I had a surgical abortion 12-4-10, and do not regret it.

This is really helpful. Thanks. My love life isn't dissimilar to yours either so this helps too. Like you, my guy's last girlfriend also got pregnant... should have seen the warning signs when he told me soon after we met. I am 10 weeks pregnant 4-5 months after meeting him. have spent 6 weeks dilemmering, being in denial, then wanting the baby,then not being sure about the man, etc etc a rollercoaster of emotions. Gorgeous looking passionate man, everything felt right at the time of unprotected sex, we felt deeply in love, all rediculously romantic and beautiful, but since then I have woken up to reality and discovered he is the wrong man for life or babies with me. It was hard to have to admit this to myself so soon into a fun relationship full of potential, on top of deciding that the sensible thing to do for the baby's sake as well as mine is to stop the pregnancy. (The relationship is a long distance, end of summer holiday fling that got serious, he's from another (Muslim) culture that's massively pro marriage and children, I am from UK with a Christian background leading a fast independent working life with high expectations and exciting work offers and interesting projects i am half way through, all of which I am not ready to give up right now this next 10 months, too many commitments and great opportunities in the diary etc, he is from another country with a different language. He's great fun in each others company but unbelievably unsupportive and uncommunicative when not physically in my company, not answering phone or replying to texts, not willing to make an effort to discuss what is marriage, or what it means to have a baby, but simultaneously over the past month has been complicating my emotions by telling me (when he chooses to communicate) that He wants to have the baby and get married. Finally he freaked out and ran away from the situation, blaming it on stress at work. Thankfully yesterday he finally told a mutual (male) friend who rang on my behalf to suss out his real intentions, hopes, fears, etc and he said that he wanted me to have an abortion as we aren't ready to do this together. When i told him I have an appointment, he confirmed he had no problem with this by text, by wishing me well. This was a massive relief and has helped me feel more at peace with my decision. It's a massive decision for me because I am 34 and wish it could have been the right man and the right time and the right everything. I'd love to have children. I wanted children before I was 30. Maybe that is why I let myself get pregnant even though it is blatently something i ought to make space for and plan properly in my life first, and be more sure about the man too..... I have learned a lot about what I want and don't want in my life because of all this.

I am due to have a surgical abortion tomorrow and am very nervous, sad and trying not to back out of it. but i know i persoanlly can't be a single mum and continue my demanding career, and if i don't do my career i ill at first let down many colleagues, and then i will be miserable and resent the baby for preventing me from persuing my passion as far as i wanted. It's hard: what if this my only chance in my life to have a baby, what if I never meet Mr right, or get pregnant again, what if so many things. I couldn't tell my Mum or family, I was too ashamed and didn't want to worry her or them, but I am glad i spoke to several friends, and they all helped me to know I am making a good decision for me and for the unborn baby. I always thought i was anti abortion, because life begins at conception in my view, even if a soul maybe doesn't. I had no sympathy before for people who make the kind of mistake I have made, i always said to myself I would have the baby if this ever happened. But now here i am, thankfully in a liberal country where abortion is safe and legal, making this decision which i hope i will never regret, and simply put down to experience. I can't sleep tonight. I have never had any operation before and can hardly bear a cervical smear test or getting prodded at the STD test clinics, so am dreading this ordeal, apart from having to numb my emotions and not let any guilt set in. I just need to remember it's the right decision for me now. You seem to be a stronger person than me, but your strength has inspired me to be strong too. I will try to remember to breath deeply and think how it will be over soon, and look forward to being much more careful, realistic, responsible and definitely very firm in future with guys who say they don't like using condoms. The cool sexy slightly vain boys I unfortunately seem to be drawn to usually have no idea what abortion or even the morning after pill ( which mucks up the hormones and makes me feel feel awful) are about - well this one is pretty unsympathetic and unconcerned and uninterested anyway! Only thinks of himself and his own needs and his own pleasures. For Any girl especially with any level of lower than should be self esteem or any kind of emotional insecurities reading this: don't let men make you feel bad for insisting they wear a condom. Many men are fine. But some are selfish and pushy, in a manipulating kind of way that is easy to fall for. Use the STDs safety reason if necessary, scare them with possibility of disease. It has worked for me in the past when i have been stronger. I was feeling a bit depressed and unsatisfied with life at the time I fell for this guy, the guy was spicing up my life and offering me something different, and he was the first man in my life to really openly say he loved and wanted to be with me for ever - so it was easy for him to get his way in sex simply by saying he didn't like using condoms and it's so much nicer without. Of course it is. But very few men have enough self control not to come inside you, and it's just not worth trusting them. I wish I had secretly gone on the pill or had a stash of emergency morning after pills on me. He really wanted babies, I did but wanted to be more sure about him first, but I was vulnerable and didn't take control of the situation at the time. And, I was abroad in a country where you can't get these pills over the counter. The cold shower up the bum after sex technique didn't work like it might have in the past.

a bit long. a lot of stuff. hm. maybe someone can benefit from my reply/story, another thing: I think it is really hard for us who are over 30, who do want kids, but who haven't met the right man or circumstances, to have to basically decide whether or not to be a single mum, or to have an abortion- it's the last thing our hearts want, even though rationally, it's the thing we might have to do. It's comforting to know that so many women from all walks of life and all ages go through the experience... the best advice i have been given was by a friend who had an abortion once: she said the main thing is to be sure about the decision, so as not to be emotionally scarred afterwards. I hope this is true.

Hello, I hope you are doing well! I am so glad my story helped you with what you were going through... Thats exactly why I posted it!

How did everything go? How are you feeling?

Hi, That's nice you replied to me. Another long answer here, this is partly self counseling I guess, but also because mine is a story about how I worried far too much about it, and how in the end it was all very easy. What I have learned about abortion is that it is nearly all about being in the right frame of mind both emotionally and physically, and totally 100 percent sure of the decision in head and heart.

What actually happened is that I went with 2 close girl friends to the clinic, signed in for an appointment booked 2 weeks ago on the NHS, saw a nurse who tested me for HIV, clamidia, did a scan and told me I was 9 weeks 4 days pregnant, then produced a consent form to sign.I was really nervous and worried already at this point, also hungry, dying for a drink and tired. I was there from about 1pm - 3pm. had got up to eat and drink at about 6am that morning but then couldn't sleep well. I had to wait about 30 mins in a waiting room with several other people. My friends were talking to me about other things,trying to help take my mind off it all maybe. Then my name was called, and I suddenly felt sick and got a very bad tummy ache and wanted to run away. I didn't feel calm at all. I suddenly felt all wrong. All the nurses and people there were nice, but everything was new and I was really scared because of never having had any kind of hospital treatment/surgery before. I had to take off my clothes waist down, in a little cubical, put them in a basket which got taken to another room, then suddenly it was my turn, but I chickened out the moment I walked into the "procedure"room. There were 2 men, one Indian looking, one African looking, and a Chinese looking woman. They were talking loudly, bustling around, asking me more questions, but when I saw the bed and the leg rests I felt even more stressed and panicked. I cried and they started saying I needed to be sure, lets not do it today. But I had spent 6 weeks coming to this decision, and had taken a day off, and it's nearly Christmas so I was furious with myself.I sat and calmed myself down in another room, then tried again. This time I got as far as lying on the bed, my legs up, but too many questions were coming at once, what was my date of birth, could I move down the bed a bit, blood pressure test was happening, the woman was asking me if I had children, was this my first pregnancy, what was my job, other small talk questions possibly to try to relax me, then they were about to sedate me and I freaked out - cried again. Couldn't do it. So I came home again.

I thought a lot about why I had been so pathetic. Then booked another appointment.

Basically I knew I needed to have the abortion, but my heart was still not 100 percent with my head. Being pregnant has been quite emotional, and I liked the idea of having a baby and had been through the scenario in my head of giving birth and having a child from next July. But there were too many reasons why I shouldn't do this, especially since there was an option not to. I also remembered that ...I am dyslexic, not officially diagnosed but with a million symptoms that I have learned to overcome in my work life and general day to day life. I tend to worry too much about anything new or unfamiliar. I clam up under stress that I haven't experienced before. (My job is stressful but i know what to expect there so it's never an issue there). I can't cope with having to digest too much information at the same time especially when anxious. Also apart from this, my emotions and outlook on life is noticeably affected by low blood sugar levels and lack of sleep.

I booked another appointment for 9.45am on 24th Dec - this morning. I treated myself last night to an aromatherapy massage with a wonderful lady who knows all about pregnancy and pressure points and oils etc. A friend of mine stayed at my flat last night to make sure I slept enough. I had a late, healthy supper. I felt much stronger and that I was making the right decision now. In the morning I still felt it was the right thing to do, I wasn't too hungry yet. I woke with a headache, so had a bath and washed my hair to massage my head better. (not allowed to consume any liquids or food or anything for 6 hrs before, they had said, so I had guessed no paracetamol allowed!) we took the bus, but it was extremely crowded, I think I had bad morning sickness, or it was nerves, so we had to get off half way and get a taxi. Once at the clinic again, it was much quicker and I knew what to expect this time. (I am like a child sometimes!!!) It all happened much more quickly, less waiting, no time to get hungry, and I felt in control. I told the nurse that I was dyslexic and that two dyslexic things I do are to worry and to not cope well with too much information being thrown at me, and please could she ask the doctors just to get on with it and not ask me any unnecessary questions. They were very good in the end, she took me in to the procedure room by my arm and this time introduced me to each doctor (different men, same Chinese woman I had reacted badly to). I still knew what to expect this time as had done this bit before: getting onto the bed, legs up in the "stirrups", sarong round to cover my legs, blood pressure test, then it was time to be given the injection for "conscious sedation." I never have anaesthetic at the dentist, as am actually more afraid of being unconscious in any part of the body than feeling pain. It's probably a fear of being out of control. So the hardest bit was clenching and unclenching my fist while he got ready to inject me. I tried to breath deeply. I soon felt myself getting very tired.

The next thing I knew, I was in another room with some other girls,beautiful, lovely looking girls of various ages from 20 to late 30s,(not sure why this surprised me!) a young Indian girl who was told she had not relaxed enough despite sedation so the doctors had decided not to go ahead (which really shows they take care not to hurt you), a tall youngish blond mother of 2 who had failed to persuade her husband to have what she called the snip, and was picking up her children from the grandparents later, and a girl whose job was to drive a bus, and a few quiet girls giving nothing away. I was in a sort of deck chair, being offered sweet tea/coffee, biscuits, water. The "conscious sedation" may as well have been a general anaesthetic. I hadn't felt a thing. I don't remember a thing, not even having my knickers put back on with the ST pad in. I was a bit sick after drinking the tea, then slept a bit in the chair, then when I felt better, was told to go to the loo, check for blood, then had a chat with the nurse about how to look after myself from now, and how and when to take the antibiotics she gave me. Then bye bye. That was it.

But I do feel totally exhausted now, a few period pain like aches in my tummy, have slept all day and am now digesting what has happened, alone in my flat. it's Christmas eve. I was advised not to travel for 24 hours and now I realise why. My family don't know what the problem is because i can't bring myself to tell them. I feel like crying. But i have been told by the massage lady and a few friends that my hormones will be all over the place. Someone gave me geranium oil to put on my wrists to help balance the hormones. I feel like i am having a period, but with almost no blood - yet. a mild headache and tiredness.

Basically, the actually procedure was not a big deal. It was the decision to go ahead and do it that was the challenge. and the aftermath - definitely need time to chill out and take it easy.

So-You were right, the procedure is not as bad as it sounds. I can also say to everyone out there: if I ( a dyslexic, hospital phobic, over-sensitive crybaby) can do it, anyone can!!

I had my procedure on Oct. 16 of last year. It seems like no matter what I do the sadness seeps in. It's too much hurt and I find myself crying here and there. I thought I'd be okay since I have been in this situation when I was younger. I'm now in my early 30s and I could have really went through w/ my pregnancy. The timing would have been just right.

Unfortunately the father has a baby w/ his g/f. My relationship w/ him has been a lengthy sexual relationship but that's all it is. I care for him so I didn't want to create drama for him and his new family. His relationship w/ his g/f is fire. They argue all the time and she is known for being a difficult person. Nonetheless, I made the decision to terminate my pregnancy in order to not hurt his child, g/f, and my family.

It pains me a tremendous amount that I made this decision based on other people's feelings and not mine. I would do anything to take back what I've done. I hope God forgives me and helps me become whole again.

The problem with this is you have to deal with post-partum depression. In addition, there's not a whole lot of support from the general public. Abortion is still taboo. I have a hard time mentioning it to my doctor. Oh btw, had an abortion last weekend.

It's a lot of hormones. Pregnancy is a lot with hormonal change. It seems like you made the decision not for yourself; however, which is not ideal when considering abortion. You should consider counseling. It sounds like you are dealing with several difficult issues at once while recovering from the abortion.

Hi sandy 0511: I am so sorry to hear about you feeling sad. It's such a horrid time. I want to say some positive constructive things in case it helps a bit. I have managed to be okay 6 weeks after my abortion, but I had a lot of support from good friends and a couple of family members. My advice I can pass on is basically 1. talk to someone or several people until you feel better 2. pamper yourself and be nice to yourself in every way you can think of or afford. 3. Buy some geranium oil , I think it actually does work to balance the hormones... put some on your wrists and some behind the ears.

Abortion may be "taboo" but it is amazing how many people I spoke to have gone through it for whatever reason, and been okay in the end. Talking openly about it to several friends really helped me. Counseling would definitely have been another option if friends hadn't been so supportive or available. The NHS and abortion clinics offer free counseling in England. I really recommend talking about it a lot to get it out of your system and move on more happily. Once the abortion has happened we need to move on because being sad is not fun, not healthy, and is a shame when life is so short and precious and only happens once. The fact is there is nothing we can do now to bring the baby back, end of story.

You mentioned God.... Counselors and doctors tend to avoid bringing God/faith into things. God is complex, we cannot put God in a box or totally know what God is. My thoughts for you are that I suggest you don't let whatever you have learned or understood so far about God be reasons for you to feel guilty or bad about the abortion. It almost definitely isn't that simple and don't let anyone tell you it is. The God worshipped by Christians, Jews and Muslims (to name just three religions) is a forgiving God, so we can have faith in that and so not give ourselves a hard time.

Lets try to find ways to be strong and deal with our abortion experiences and learn from it all in a positive way. Like when we break up with a boyfriend it can be negative and awful too, but also we can learn from it, and look for all the positive things we have because of it, for example, space and time for something new.
I highly recommend chilling out, relaxing a lot, and getting to know and understand yourself and your situation even better, the buddhist way perhaps, a bit of meditating/ just sitting calmly focusing on one thing (breathing/ a verse from a holy book of our chosen faith/ nothingness/ a beautiful melody)- meditation/prayer can really help us come to terms in a wholesome way with the stuff that is bothering us in life. It can be gradual or fast, either is cool, but you never can know till you try.

Another thing that has helped me, has been to force myself to get out socially and meet lots of new people, having made sure I am well slept and fed, so that I can be on top form and have good times. Do new things. Go to see films or concerts you might not have gone to before, or try a new sport or new kind of dancing, arrange to go traveling, or change something major in your life - like who you spend most of your time with or where you live, do interesting fun things to inspire you and spice up your life, then let this open doors so you might have more chance of meeting a much sexier and more suitable man to have babies with in the future. Be nice to yourself, indulge yourself for a bit, sleep lots and eat well, have relaxing baths with your fave music playing, read a nice book, watch funny films, get a new funky haircut and feel good about yourself. Be in a stronger frame of mind to let the abortion experience turn you into a stronger woman than you were before. Take time out for yourself. I did this for 2 weeks after the abortion and now I am fine with no regrets. I spent hours in my flat making it a nicer place to hang out. Now it's a nice place to come back to and enjoy being on my own.

With the support of friends who listened, including a few people who advised I take time out for myself, I have managed to deal with it positively and it feels like life can only get better now. I really hope the same happens for you too, and soon. Treat it as a big learning experience because perhaps we went through this nightmare for a reason - we can learn a lot from it, and come through stronger and wiser.

that advice for time for myself can really help for me to. thanks

I had a surgical abortion today. I found out I was pregant Jan 23rd but felt I was pregnant before I actually took the test. I was a week past my period due date and I have 3 kids and so I just had a gut feeling. I wasn't in a relationship with the father, he was someone I knew for a long time and it pretty much was just a physical relationship, and it only lasted for like a week. I couldn't believe I had ended up pregnant in such a short period of time. I have been a single mom raising my girls on my own for almost 4 years now. It's not easy and financially very hard, I knew another baby would make matters even harder. Not to mention the confusion and issues it would cause with my girls, one whos old enough to comprehend things. I didn't want to put them through any more hard knocks, they had a rough time when I was with my ex husband, he was abusive, and I just knew I didn't want to cause any stress for their lifes. It was a very hard decision that I battled with for some time. It was between my head and my heart. It wasn't easy. I knew this guy wasn't a guy I wanted in my life for the next 18+ years. When I told him it was obvious he wanted me to have a abortion. So I told him he'd pay for the whole thing. He wasn't to thrilled about that, he wanted me to pay half. But I pretty much wasn't going to budge on this issue and he really wanted it done so he coughed up the money. I made a appointment and this place requires a consultation first to do a vaginal ultrasound and I think basically make sure you want this by giving you some time to back out. They were very nice. Not judgmental at all, and very caring and sympathetic. I immediately liked them. The only downfall was they don't sedate you, and I was terrified of the actual procedure. They gave me meds to take home, to to insert myself that actually starts the process (once you take these you can't change your mind) and then some mix of painkillers/muscle relaxers. The days dragged by so slowly. The night before the procedure I didn't sleep well, I tossed and turned. It was harder cause I had no support person. I was on my own to deal with this. Every day I prayed God would just give me a miscarriage, I knew what that was like I had one before, and well that didn't happen. So the day of the procedure I took a extra long shower, before using the 2 tablets. ONce I did that my mind knew I would go through with this. These pills are toxic to the pregnancy. I wasn't about to have a baby born with issues. Time still dragged on. My heart and mind battled. A friend picked me up for my appointment, I took the mix of painkillers/muscle relaxers, I don't know how much they helped. I did alot of breathing. I got to my appointment. Entered the same room and waited. The doctor and assistant came in and gave me a heating pad to use, which I loved I have been having extreme back pain, the procedure wasn't horrific like I thought it would be I had painted such a painful experience in my mind that I was overly anxious. It actually was pretty quick, less then 10 minutes, I didn't have a watch so I can't say the actual time, but it was quick, it wasn't pain free, but mostly just crampy and a little tough when they scrap you out. But I was greatful she was so careful I didn't want to have to come back cause she missed something. She talked to me the whole time trying to get my mind off of things, but I just focused on breathing. I was at the office for less then 25 minutes total. She gave me some antibodics to take at home and some pain meds. Then sent me on my way. I appreciate her and her assistant for making this process so smooth and as painless as they can. I had to rush home to my girls. I have some cramping and bleeding. It's been 11 hours since the procedure and the bleeding is very minimal now. Just some pain in my stomach. I know I made the right decision, but I know my heart will still hurt. I hope that part fades away some, like the miscarriage I had. For anyone who is considering abortion, know the worst part is your own mind and the battling you do with making a decision. For me that was the most stressful part of this ordeal, it literally made me sick. But probably because I couldn't make this decision easily. I hope for everyone else they don't have to battle with it as much. I am so grateful women have options. Too bad men didn't have to go thru this instead. Good luck with your journey. Oh, I was 8 weeks at my time of abortion. February 1st, 2012