Hi, I was just hoping someone could shed some light on my situation, I feel like totally closing my mother out of my life, growing up, im 30 now, she always physically looked after me well but not emotionally, i can never remember being cuddled or kissed and she has never told me she loves me or anything, I was never encouraged and I don't feel I can ever be myself around her, I got engaged about a year and a half ago and she never said congratulations just commented that my ring looks like a fake toy ring, I've talked about various wedding venues and she has basically egnored me or said it's too much trouble to get to, I've never felt close to her and the slightest thing she says now has me seething all day which I know isn't healthy. Yesterday I found out that my younger sister is engaged and she is taking her to look at venues etc and are throwing an engagement party for her, this is a small thing but has brought up years of pain and hurt for me, right now I hate her so much I want to cut her out of my life completely. My dad isnt affectionate really but is encouraging and lovely, my mother is controlling and it feels like she is turning him away also. They look after my son who's 5 sometimes so this would affect my son also. She is not someone I could sit and talk to she would make it look like I was bullying her, the anger I feel for her is just not me at all, I am a calm and usually positive person bus she make me so so angry, does anyone have any advice? Thankyou
I know how you feel! I am also 30 and feel a lot of intense anger at my mother. I was also physically looked after, but emotionally drained, manipulated, berated, invalidated, etc.-and she STILL does this to me! It certainly doesn't stop in childhood. I feel very angry at her almost every day, and I know this isn't healthy, either. I recently moved back to my hometown and she lives here. I was away at college in another city and didn't see too much of her. When I got back, we started seeing each other every week, but that led to terrible situations. I have been in therapy for many years, and find it very helpful. I also read books about toxic parents. Information is good, and it is also good to learn about how emotionally abusive people function. They have patterns of behavior. You can learn to recognize them. I avoid my mother. I don't go over to her house, and I don't do much with her. I feel guilt at times about this, but it is for my own sanity. If she keeps up her behavior (and so far shows zero signs of changing), I may not see much of her ever again. That is the way it goes. I am in a relationship, too. And a crazy mom will put a real strain on it. I am glad my boyfriend is smart and recognizes her behavior often before I do. My mother knows how I feel. Maybe not all of it, but enough of it. I have told her. I have tried to come to a good place with her, but it isn't happening. I don't think it ever will. Detachment from an abusive person can be a very good thing.