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i hate my father so much that i have no care for him (Page 4)


January 26th, 2012
Men,Women,Sons and Daughters who hate there Father,Mother,Parent
(1) Comment on the people responding.

For those people that hate there fathers or mothers, they'll probably won't change. Changes are that there all above 40 and stuck in there habits. Best advice let go and move on. Letting go, means getting help for it. That can be this forum, reading books about the issue or talking to loved ones -people that really listen, by giving time and attention to do so-. Or getting the right therapy for your situation. I can hear you thinking; OMG, he's putting therapy in there...i don't need that! Im not saying you should, only I'm trying to help by contributing some advice and this is one of them.

Points to think about if you consider to take therapy.
1. you'll have to find the right therapist and treatment. Because if you get this wrong, it may set you back years, because your getting treatment that isn't helpful for your situation.
2. make sure you have a so called 'click' with your therapist. Because telling your personal issues to someone you don't like, makes it very difficult to be open about yourself
3. Getting pills or drugs is not always the solution, a pill doesn't give you the answer.
4.Getting therapy doesn't get you a stamp on your head that states that you are insane. To quote Albert Einstein "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results". So not trying anything different will leave you stuck in your situation.

Some good therapy might be CBT or schema therapy. Still you'll have to find out for yourself, if its useful for your situation.

For all you macho men that can be difficult, only you'll have give it a chance. If you want a change. By taking the effort, you'll eventually find a point to move on.

(2)My view and advice on becoming you and not staying a victim of your parents.

Is that every one is a end in itself (that also counts for your parents). You become what you want to become. Or another way to say it, you can change what you want to change. So saying that its someone else's fault, may be true. Only staying in that situation, is your own choice. Unless your waiting for better options of course and because circumstances at the moment won't let you. Point taken that your actually making a wise decision in those circumstances. Anyway you choose what you want to be in life and if that implies being a better person you can at best try to be that. The best way you can. You can't be perfect because some habits are indeed hard to lose and may remember you of your parents. And your surrounding may not always be very good for you. And even some people might not be good for you. At least start thinking about; where you are and where you want to go. It's hard, and you might be afraid of change. We all are. As Franklin D. Roosevelt said it; "The only thing we need to fear, is fear itself"

Other things i like to address. Is the number one fact that some belief systems (that can be through media, religion,philosophy,society or politics) commands you to love your parents. Even if they are abusive and what not. If a friend is going to be abusive mentally or physically you won't take it either, right? You'll probably use self-defense (self-defense is defending yourself from someone who is hurting you. Not mistaken for initiation of aggressive behavior, because then your just a brute). Or like so many people do, avoid him. Because you have a sense of self-worth.

For example; A quote i like to point out is from Jesus he said; show the other cheek, well if that implies avoiding to interact with that person it's no problem (not avoiding in the way of being scared, avoiding in the way you don't want that person to be in your life). If it otherwise implies being a punching bag for the sake of your own self-worth. That for me means the code for; I don't have a feeling of self-esteem or self-worth to stand up for myself. Don't get me wrong, I don't have nothing against Jesus. Only I do my own thinking. And that implies choosing to refute everything and accepting everything that can't be refuted. Your not a punching bag. You need to take care of yourself, we all do. Otherwise your being treated as a fool, with no sense of self-esteem, self-worth, you can't take care for yourself. Once your able to take care of yourself. Then your able to start caring for others. The caring of course for the people you love.

Last but not least the media portrays the perfect family, perfect friends. See it as something we all want (that's why you watch it), only something we cant all get. Perfection is shown, only humans aren't perfect. Get rational about it. Media is there to entertain and make you believe in something. You can choose to believe everything in it. Only it probably make you feel miserable, because its not real. It's fantasy remember. You'll have to find out what you really want, not what everyone else wants or the media telling you what you should want.


Last but not least. If someone is going to stay the way they are, after numerous tries to work it out, they'll probably stay that way. So put your self-worth in your pocked and move on. Because loving yourself is the first thing you need to do.
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replied February 8th, 2012
how similar to what I go through!
I'm sorry for all those who share this situation. it yet feels soothing to know I'm not alone with this problem. my father is very much mentally abusive on me. I know he has had his share of fault luck but it's not a reason to make me feel like crab. I'm very successful at work and university and still, due to my eastern cultural background, I have strong ties to family.
He retired when 50 and it's 10 years he is not going to work. It's 10 years he is watching tv from 7 am to 11 pm. He has driven me to hate hate HATE tv and the voice of news anchors. There are so many things to be handled at home like mending windows at winter or fixing the tabs but he is just sitting in front of tv and watching every program 2 or 3 time ... actually as many times as they are broadcast.
When he is not home, like on a 3-4 day trip I'm so calm life feels like heaven. Whoever sees me thinks how wonderful a life I live and no one feels the misery I go through in every minute I spend at home. He is mentally abusive on all of us but the pressure is on me because more than 15 years ago when he was verbally attaching my mom on her being ugly, fat and not worth the life he is giving him (no one who knows HIM won't believe his being such a person ... he is just a secret monster) I stood against him and told him I love my mom (God knows my mom is beautiful and sweet ... she is an artist). My father has formed so many inferiority complexes during his life and the only place he has to release his foul thoughts is home.

I feel so miserable now typing it. If it was not for my mom, I would have killed myself so many years ago. It's so much to my brothers, mom and I that if he would just die this very moment how relieved we all would be.
We have no friends, attend no parities, and can't invite people over because of him. If one day I invite someone over to watch a movie, he wouldn't leave the living room for an hour or two. Instead, he would sit in front of the tv, set on a none sense channel and watch it loud loud ... real loud.
When my mom has a female relative over he wouldn't leave (Women wear hijab in front of men) and he wouldn't leave to make the guest comfortable so that she can take her hijab off. He would sit there, saying nothing and makes the person feel so uncomfortable so that she leaves before long.
That's why almost no one visits us here and the problem is all him.
He nags for the expenses and the bills all the time and he nags my mom that you are spending more than you should on grocery and things. If all the food is not eaten at a meal and there remains a left over he starts reminding everyone that he said the amount of meat taken out of fridge for lunch was more than needed and now it will remain in the fridge for a long time so it will turn black like **** and no one would like to eat it ... he is totally wrong because we all like to eat the left overs for dinner.

I hate him with all my heart. He is sick and he makes me hate men. He knows nothing, he is not a doctor, he is not an engineer, he hasn't been to any colleges but when talking medicine, engineering or any other specific point he has something to assert. he just doesn't know he makes a fool of himself and it hurts me to no end.
If I would just die so that I wouldn't be forced to see him or tolerate him ...
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replied February 8th, 2012
I can't take it anymore. I fought back.
I just had a fight with my father. I lost my calm after seeing our dining table flipped-out where my mother and sisters are doing their school works....

He's drunk, and what's new with that? He yells at us saying things that feeds his ego. He kept on doing it so i called my youngest sister who's 11 years old to come inside my room and finish her assignments there. Just before she entered my room, he yelled again and flipped the table. My mother's lesson plans and my 14-year old sister's stuff were all on the floor now. My mother asked him what's his problem (like she always does) but my father kept on yelling and cursing her and that is when i lost my calm. I shouted and said stop it. I walked towards him to show that what he is doing is so wrong and embarrassing, and that he is scaring my younger siblings. While i was talking, he shouted and asked me if i can go against him now... and I said definitely yes. It has been 15 years that he's been like that... a pure pain in the ass, a good-for-nothing douche bag relying on my mother. I can't help but voice it all out to his face. I don't want to restrain my self now from telling him all his flaws. For me, it's time to get even after all the emotional abuse we got from him. As expected he got madder and held me tight but i was able to get out from his grip and managed to push him on the floor. Curses was heard all over the house (maybe even all over the neighborhood). He can't take it that his son can push him and fight back this time. I can't take those lies that he kept on saying that i also gave in in a word fight. I am shaking this time, not because i am afraid but i think because of too much anger. My mother is already embracing me and my grandmother went down from the 2nd floor of our house just to tell me to stop and pacify my anger. All this happened while my father is making his way to go up from the floor where i pushed him. His words and curses never ended and i am still at rage but i noticed my grandmother's voice already shaking and it concerned me so I obliged to their request and went up in the 2nd floor. As i am taking the stairs, my father found his way and continued cursing me and planned to chase me (maybe to punch me) but my mother barricaded herself right on the door so he won't be able to pass. When i am already in our 2nd floor, his curses and bad words are still on the background... and it's all directed at me. He kept on breaking things and even went out the house and took his show on the street. Who cares with what he is doing? I know that our neighbors all know how irresponsible and how addicted he is with alcohol. He kept on shouting and cursing for maybe 20 minutes more and when i heard him went inside their room, I decided to go downstairs. In fairness to my father he never lay hands on us, but with what happened i'm not sure so i immediately checked my mother and 2 younger siblings if they are all ok. All i saw downstairs are my sisters who's crying and terrified of what just happened, my mother who's been also fed up with his husband's foolishness but still not considering a divorce (because as she said, my father does not have any place to go), and the broken dining table and monoblock chairs. Lucky him that my 18-year old brother wasn't home because i don't know what else could have happened. I'm the eldest but i am more calm than my brother. He is more outspoken and as i know him, he can hit my father with no hesitations... and that is because of the abuse we all got from that horrible beast.

Right now i don't know how our lives will go after what just happened. I've been wishing for a much peaceful environment for my sibling's sake, but we're not lucky enough for having him inside the house. I know it's wrong to wish him bad things but i just can't help but think that this won't end as long as he is living. I just wish that my mother will consider divorcing him so we can move on and have a better life. I know we can, since it has always been me and my mother working hand in hand, and besides it is me who always perform his responsibilities so there will be no problem if he will be thrown out my mother's house.

I know there will be some people who will not understand what i did, but it's ok... because what i did is for my mother and my sibling's welfare.
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replied March 9th, 2012
IHATE MY FATHER !!!!!!!!!!!
Agreed, I hate my father. I'm not even gonna call him my father now. He treats all of his kids differently. My ten year old brought gets everything He wants. He acts like He is scared of my little brother. But He treats my 8 year old brother like trash. He always use him to do little things for him. He thinks He runs everything. He waits until I turn 14 to start acting like a father. No, should been did that. He uses me and my 20 year old sister for money and then doesn't ever wanna pay it back. He always come in the house late with attitudes. Like someone owes him something. He always telling us to do something around the house while He could be doing it to. Hes always trynna boss someone around like " wash the dishes " informally do it unless ihave tons of homework or I'm just not feeling good. Why can't He wash them? My mother doesn't like him drinking and He always sneaks beer in the house and gets us to cover for him like hide the bottles, like why should I go against my mother. he talks about m when im not around and thinks idont hear abt it, like your a grown man why shoud you be scared of your kid. He is embarrassing, He always talk about PPL in public places. Like when we go to church on Sundays He always go to sleep and soon we leave the church like walking toward the car He gets all loud and start cursing. Ihate that man with all my heart, ugh God forgive me for saying this but take him away soon plzzzzz. P's: this isn't half what He does....
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replied March 27th, 2012
Is this abuse? Im 14 male
All of you guys are BS. Im drug free, I'm a nice guy just pissed, I go to school, etc. Today I didn't feel like going today. Right now, I have belt bruses all over my body. My elbow has rug burn because he pulled me everywere. Im 14 and I didn't go to school today. I know its wrong but thats totally over board. He makes fun of me when I cry because I get hurt cuz of him. Also he punched me in my face and forced me to get to school. Tomorrow I might end it. I really had enough. When hes drunk, he has no limit and always f*** with me. When im on the computer chilling talking with friends, he'd say go get a life. If I say anything that displeases him, things would go bad for me basically. Am I right or is this normal?
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replied March 27th, 2012
Experienced User
That's not normal. That's one of the worst abuse cases I've heard of. Seek help. He has no right to be your father if he acts like that. You have a right to be treated well.
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replied September 25th, 2012
I hope you did not do anything foolish. I am a female and have been treated the same by my father. Hit with the belt, left bruises all over my body and for no reason. I always tried to be a good person with everyone but my father is like my worst enemy. So many times I prayed he would disappear and never return and have felt the ugliness you have felt, but dont ruin your life because of it. Go to college get a job you enjoy and make your life happy and surround yourself with loving peaceaful people.
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replied April 15th, 2012
I know how you feel.
I am 13 years old and my parents are divorced. I live with my dad because My mom and me don't get along. My dad is very obnoxious and rude to me. He calls me fat and dumb all the time, and he is very overweight. And all he does is sleep and watch tv. He doesn't work and he gets all his money from his mother. And he is very ignorant and uncaring; one day I finally built up the courage for him to buy me a bra and he just said "No, your too young." he probably just spent all his money on alcohol. After I went to my room crying. He used to beat my sister before she went to go live with my mother, she used to talk back to him. I can't wait until I can drive, and work ( like he chooses not to.) Nobody could care less than him. I truly hate him. I wish I didn't though so I could have some kind of parent figure in my life.
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replied June 9th, 2012
Well I just killed my dad!!!
I mean not really I'm not a killer . I killed him in my heart. and that's the point. he's dead in my heart forever.
I feel alot better now. now I can focus in my own life
:d
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replied July 3rd, 2012
I also hate ?????? dad and he is ?????? worst nightmare at the moment I wish I cld jes tell him die and he wld jes be i???????????????n his grave cos I cnt leave the house cos I L??????e ma mum.wht shld I do refer ur answers to jnana thanx pals
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replied August 1st, 2012
I also dislike my dad the reason that i don't say hate is because hate is a sin and i don't want to waist my hate on him. He has major anger issues he is abusive and he is a lousy provider he can't even take us out to eat my mom always pays for it. Child protective services have home to my school every year since 4 grade because he has a crazy outburst every year. I honestly would like my mom to see that we would be way better without him and leave him so that i can get his parental rights terminated from me. The sad thing is that i don't even want to try to fix the problem with him i just want him to leave my life forever. when i grow up and get married and have children i will make sure that he is never their. If he died tomorrow i just would not care.
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replied October 23rd, 2012
I live in Jaipur.I don't like my father because he drinks too much. After drinking he always do the foul things, use abusive language to my mother. He don't respect to my mother. When someone comes at our home he insults her in front of them.
My mother says to me that she don't have a problem with his drinking but only if he can control that and she also don't like to be insulted in front of other people. I have tried a lot of time but nothing is happened.
I tells you a incident--
I have done my engineering from a reputed institute of India. In the final year I got my placement with a fine package.
But at the at of the session that company backed out and canceled our placement. My father put the blame of this on my mother. After that I usually do very less talk with him.
one day he took a lot of pills and drove the car in the colony after one hour I got the call from an known number in which that person says that he is about to get an accident with him and that incident happened nearby our house. My mother and I went there and said sorry to him and took him at home.
My father asked very rudely to him gave his introduction then my mother said that man to go away.
I want to leave that home with mother but i am not getting any job.
i am living in a hell. The atmosphere of our is too bad that I can't even do my study.
The time when company left me my life took a 'U' turn and all brightness turns into darkness.
I am so ashamed of him and i just want to kill him
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replied October 27th, 2012
it will get better
Yeah... I know what its lts like too..
To have a parent like that. But mines a lot worse.

I remember when I was a kid my dad would beat me all the time. My mom would never say anything and sometimes she beat me and my sibilings too. It was always for small mistkes, or if I wasn't listening. It was up until I was about 9 or 10 years old that the beatings subsided. They still happened, but a lot less often. At this time I had harbored a great resentment to my parents. But mostly my dad. But not my mom because on many different occasions she apologized to me. She said she was so sorry, and we grew closer. I love my mom with all my heart. It was much different for my dad. Although my mom forced him to stop beating us he never stopped bringing me down. Every single bad name you can think of, he's called me that. and its just me too, out of my 5 brothers and sisters its only me. I don't know why. But he just hates me. Stupid. Dumb. Lazy. Rude. Annoying. Even just a few minuites ago he was mad at me because he just went out to buy something and asked me to get itv from the car. I went and realized that he had bought about 25 large gallons of water. I asked if one or two of my brothers could help me because they were just sitting watching t.v. he blew up on me saying that I complain too much and that I'm lazy. So I got angry and decided that I didn't need help anyways. I went to carry then, but I was struggling. Out of nowhere he pulls my hair and hits my face while yelling profanities at me, he told me that I should just leave. He threatened that if I didn't he was going to "Beat me thouroghly."
My mom isn't home now. But I'm going to leave. I just can't take it anymore. I'm packing now.
I wish that my brothers would try to help me. But theye just being breeded to be mini him.
I'm 14, but I know that one day it will get better. ^~^
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replied November 11th, 2012
I don't care for my dad as well. I'm actually waiting for the days until my death, because I've had enough, and I don't care about anything.
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replied November 18th, 2012
I Hate My Dad Too.
I hate my father so much. He is so loud and disgusting. He is the most annoying hypocritical alcoholic person ever.
He has no sense of hygiene and he sometimes tries to touch me on my butt and chest... He farts really loudly ALL THE TIME and doesn't even care. He walks around the house in underpants that are pulled down past his butt cheeks. Just 2 minutes ago, he was doing this and he had a tissue jammed in there!!! He sits on my bed like this and he rubs his crusty dirty feet everywhere.
He is also really load and annoying.
It is like nothing that I do is good enough for him. I try my best but I am still a B+ student. He yelled at me and hit me for not getting an academic award at school.It is hard for me with my perfect brother who got OP 1 and is going to be a doctor(BTW we're Asian if you didn't notice)at the 2nd best med school in Australia. My bro also got an academic excellence for all his years at school minus 1.
*Last week, he got my brother really drunk and went to sleep while my brother was upstairs crying his head off about being a disappointment and a failure. I cried when my bro came into my room and told my how much he loved me and wanted me to do better than him.

I cannot believe the sheer stupidity of my dad... It is really annoying. There is also a ton of p0rn on my dad's phone which he shares with our chef at the cafe.
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replied January 29th, 2013
My father always claim that he is right all the time. One time, I decided to make him a bowl of fried rice, yet I use the wrong method to do so. So he asked me why I use that method for cooking, so I told him the reason. That he scolded me that I shouldn't argue, and my manners were bad. Come on, he is totally telling something that's irrelevant. He asked me to explain, then I explain, what's wrong with me?

The worst thing is that he is telling the world that my fried rice sucks, and whenever I try to tell those people that I didn't mean to use the wrong method to cook, he scolded me publicly that I was naughty and I shouldn't argue. I am not arguing!!! If he doesn't like my explanation, then he shouldn't ask for it.
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replied March 27th, 2013
My Father is an alcoholic and he cheated on my mum and then they yelled heaps and heaps for 2 months, he moved out, then he moved back 6 months later, we thought everything was good, but he was still an alcoholic, still is and he cheated on mum again going on 'business trips' overseas. 2 yrs later, he moved out again (4 months ago) even though we just finished building this house which mum cant pay for because she doesn't get that much money as she is a charity doctor. there are 3 of us children, i have a little sister and an older brother in yr 12 who is suffering so much because we have to pack up our bags every weekend go to dad's new place (which is dirty, smelly and horrible and i share a small room, like harry potter under the stairs) and then come home go to school and start the whole routine again so he doesnt get enough time to study. it's too much and too complicated and i just want to focus on doing my school work and keeping my scholarship instead of all these fights and family stuff. i told some of my close friends but they dont understand, they have happy parents who fight occasionally but still live together. I dont even want to go on a stupid trip up north with him tomoro but i had to cause he'll just get angry and hit me if i say i just want to be home and sleep in my cozy room in my cozy bed and relax. should i ask to stay home? or should i just leave my mum in tears again at home with our dog alone for the long weekend?
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replied April 26th, 2013
Sometimes I hate my dad
Man talk about it, my dad is a good dad but sometimes I feel like shoving my foot up his ass, one time I accidentally hurt my brother and my dad shaped me so hard on my cheek, it swelled up, then he started hitting me on the head with his knuckles, I kept asking myself why did he do that for a minor accident, I still remember that moment and will for the rest of my life
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replied April 26th, 2013
Man talk about it, my dad is a good dad but sometimes I feel like shoving my foot up his ass, one time I accidentally hurt my brother and my dad shaped me so hard on my cheek, it swelled up, then he started hitting me on the head with his knuckles, I kept asking myself why did he do that for a minor accident, I still remember that moment and will for the rest of my life
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replied May 17th, 2013
I wanted to be the hero but played the fool
As I read all these stories I seem to relate my story with many others which all seems to be influenced by factors such as: criticism, patronizing, hatred, inability to understand one another, aggression, alcoholism, drugs, abuse (physical, mental, emotional), poor parenting principles, and lack of involvement in the child's life from one/both parents.

Now being a young adult, I realized how aware I was at acknowledging that I've been and still am a fool for "hating my dad"

I've hated him since I was a child, for 22 years of my life, I believed he robbed me from a lot of chances for me to succeed. he would often complain about how it was waste of money for my mother to provide me with after school activities and I was a "hassle" for him

He made me feel stupid, and incompetent when I come home and ask him for help on homework, I would get yelled at by him and hit on the head by him for not being able to do them. (why else would a 7 year old kid ask you for help if they can do it themselves?)

From then on, I have learned to be independent and rely on no one for any of my academics/other life issues.
I've done my best for the last 22 years in my life to take care of myself , yet unfortunately, I can't suppress the anger I have built inside me for all these years.

since I was a kid I've lived with and called this man my "father" who does not provide me anything for him to be recognized as a husband/father to his children.
the more mature i've become the more i couldn't stand him. His actions and ways of living made me angry. My mother would work 6 days while he worked 5 and he'd complain why the food wasn't ready, he'd make my sister and I do all the chores, he's never given us anything in his life with his own money. He continuously claims he's a broke man, but just because he is broke doesn't hinder his ability to be a responsible father right? he's done neither support financially/mentally for us. It's heartbreaking to see my mother working so hard and instead of cooperating he sits back and lives as if he has no care in the world about anything else.

Countless times I saw how he treated us, how hard my mother was working, countless times I have mentioned to him this wasn't right and he needs to man up, to lead and be a better model. countless times have I seen him do nothing but ignore what I've said and go back to watching his tv shows and his infamous quote of "i'll always be like this, I will never change.(aka I will never become better" frustrated me beyond reason. he finds time to sleep on weekends while my mother is at work from 8am-9pm. As a child I've questioned does he feel no shame as a person/husband? Your wife is standing there working her a** off to put food on the table and instead of doing something to improve yourself you find time to laze around and sleep?

As I grew older the worse he got, a significant event shook me up and allowed me to acknowledge the extent of my hatred and anger towards him. He is a huge fan of tennis and would not let anything/anyone get in his way during those times. He would yell at us if we were blocking him (when we walk by, or cleaning) and he'd just sit there and watch for hours on not doing anything else. That one summer was especially significant and will forever change my perspective for him from dislike to hate. It was in the evening time, and we just finished dinner, I was in my room doing my own things, and suddenly the door slammed opened and his booming voice projected in my room "where's the tv control? did you take it?! I said I didn't and I wasn't watching tv , he mumbled and went out starting to yell at everyone saying "where is the control where is it!!!!? WHO TOOK IT?! he went on for 10 min panicking running around slamming doors, because his precious tv control was no where to be found. He'd start randomly accusing people and made my sister angry. I ignored him a while but he wouldn't stop coming in and out of my room and got to the point I couldn't take it and had to tell him to be quiet because I had work to do. he started getting pissed off at me (venting his anger onto me) in the end, he found it, and he left for the washroom during a commercial break, I came out to check the weather for tomorrow he saw me when he came out holding the control and he said " don't change the channel, i'm watching" I told him my reason and it's only going to take 30sec and it was on commercial, he still wouldn't let me look at the weather back then I didn't have a computer at home. so I couldn't check. I tried to explain and vivdly remember him coming close to me to snatch the control away pushing me down on the floor ready to beat the daylights out of me. my mom heard me yelling and ran to stop him, threatening to call the police. the day I was both shocked in disbelief that my own father would try to beat me over a tv control was the day I realized that I have to give up on hoping he'd give me any sign of love/care. It's also the day I began to hate him deeply from within my heart. I didn't want my sister following my footsteps of hating him, but in the end, even she saw through him and started hating his guts too. he is true to his words "he'll never change."

now i'm 22, i'm in university, I'm self-employed, I need to find another job as well because I want to be stable and can get out as soon as I can. He's getting worse as he ages, he blames us for his mishaps, he breaks everything he touches, he nags at us for things we are not doing when he's being a hypocrite, he secretly bought himself a 2000$ bike with his money somehow since he claims to be "broke" and when I was a kid even getting him to buy me an ice cream cone was the hardest thing in the world. Yet somehow because of how broke he was he spent 2000$ to buy a bike, when my mom was short on money to pay bills he didn't even put out a cent. Ironic isn't it?
he threatened to punch and hit my sister and I if we touched/broke his bike he did if only I recorded him. man oh man.

the immaturity level of his way of thinking was incomprehensible especially now that I' m much more mature than I was in my teens.

I got into a physical fight with him recently because he wouldn't help us do anything anymore, when he was younger it was a bit better at least he drove us around and helped with grocery even with laziness and all. Now because I have driver's license he'd push all his previous responsibilities onto me and when I ask him how bout you he'd say "are you not the eldest? don't you have a license now, you're old enough to do it now right? when I ask him why he says phrases that makes your heart tremble in an utmost heartbreaking way "why do you think we had you? children are supposed to be useful, if you're not useful why are you here? is that what a father is? a man that gets married has children so they can be "useful" to them when they grow up? so they can shoulder all the parent's responsibilities as they grow up? is that what we children are ? tools?

after hearing these phrases I tell myself and realized what a fool I am , i'm willing to play the fool for so long. Why ? let me count the ways:

I' m the biggest fool for wasting so much energy effort and time these years trying to go through to him and talk to him about my feelings and the problems, but I knew it was useless because he'd never listen (no it's true there's no give it time crap, it's been over a decade of persuasion it's obvious it will never go through to him. My first point towards being a fool.

Everytime I fight with him, I will always lose because a) my family will blame me for not stopping the argument with him b) I am the cause of the argument (if I didn't tell him what I see that's wrong, then no fight, he wouldn't feel criticized and fight back = no conflict c) my mother would feel awful, and sad, she'd be in more stress d) my sister would see and hear and take it in, shed' be scared, and unhappy e) I'm the one that leaves the house to cool off in the end, not him, he wont ever get kicked out. After acknowledging all these factors, the more genuine my intentions were to help , instead my role reversed and I've been named the bad guy because of what he did. so who's the biggest fool at the end of the day? Me.

finally, even if he taunts me into hitting him back, which I did I have struck him and don't regret it one bit, it's sad that I don't feel remorseful or sorry for my actions he's the only one capable to make me feel that way or act in that manner anyhow. sometimes it frightens me that I have this side of myself because it's so unlike me to be so angry to have so much negativity bottled up inside me.

It's such a cruel reality to realize you want to help your family, instead one's method of trying to get across to the other party is ruining things even more, it hurts to know that by fighting the true antagonist of the story you must be the scapegoat and take the blame while the bad guy who ignited the flame was the true criminal. it's pains me to endure all this stress along the rest of my family because of this one person's doing and we can't do anything about it. not even counseling because the problem doesn't lie within us it lies with the problem seeker- my father.

there are times when things get so tense I visualize murderous scenes, I know I shouldn't but he can get so intolerable, moreover he can and will hit me and my sister which makes my blood boil and have stronger intent cause him harm physically at those time. It's really hard the right ways to adapt to these situations.


in the end, i'm grateful I can hear and read so many similar stories to my own, I can empathize with all those going through problems with parents and it can be hard because the truth is parents/children never take criticism too well when it's with someone close to you esp. family members. but sometimes we just have to think whether or not it's worth it to do all those things and attack the ones we are angry towards with profanity/actions, at the end of the day are we really playing the good guy? or just playing the fool because of the impact it has on others from the decisions we make to fight back and argue? does it really help resolve our hatred/just cause more problems? I think we should take time to really think about that. it may save a lot of us from being unhappy with our family I'm sure.
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