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i hate my father so much that i have no care for him (Page 1)

here is my story, please don't be mean. my father treats us like crap, he is so dependent on us. i came from an immigrated family, so my siblings and i are the only one who knows how speak English. i understand that coming from immigrated family, the parents are dependent on children because of their English. but my father is extremely dependent on the children. when there is an situation, he thinks he is stressed out that he has to solve it. he doesn't see it, but his responsibility is push down to his children. during when we fix his problem, he yells at us, scream,complain and curse at us. everything we have done for him, he is never appreciated. he never say thank you or sorry to us. instead he criticize and yell at us. he take too much advantage of us. there are numerous time that i caught him dogging out of making dinner. he never cooks for anyone but himself and when people are busy, he doesn't care if he should help out. he pretends he is busy or goes out and come back until the foods are ready or he pretends to sleep when he has a responsibility he knows he can handle. he will push it down to us and act like he is incapable of doing it. he doesn't work hard in his life. he comes home early a lot from his job and he sleep and eat and watch TV a lot. he always criticize our mistake instead of praising them. he has not been active in our life even thought we live together in one house. he never seem to care who feeling he hurts, as long things goes his way. what can i do to control his anger and make him appreciate. i want to move out of the house but i can't because the college i go to is close by and i like that college a lot. i don't have enough money to buy my own place. i also don't want to make my mom lonely.
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First Helper peige
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Users who thank peige for this post: Swifty4ever 

replied March 28th, 2009
Hang in there
Just remember it's not your fault and that NO you don't deserve to be treated that way.

Get yourself a loan for school and live on campus. You need to look after yourself too!!

I am in a similar situation. My mother is very emotionally abusive and always tells me how much of a problem I am to her. I am 21 and she wants me to move out and get married so that she doesn't have to see me anymore. I know I don't deserve it because I am a good person, with good grades in university.

Remember that it was their decision to come to a different country. They knew it would be difficult. You are worth more, and your mental sanity is worth WAY MORE!!

Hope you will find a way!
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replied May 26th, 2009
You are not alone
I am in the same situation like you too. My dad is very bad temper. He yells at anything n anyone that doesn't come along his way. He blames on everyone all the time. But the real mistake is coming from himself. He thought he is always rite. Maybe that is why he fall till the step he is now. I believe in how you treat ppl, you will get it back.
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replied January 6th, 2012
My Bad Tempered Dad
OmG!
My dad is the same!! He always yells at me even if I do a small mistake!! Like seriously I'm 14 I can do mistakes! He also insults me in front of guests! He vents his own anger on me for something else!!! Like he HAS TO CHANGE HIS WAYS! I'm tired if this but all in all he still loves me I wish he wud change his other ways tho x(
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replied February 21st, 2012
Horrible father. Thank God for my mother
Waw. It may sound bad but I'm actually happy to hear that I'm not the only one.
My dad:
- yells at me everyday (EVERYDAY!)
- finds ways to humiliate me (and also in front of guests)
- makes ME look like the bad person
- blames every problem on me because I'm a "b****"
- father is very strong, with a strong voice. (So this means that when he yells at me, I get so scared that I actually have to pee) I think he might damage a vocal cord.

Also I can't let off some steam by going out because he doesn't let me. If I go out once a month, I'm very lucky. (btw I'm 22) Looking for a job right now, so I can finally move out.

I have wished for him to die before. And I feel ashamed but, I'm not really sorry.
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Users who thank AlanaSilvas for this post: lizmarie70  saam7 

replied December 4th, 2012
Stupid Alchohol
Dude we have the same in common but the probem is that i am only 15 not 22 and the problwm is that everyday everynight he drinks and he is pissed on me for nothing god i cant wait until i move out but i can fell bad because my mother is gowing to suffer because they are still together just because of me=( i hate my life and i allways wanted to have a normal family and i will never i the hole fking world will do this to my family never
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replied February 25th, 2013
I don't hate my dad THAT much, but i'm coming to the point where i'm REALLY going to hate him.
He gets upset at things even like when i accidentally spilled a drop of milk on the table or something like that. He really is a lunatic. Sometimes he smashes my table lamp or throw books in my face, or he would hit me with a pencil(which felt like he had hit me with a lead pipe) and scream at me. I really wanted him to just ignore me, which is a lot better than him screaming at me. His temper is CRAZY. Just tonight, he found out a few silly mistakes in my math homework and he ranted for half an hour and tore up the pages. My homework book, still new, was now no more than a few scraps of paper. How on earth am i going to present it to the teacher?
He doesn't even allow me on the computer for TEN MINUTES. Seriously, i'm being made a prisoner within my own family.
I just wish that he understands he have a bad temper and try to control it more. I'm already at the point telling him to shut up and get out of my way.
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replied September 24th, 2013
Yes, please do. Thats what will keep him at bay or atleast so will you attempt to do so.
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replied November 8th, 2012
my daddy always yells at me if i try and get out of dinner.Or he yells at me if i cry when its time to go to bed or take a big pill.I hate my dad so much i just wanna yell this: ''STOP YELLING AT ME U (THE B WORD) I DON'T CARE IF YOU WANT ME TO TAKE MY PILLS OR GO TO BED JUST LEAVE ME ALONE I HATE YOU!
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replied July 22nd, 2013
ok A) your over reacting
B) thats not something someone would hate there dad for
C) thats something you talk over with your dad or phone somebody for help. like a councelor.


dont send i mean reply im just telling you how the real life works. people have theese issues with there dads that are issues but not big issues. call a councelor or go to the school you go to..or go to a school councelor.
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replied June 3rd, 2013
MY DAD IS A BULL**** FATHER. HE THREATENS TO BEAT ME IF I DO NOT LISTEN TO MIM. SOMETIMES HE EVEN SAYS HE WISHES IT WAS NOT AGAINST THE LAW TO BEAT UP ON CHILDREN. WHAT MAKES IT WORSE IS ITS LITTLE THINGS HE GETS ANGRY OVER. I HATE HIM!!!!!
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replied June 21st, 2012
my dad has done some pretty relationship-destroying stuff. my brothers and i live in the same household and as him and we dont talk. kinda awkward isnt it? but yeah i dont look or talk to him. i told mum i hate his guts. he walks and talks as if he is a king in the house but when guests are present he acts as though nothings happened. it really drives me crazy. i give him attitude in front of guests to let him know that im not okay with him doing this. the only thing that is stopping me from leaving home is because ive kinda taken on the role of the man of the house (cos im the eldest) and plus hes never around. comes and goes as he likes. yes he doesnt do any chores and doesnt touch one thing in the house. the last 6-8 months (cant remember exactly) he wrote a note and left it on the bench saying that he will leave in 2 weeks after having an argument with mum the night before. this is not the first time his done this. months have passed and hes still here.

somethings really annoying though. although mum talks behind his back to us. always shows the upmost respect to him. asks him to dinner even though he buys his own crappy dinner. it annoys me that she still treats him that way. my dad thinks my mum is persuading us to hate him. let me tell you that it is not the case. im 22 and i see and hear things too. i make my own judgements.

i havent even told this to my closest friends. anonymously, this is the first time i have ever vented to anyone outside my immediate family.

my solution is this: i wanna kick him out of my life. he knows hate him. i used to respect and fear him as a kid. his anger became more and more uncontrolled i started to fear him in my teens. now i dont fear him and dont respect him. i want to relieve a great burden on my mums shoulders. i really dont care what happens to the b*stard.

ps: mum has confronted him about suspicions of cheating on her. but he keeps deny it and changess the subject. OORRR doesnt even reply, completely ignores my mum when she asks him a question. what kind of person does that? theres heaps more stuff that i cant really say but i have about 9 years of bottle up stuff. if you met me, my personality supresses this. thanks for letting me rant.
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replied July 14th, 2009
You're not alone. Smile
My father was a drug addict (he still could be for all I know), he was also a drug dealer of Cocaine and Marijuana. When I was about 4, he was arrested for drug use and drug promoter. My mother, my two brothers, and I moved in with my mom's parents. That was the happiest years of my life; being cared for by my grandparents, having not a care in the world.

By the time I turned 11, he came back. We moved out of my grandparents house, and moved into a new house, with my father. The first year and a half, he was fine. He had a job like everyone else, paid the bills. But then after that, he started to act funny. He would make me bring him food, he would be gone with his nephew all the time (who was also a drug user/dealer, and had a problem with gambling), and I remember this one time when he came home drunk; thowing up everywhere (my mom works at night, so she wasn't there), so I had to take care of him. I stayed up all night, wiping up his puke. I was 12 then.

And then things got even worse, he stopped working, he became very controlling over my mom, making her serve food for him (he stopped asking me, because once I rolled my eyes when he asked me to make him a cup of juice. Which incidentally, made him upset and told my mom that I deserved to be thrown out for that small act.), clean up his mess, get him his ciggarettes, etc... He accused my mom of having an affair with a co-worker of hers numerous times. And calls her deragitory names.

But he was not like this all the time, just most times. Due to his excessive drug use, he formed a bi-polar disorder. Which explains why sometimes one day he's nice, and the next day he's a complete a**. But I can be safe to say that he hardly ever hit my mom. He just throws things, and break things and yells profanity all the time.

When I was 13, my parents had a huge fight, in front of my brothers and I. They were fighting in my room. And all that came out of it was a hole in my door. They were going to file a divorce, but it never went through. Which, to this day, I have no idea why it never happened.

I am now 16, and my parents fight almost every month, once a month. My father still doesn't work. My mom's struggling to pay the bills. But he doesn't care. All he does is sit around on the couch, watch tv and eat all of the food. As I'm typing right now, he's in his "bad days", and eating every 10 minutes. He broke my mom's car (which she's had since we were living in my granparents house), so she depends on my brother to get to work and back home everyday. She can hardly ever go to the market, because my brothers always working and since HE broke her car. He always complains that he doesn't have anything; no clothes; no shoes; no food. But HE DOES. He EATS ALL OF THE FOOD. And his clothes lie everywhere, I feel and almost twisted my ankle once because his shoes are in the walkway.

He blames my mom for him not having a job. I remember this one time recently, but not so recently (maybe like a the beginning of this year) he had an application for a job, the next day, he starts yelling at her because SHE did not fill it out. I mean what the heck?
And he can't get a good job, because he barely even finished high school.

I just don't get it. My mom says she's tired of it. Tired of it all. But she doesn't do anything to stop it. She takes the abuse. And worse yet, after they fight, they act as if nothing wrong ever happened at all. I don't know if she's scared of being alone, or if she's scared of him. She doesn't confide in her kids. We are all old enough to umderstand everything. I'm 16, my brother is 18 and my older older brother is 21.

I don't know what to do anymore. I've thought of killing him. Hell, all 3 of us have thought about killing him. Because I KNOW our lives would be so much easier if he wasn't alive anymore. He's like Satan put on earth to make our lives living hell. I'm embarrassd of him. I carry his name, and every time someone asks me what my last name is I can't help but fell ashamed. But I'm glad that I'm a girl and I won't have to keep it.

Just know that you are not alone. Smile
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replied August 3rd, 2009
I hate my father
My father behaves like a kid. He only wants to be with the family when everything is ok. when we were going through difficult times he simply left. My mom pays all the house bills. He buys food and hides it from us, and then he accuses my mom of hiding food from him. I wish my mom and dad were divorced so that my mom could be happy. He's not a resposible adult, he's just another kid in the house.
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replied October 10th, 2009
family problem
Same HeRE..i feel your pain..my dad is also very dependent when it comes to physical work because he had a stroke last last year... i know he is trying his best in his work and stuff but he thinks he's all that and that he knows everything just because he finished college and my mum didn't...he's never been close to me ever since i was small but because i had to go back with my mum and him in london just last year, i had to put up with his unnecessary tantrums...when we're alone, he just sticks with the computer like his life is in there...i never talk to him..cuz i dunno what to say and i dont want to have a conversation with him anyway..he lacks understanding that's why...when he talks to me it's always about computer..it's pissing me off..since we live in the same house now, i can clearly see how he treats my mum and i dont like it...now i'm purposely acting cold towards him because i found out about his big secret.. he's gay...and he actually betrayed my mum before she moved in london..the fact that it's my dad that did it disgusts me...now everytime i see him, i cant help but feel annoyed...so i dont look at him even if he's there..even now he continues chatting with different guys and even had a facebook account and what's frustrating is he added me..and i can clearly see that he's flirting with different men... i hate him..now i can't help but just hate him...i don't feel any love from him so he wont get any from me either...he's unreasonable and he's never satisfied with my accomplishments..thank god my mum loves me for who i am..truthfully, i dont need him...my mum also brought up the idea of separating with him if worse comes to worst..and you know, i dont mind it..i'll live with my mum only and i'll be happier..we're better off without him..:'C
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replied November 29th, 2009
I feel very sorry for you. Your father seems to be this man who likes to complain alot..even though he shouldn't because you're actually HELPING him! I think you should just not help him next time and say "do it yourself!". My dad doesn't depend on me but he thinks that I'm trash.
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replied November 30th, 2009
HATE HIM
Wow Same!!

My dad immigrated here to australia and he married my mum and bought her over. The thing is, my mum didn't really love him, she just wanted to have the opportunity for us. After that they were happy in the first 6 years of marriage, then my grandparents came over and lived with us. This was the start of arguments every single month. Before that my father forced me to play piano, and it was torture. I hated piano so much, and he would make me play up to 5 hours in a day, and i was a little kid, around 4 years old when i started piano. My father had huge arguements with my grandparents, and they moved out. He then had numorous arguements with my mother, and to this day, they continue. He hates me because i quit piano (i couldn't take it anymore) and also because i dont believe in what he believes in. He hates many things, dark skinned people, gays and lesbians, etc. I totally disagree with him, and i find him very ignorant, and stupid. I don't see why my mum hasn't divorced him, a few times she has moved out with us, but then she would go back for us. I really hate it how she cant just leave him, and my mother doesn't have enough money. She wants to sell the house and split the money, and therefore my father can just dissappear and do whatever he wants. But he won't sell the house, and he cheats on my mum all the time. Life with him is suffocating, as when i was little, he used to work 5 days a week, and I almost never saw him. We weren't that close. This year he quit and started doing shares. Now he just suffocates us. Sits around like a fat potato watching tv and watching us. He won't shut his trap and he critisizes us all the time.

Sometimes i hate him so much that i want him to just...die
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replied June 3rd, 2013
IM IN THE SAME SITUATION. I WANT MY FATHER TO DIE TOO
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replied December 26th, 2009
My View
It's never you fault, it's their deal they had kids and yet they blame us for what they did and that was have sex. My dad, I hate him so much that I can't ever care for him. Sometimes I felt bad and would try so hard but I could never find anything for him except hate (anger). He's very emotionally abusive and comes home, screaming at us (callings us names.) I get so angry and what bothers me the most is that I take after him. My mom helped me talk to somebody and now I'm taking medication so I don't have angry outbursts like he does. I feel better but get gloomy feeling whenever he comes home or if I hear his voice or his name, etc. My mom has tried hard to get us out of there but he's so financially abusive that we can't spend anything without him knowing. We're all females and he still pushes us around like we're other men. I used to blame God so much for putting someone like that with us and then I turned to God and it's better. I'm not one of those old ladies that bicker to Church and walk around with a bible in my hand, I'm 17 years old and I am like a lot of teenagers but I also pray. He's sitting in the other room right now, cursing at my mom because she parked her car in his place. I know we may never get away but I try my hardest to stick it through, it's hard but I remember that HE'S messed up and we don't have to be. It's hard not to be living in a house like this but try hard at anything and you'll succeed, I have yet to succeed.
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replied January 19th, 2010
i wish my dad would die right now!! he's so fking annoying, when his at work had met with some difficulties he come home and yells at the whole family he's a !**@!.he's oso a womzniser dont knw why my mum still dont wan to divorce him i really hate him i've stopped talking to him and whenever he goes to other country for work i will be VERY HAPPY during tat period, and when he came home from work i would go to my room cos i hate seeing him!! i would only talk to my mum and bro nowadays
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replied March 17th, 2013
my father is the same to except the yelling at the whole family part
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replied January 29th, 2010
understanding
I understand your pain, trying hard to make him show some understanding, only to be criticized the next minute. My father is also a huge jerk. He always compares me with him, like how he graduated from college at the age of 19, and getting a full-time job , and how he lived in hard times. Although i do understand, he might have had hard times in the past, but shoving it in all the time gets on the nerves.He also demorelized me alot at a young age, calling me fat,ugly,stupid,loner
and sometimes i would have to clean something infront of him while he would bark and yell at me.At the time, i didnt understand why he hated me so much.Maybe because i reminded him of himself (young,weak,naive)and he couldnt stand it. He doesnt understand anything im telling him, he always makes me repeat myself, and when im talking to someone else, he always listens to the conversation, and then uses my words against me . I really want to get out of the house but i cant. I tried getting a job 7 times this month but they all turned me down for some reason. When i came in to a conversation i always spoke well and showed them i was motivated. Every time a workplace turned me down , my father called me a retard, or an idiot. He doesnt believe that i tried hard. I dont want him to die, but sometimes i wish i could smash my fist into his face, just to make him shut up for once!!!! I hope ill find a job soon so i can get out of this dump....
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replied February 6th, 2010
:(:((
I understand how you feel. My mom just dropped me home after having a huge fight in the car. My parents are forcing me to go to the same university as my sister even though they don't offer the program i want to study. They don't care about how i feel or what i want to do. I hate them so much, i wish i come from another family. theyre going to ruin my life just because they want me to live with her and are constantly making up excuses to justify what they are fdoing but the truth is i am going to hate them for the rest of my life for this. i wish they could just **** off and let me live my life.
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replied February 10th, 2010
Experienced User
Have any of you ever considered doing a diy job - simply look for a man of about the right age, your fathers age, but this time make sure he`s everything that you want, and will always be there for you. Plenty of men are capable of filling the father role, you don`t need to be related to them, simply cautious - Obviously, there must be trust (as with guys of any age)and that would be a key part of the relationship. Meanwhile your real father might want to mend his ways!?
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replied March 9th, 2010
i h8 my father 2...bloddy he has got no care for his daughter...he nver wanna understand...oll he has his byg tym ego!!....he has made conditionz for me that i hv tried comitin sucide.....he made conditionz sop worse i hv literally lost myslf....i cnt change my father bt ol i want is peace...he makes me feel dat i m incapable of certain thingz....if i had dreamz 2 fly high in sky..he has ruined...i only luv my mum n grandfather....bt sdat has changed my mum 2.....i want my lyf 2 b in peace!!!....
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replied February 19th, 2013
It's not your fault your dads a prick. It's east to blame yourself but your dad is a child abuser. He's emotionally abusing a child! Get counselling, do it soon. Help yourself. Speak to someone that is trained to help victims of abuse, it could totally change and improve your life. There is always hope . Take action. And get the support you deserve. All the best. Ps never give up!
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replied February 19th, 2013
It's not your fault your dads a prick. It's east to blame yourself but your dad is a child abuser. He's emotionally abusing a child! Get counselling, do it soon. Help yourself. Speak to someone that is trained to help victims of abuse, it could totally change and improve your life. There is always hope . Take action. And get the support you deserve. All the best. Ps never give up!
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replied March 18th, 2010
i hate him, i wish he would die today. He is dependent on us and complains 24/7. Always comparing me with other, saying how fortuante i am to have a father. Honestly, I rather not have a father at all. All my life , i have never been praised and always been yelled and threatened by him. I don't get beat nowadays cause i'm 18 but my heart would skip beats whenever he threatens to hit me. As a father, he never play his role. Seriously, he is a hazard to our health. I'm depressed because of him, I'm so close to being bipolar that i can stab him now. I moved yesterday, and woke up in the morning having him yelling in my face and complaining about driving my siblings and i to school. what, its the first day, u can at least drive us for today. How in the world am i suppose to know how to get to school. I don't even know where i live. All through the 2 hour ride, it was like hell on earth. Nonstop, yelling yelling and yelling. I bid my tongue n didn't talk back or said a word to him. But he kept going, about how stupid i am, y i still going to school cause its not helping, that i don't worth a penny, n he even said women were worthless. My music was on max n i can still hear him. Three streets before my stop, i was at the peak of tearing. Minutes after he drop me off, tears starts pouring. I really hate him. He had hurt me emotionally and mentally. Over the years, I had come to hate men. I'm not as socialable as before cause i'm scare. I had withdrawn myself from the world. N THS IS ALL BECAUSE OF HIM. There are so much more i want to write. I'm praying to be accepted to the university so i can leave. If i have to spend my college years living with him, i swear i would kill myself if not HIM.
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replied June 16th, 2012
your first half of the story had everything to do with me , i use music (reggae) to pull me from reality, like its summer and he's telling my mother i cant go anywhere because i'm going to embarass him and tell people about him when he tells all his friends and every stranger he meets about me making me look disrespectful when nobody knows what he mentally does to me, he's been doing this stuff since 3rd grade always treated me differently than my siblings. i just always go to my room anytime he's home and just kinda sleep everything away.
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replied March 21st, 2010
i hate my dad
my dad is a prick end ov conversation
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replied April 14th, 2010
Im a high achieving uni student at a prestigious uni but my dad doesnt seem to value it at all. I just woke up at 6am to revise for my xms. He started screaming at me for no reason and told me to get out of his life. I am so hurt, crying and scared. I cant believe my family have put up with his idiocy for so long. I have battled through exams for the last 7 or so years and have achieved straight A''s only bcos my mum has kept me going. We have everything, &money, health, education and he is ruining our lives and everything we have for no reason whatsoever. I wish he would leave us alone. I feel your pain- my message is be strong and always be the better person.
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replied April 20th, 2010
My father treats me like i''m 7 and makes me feel like i have nothing to live for i wish he would stop but i think he would get even madder and make me want to kill my self
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replied July 7th, 2012
same here, im 16 years old and my dad treats my like im 10. he makes the BS rules that im just think im not a baby anymore. he yells at me for the stupidest reasons. i cant stand him, and he doesnt even realize it. and after he yells at me he tries to smooth things over like nothing happen. he ticks me off like every day
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replied April 21st, 2010
im 15 and im bipolar and other medical problems and my father ever since he found out all of that he wont look at me anymore he dont even tlk to me!! im at home with him now because of some medical stuff and this morning he said he'll make me a omelet and when he was done he gave it to me and i went to bite it and it was hot so i said ill let it cool off for a bit and he got all rude with me and saying i didnt take that long to make it so its not hot at all and said hes just trying to make a point??
iv always been a daddys girl and i do love him but now with how hes been treating me like im not even his daughter its like im feeling that i hate him at times...
i feel horible about it but why does he treat me like this it just adds to my disorder and depression,, any suggestions how to deal with it??
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replied April 21st, 2010
Community Volunteer
Honey, let it pass....Sometimes parents can be beat up by the pains of life and take it out on their children...They don't mean it, but they do...Growing older for parents is as difficult as it is for a child...Only we forget to remember that we once lived this place in life and it sure wasn't easy....Just take one day at a time...Some are easy and some are hard...But, we all had them....

As for a suggestion....Ignore him when he acts like this...In time he will catch on...It will be another lesson in life for him to learn...Good luck...

Caroline
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replied July 20th, 2011
YOUR NOT ON YOUR OWN
im 34 and i havent spoken to my family for a year now all because of my father.
he use to punch my brothers and make there faces bleed when they were naughty children or he would throw things, he threw all the tvs in the house out the bedroom window once,then made me age 7 go out with him the next day to replace them all out of guilt, he threw wine in my face slapped me , hit my mum around the head again and again down the hall way, he use too say call childline they wont care and you will split us all up, i wanted to leave for my whole childhood. The violence stopped when we all became adults because he is a coward apart from the time he decided i should go and wash my car and tried to hit me to make me do it but i managed to hold the door shut so he couldnt get to me, ( he says that it never happened but it bloody did i was 25 yrs old only ten years ago.but the mental abuse never stops, hes twisted, has no friends, jealous of everything,he sent a letter to my mum in law saying her family are evil and mental and i should get a divorce. i havent time enough to write how messed up i am, im suprised i havent killed myself yet. i moved to another country to get away from him which has left him able to turn all other family members against me with his lies in my absence. I stood up for everyone and wrote hmy father a letter, now my poor abused brothers wont talk to me i think they are really scared of him even though they are 41 and 39. I think hes reliving his own childhood and needs serious help but children of his generation 1940's seem to be void of emotional reasoning and cant look at himself.
Things will probably never change, in fact i recieved an email from him this week giving me another guilt trip, in his manipulating way. I will be stuck with this until the day he dies or i die.
depends whos stronger and that is how it is.
i miss my family i feel so alone, its like they all died in one go. Dont know how i function everyday, it puts me off having kids, what if im like him, sometimes i get so angry and intolerante, i know ive learnt it from him, scared to repeat the cycle.
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replied December 30th, 2011
Its such a relief to read this page. I hate my father too. He is the worst person I know. He was an alcoholic for years, and then stopped drinking because he was in jail. Then he came out. But he is still a jerk. He pretends to be nice, but whenever anything goes wrong (like small things, like tap doesn't work ????) he gets abusive nad vile and threatening. He hasn't changed at all. Part of the problem is realising and accepting that my mum is totally responsible for this too. Because of her I had to live through years of hell. She didnt' care. She was so obsessed with keeping man in her life she let her children be abused. She pretends she is a victim, but she has always sided with him in every dispute and never cared or helped me. If someone hurt my kids they way my father hurt me I would kill them. My mother is a wh*re and my father is a scumbag. I wish they would both die, but death is too good for them.

I say to myself in my head (directing it at my father) "YOU HAVE NO POWER OVER ME OTHER THAN THAT WHICH I HAVE GIVEN YOU. AND I AM TAKING BACK ALL MY POWER NOW"

I say to myself
"I RELEASE FROM MY CONSCIOUNESS ALL CONSCIOUSNESS OF HAVING AND NEEDING A FATHER: I DONT NEED YOU OR WANT YOU> GET OUT OF MY LIFE. YOU SICK MAN. "

I pray god will hear me, and I pray that I will manifest a better life for myself.

Please help me.
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replied January 8th, 2012
if i could help you i would! i want to with my whole heart and soul, but all i can do is pray for you. i sooo hope that you find a better life.
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replied February 20th, 2012
I understand. I say that from experience. Even as a small child I knew there was something wrong with my father. Although he never drank, he did have the same persnaity regardless and I think that's even more scary. Maybe he's bipolar. Anyway he's old and it took me a long time to realize that his behavior had nothing to with anyone ever, he just thought about himself. I have cut ties with him now that my mother is passed but I offer you this. The anger you feel and hold in your heart will only hurt you in the long run. Learn to balance yourself, meditate go for long walks. I'm not suggesting you have anyting to do with him, keep things in perspective for your own peace. Love will come for and from others...find peace with it so it doesn't rot your heart.
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