I'm 15 years old and I hate my "family". I hate myself. I hate my life. I'm seriously considering overdosing on pain killers so I can die. First, let's start with my "dad". I cringe when I call him a "dad". He's doesn't do ANYTHING all he does is sit on the couch all day long watching tv. And when he actually does go to work, he comes home and does the same thing. He doesn't help my "mom" pay the bills for anything, he treats me like **** by calling stupid, etc, and he yells EVERY SINGLE DAY. Him and my "mom" are always arguing and yelling. Now to my "mom". She obviously wants me to graduate and leave so she can move on with her life. She told me that exact statement just a few minutes ago. And, I could tell for the past years that she never liked me. I was ALWAYS the first person she blamed for every thing that happened. Spilled milk, me (even though it was my "sister"), cracked glass, me. Everything is my fault. And, whenever she looks at me I notice her giving me a really cold look. I catch it at the corner of my eye. And it hurts me so much inside because I used to love my "mom" to pieces when I was younger. Matter of fact, I used to love my WHOLE "family" when I was younger. Things change I guess..
Now to my sisters.. my middle "sister" is turning 13 tomorrow, and I'm not going to wish her a happy birthday or anything. She is so FAKE. One day, she's acting all nice with me. Then, one day she turns her back on me and hates me. And, she always calls me dark. I'm caramel-skinned and she calls me dark, just because she's lighter than me. Now, I've been bleaching my skin for a year and a half now. I've gotten so self conscious because of her, she make fun of every part of my body. My curly toes, my small gap in my teeth, skin color, etc. It's unbearable and the fact that society likes lighter skinned girls better makes me even more self concious and want to kill myself. And my youngest "sister".... ugh, we got into a fight today at the dinner table not too long ago. She called me a *****(and she's 11..) and threw food at me. So, I threw my teacup at her. I was sick and tired of her. I NEVER had a relationship with her, maybe when I was 4 or 5 but when I got older I hated her so much..
And, I've been so stressed. I haven't been doing good in school this year, my family is is making me build all this anger inside, and.... ugh it's just so much.
You just do NOT understand how much I hate everything right now. My family, my life, my skin color, everything.
I am sorry you feel that way, BriannaDee. I can tell from your writing that you are a sensitive person and try to do the right thing. Please know that it is not your fault that your parents argue, your mother's bitterness. Life is not always rosie. You will be fine. As a Buddhist, I believe there were reason you were put in such family in this life time, you have deep karma relationship with members of your family, and there is mission you must accomplish in order to change bad into good, "change poison into medicine". Love them, with all your effort, pray and ask for strength to make it happen no matter what. It is not easy especially as a teenager, I know. If you are interested in more information about the wonderful, happiness - creating Buddhism, here is a link and you can find a center to practice with people struggling with all sorts of challenge and advance victoriously. All the best!
hey briannadee, i know how do you feel why not try getting a kechara relationship chakra or kechara healing chakras. It really helps a lot try it i already am wearing a relationship chakra and have a kechara tibetan wealth vase in my home brings in positive energy and it looks beautiful
i am in literally the same problem as you with the exact same family structure (rude dad, mom with no manners, 2 b****y young sisters), only i am 21 and things are still the same after 6 years... they've forced me to be very bitter towards them and as nice as i try to be, they are VERY RUDE people and after you are independent, you don't owe them any of your time other than maybe a few phone calls a month. i'm sorry to tell you but they will NOT get better. you just have to use aversion because you cannot change people. facing reality is step one.
next, i notice others are telling you to be more spiritual and pray for help. again, please be realistic and not just rely on prayers. trust me on this, God is not always going to listen. you may be your nicest to your family, but they will take advantage of your niceness, and it will be wasted effort. you can try, but it will be worth nothing... been there, done that.
the easiest answer is to stop focusing on them, get really busy with your life and limit your time with your family. go out with your friends, have fun, don't let your family ruin the youth you have now. if i were you, the best way to stay busy would be to get a job and SAVE UP for college and to move out!! the faster you do this, the faster you can get away from your family. don't let them be in control of you <3
some of the things i said about your family may have been harsh but that's only because i used the word "family"; replace it with people and you get haters. that's not how family should treat each other. good luck and keep control of your own life, don't let others limit you.