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I feel so hurt, angry and alone. (Page 1)

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I can not hold back the tears today. Everything in my life seems to be empty. I have no one to call or speak with that would not judge me for feeling weak. I have destroyed my heart by trying to achieve success in my life and I have no one to share it with. It feels like I am just going through the motions, like this isn't even real. I wish there was someone out there that would be emotionally available to me. No one wants to be close to me. There is so much pressure on me to be the positive leader and to succeed that I have to hide any problems or fears I have in my life. I need help. I am so terrified right now. I don't know what to do. I hope I am not alone forever. I alienate everyone that I have a possibility of communicating with. I hate feeling weak. I just want this to stop. I want to feel OK again. I can't make any friends because I am so strange. No one understands me and I have to leave places because I can't speak and it makes others uncomfortable. I don't want to be made fun of anymore. Please just be nice to me. How can I live a good life and feel normal. I am trying so hard. I feel like nothing could make me happy. I am broken, something is wrong with me. I should be fine but I am not. I am collapsing. I feel like such an embarrassing failure. I hate myself. No matter what I achieve or how hard I work I still come home alone and feel like there is nothing more in life. No one could ever love me because I am a monster. I don't love myself. I am a hollow shell of a person. I don't know what I am doing anymore.
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First Helper JohnDoe17
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replied February 22nd, 2009
hi
i know how you feel i go through simmilar things all the time. i have dpression and to me it sounds like you might have it. depression is basically a one word meaning empty but worse. im there with you. you might want to take an oline depression quiz or test then go from there. good luck!
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replied December 4th, 2011
my advice, grab the bible and read it carefully, find yourself in it (theres alot of stories and examples spesially in new testment). and then get out of the house and find a church to go too.. the most important part you need to remember is that jesus is your best friend,father,brother and god, so please dont say you lonely ,coz you not .
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replied May 22nd, 2013
hi im oslin i no what you mean that god is with us but it is just so painfull and my body inside it hurts so much of the pain i can stand it anymore but wot keeps me going is my kids but to me i feel im not so a good mom anymore becase me and my husbin figth all the time and and i feel im the cose of them not going to have thre dad in there life anymore and for me with my husbin always puting me down and only see the wrong in me hurts so much that i hate my selfe at the moment i also feel maybe thy will be better of with out me oslin.
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replied February 18th, 2013
i feel so alone! i hate those people who ruined my life and i don't want to trust anyone! they don't understand me
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replied February 18th, 2013
how can i ease the pain when every time i saw myself in the mirror i don't even know who i am.. this is not me before ! why i feel so lonely,sad,alone, no one can really know what i feel because they don't listen to me .. i am mad to everyone i love, i love them more than myself but why they hurt me?
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replied February 26th, 2009
hi
i really know how you are feeling. I've been having the same feelings for a while. i feel lost in this world. I feel like i have no one to turn to.
Like you i feel like a complete stranger around others i feel like i'm not good enough. Hang in there find in me someone you can talk to...
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replied February 28th, 2009
I think I know exactly how you feel. I have been severely depressed for almost 6 years now. I still don't know why or how I got it. I am no longer the person I used to be, the one who I admired. She was motivated, smart, had personality, confidence. She had a ton of friends. I now don't have any. I haven't been out socially in 6 months now. I am at home by myself every single night. I feel incredibly alone too. I feel like I am always just trying to keep my head above the water, like there's no end in site.
I know how you feel about people not understanding too. When I first told my parents about it they thought it was stupid and ridiculous. I felt like I couldn't tell people because they most likely haven't been through it and think that you can just snap out of it, or quit feeling sorry for themselves. They are wrong. It's not just that simple. It's the hardest thing I have ever and am still going though.
My suggestion is to go and see a dr and start getting a medication regimen going. That will give you a boost immediatly, but will take time. I've been trying different meds for almost a year now, none of them quite right, but we're getting closer. Second, you should go to counseling. I myself have never done it because I've been scared, but I have my first appointment next week and can't wait to get advice from someone who knows a thing or two about it.
I'm not going to give you a pep talk, because I think sometimes people just need someone to agree with them. That sucks that you have to go through this. It sucks so incredibly much that it can never be put into words.
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replied May 27th, 2011
I have been feeling the EXACT same way for quite awhile. I feel like an outsider. Noone understands me.
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replied August 4th, 2009
Does depression medication REALLY help?
I watched my mother suffer from manic depression (bi-polar) for 40 years. While it stopped her from completely falling apart, it never did make her happy. She never did make friends and she died feeling alone in the world, even though we all loved her so much. She got more and more introverted and isolated. She always pushed people away.

Heck, I can do all that without medication!

Isn't happiness a choice?
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replied October 23rd, 2012
Medication is suppose to help people get out of bed. It's up to the person to want to be involved in other people's lives other than their own. It's a cliche saying but balance is key.

Happiness is the product of being able to balance selfishness with selflessness. Notice, whenever we do something selfless and it's openly appreciated by another individual whether it be the one you may have helped or by an onlooker, we feel good about ourselves being selfless. Some people feel more gratification by helping strangers, some people feel better about helping blood family members, or strictly friends. Whoever you choose to help, take note on how it makes you feel when it's appreciated. If you run into people who don't wholeheartedly acknowledge your selfless efforts, then they dont deserve your kindness ever again until they can show how they appreciate you.

If you want to get yourself out of depression, stop thinking about yourself for awhile. Then when you feel you've given enough of yourself to the point you cant give anymore, it's time to revert your attention back to yourself and appreciate your own company but remember, find your balance.

I've found that the zero system works for me. It's common knowledge that being totally selfish is generally a negative thing, right? So doing selfish deeds is a -1 point and a selfless deed is +1 point. The goal is to keep yourself at 0 points so that you can always feel like you've done enough for others and for yourself.

I hope this helps.. I may not be in your shoes, but I think inner pain hurts the same.

Cheers!
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replied August 4th, 2009
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i m sorry to hear that completelylost, that sounds so sad. i battled depression for 18 years. i blame it on my childhood (physically & mentally abused).
it's hard for some people to feel happy even on medication. i was on prozac and it made me numb for a month then it wore off. you can always ask the therapist to change your medication or up the doages.
my mom was happy on prozac, i had 20mgs and she had 40.
i got off of it because i didnt like the way it made me feel.
JohnDoe17,
do you have an account with myspace, twitter, facebook. you can meet a lot of friends this way. what about work, or school, your neighborhood. are you quiet like me and it takes a long time to meet people.
i have one bestfriend, one boyfreind, and one female associated, and i m content.
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replied August 4th, 2009
Medication still not the answer?
sorry to hear you were abused. i wasn't. i did grow up in a house where my Dad expected a lot of us. he had very high standards. we lived in a very isolated part of Canada - i never did get the chance to develop strong social skills and i can be quite introverted.

i guess i am a real oddball ... i struggle with this all the time ... i do have opportunities to make friends and do things with people but i always push it off and/or find an excuse not to be friends with them ... i always think that we won't have enough in common to hold my interest. sounds snobby, huh? i know! my counselor says i am a snob. maybe i am. i expect a lot of myself and others and am tough to be around. i end up pushing people away all the time. i have no idea WHY and i don't think that is something that medication can fix. everyone arounds me thinks i should take something.
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replied August 4th, 2009
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i think it has a lot to do with the point that your dad held you at high standards, and how you lived in an isolated part of canada.
i m so used to being by myself and i am very judgmental when it comes to meeting female friends. i think this is because my strick parents told me you dont let everyone in your household, and hardly anyone came in.
you dont have to take medication if you dont want to. but counseling is good for you.
your probably not a snob, everyone is different.
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replied August 5th, 2009
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Honey I feel so bad for you..Please do go see your doctor..You expect and is expected so much from yourself..Too bad you can't throw your (work phone) into the ocean and just relax on the beach with a nice cold drink..
I'm gonna throw this out:I bet you are very intelligent and that makes it harder to relate to a person of normal intelligence as well..Sometimes talking with someone makes them feel like a no match just due to the intelligence level..Don't dumb it down because you would not be happy that way either..Check in your area for clubs where people go to who have the same kind of responisbilites that you do..Like someone who owns their own business knows all the rules and regulations where the worker bee doesn't-nor has a need to know..Be with people who are at same level of intensity..But please be sure and see your doc..who knows you might have some kind of hormonal imbalance and lab work could show this..But talk with your doctor..ok..k
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replied March 10th, 2012
I totally agree with her point of view. The depression like other disease needs to be cured. Just like sometime you have flu you take rest. In the same way you need to take a break from your busy life and ponder for a while. But running is not the solution. You must go to doctor and seek help.

In the meantime do take high doses of magnesium, vitamin B complex, 5 HTTP and Tyrosine. These are natural supplements which are better than taking antidepressant pills...May Allah swt cure you...Ameen.
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replied August 5th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
Hey completelylost
Medication does help but it's not a magic pill. It will allow you the normal function you need to enable you to interact with others without anxiety or personal demons sabotaging your efforts but there isn't a pill to overcome years of social isolation. Your heart, metaphysically speaking, is in a sense a muscle. Like other parts of you it gets stronger the more you use it. The way you strengthen your ability to form emotional bonds with others is by making yourself vulnerable, learning to interpret the needs of others and trusting that they will look after your needs. The practice is simple, almost effortless but the process of learning is hard and often painful.

Happiness like everything in life is a choice that many people don't get to make. A working treatment psychological or psychiatric will give you the power to make that choice but choosing happiness is very much so choosing to do the work to attain the things that make you happy.
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replied August 10th, 2009
Experienced User
I hope you feel better my friend Smile
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replied August 20th, 2009
omg are you o.k????
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replied August 23rd, 2009
There is no magic cure for depression, the only cure is within yourself. You seem to be carrying a mask around with you, everyone sees it and it impresses/intimidates them, but it's also a barrier, no-one can see your insecurities, but you can't see them either, and hence you are alienated from them.
People have stopped seeing you as human, instead they simply see the big impressive front you put up when they are around and forget you are human, and cannot empathise with you, unfortunately with that front in the way, neither can you- hence: mututal alienation.
Dealing with this is difficult, you need to begin to let people gradually see you are human, gradually lower the barrier. If you let others see your weaknesses as well as your strengths communication is easier, bonds are more easily made and interaction and socialising become easier too.
Counselling can make lowering the barrrier between yourself and others easier, but ultimately it is up to you. You are the only one who can solve this problem, pills can numb the symptoms but will do nothing about the initial cause of the problem- your social barrier and insecurity.
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replied July 20th, 2012
I understand how you feel!
Mask

~ Potsim And Pikachu

I was once sad and lonely,
Having nobody to comfort me,
So I wore a mask that always smiled;
To hide my feelings behind a lie.

Before long, I had many friends;
With my mask, I was one of them.
But deep inside, I still felt empty,
Like I was missing a part of me.

Nobody could hear my cries at night
For I designed my mask to hide the lies.
Nobody could see the pain I was feeling
For I designed my mask to be laughing.

Behind all the smiles were the tears
And behind all the comfort were the fears.
Everything you think you see,
Wasn't everything there was to me.

Day by day,
I was slowly dying.
I couldn't go on,
There was something missing..

Until now I'm still searching
For the thing that'll stop my crying.
For someone who'll erase my fears,
For the person who'll wipe my tears.

But till then I'll keep on smiling.
Hiding behind this mask I'm wearing.
Hoping one day I can smile,
Till then, I'll be here.. waiting.
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replied January 8th, 2010
depression
i have had depression for years cuz life is just going no-where. the more I try to improve the there is no break thru. why. I can't sleep well, I have no friends, I feel sexually frustrated and dis-satisfied by my peasantry way of life when the rest of my family have children and careers, some are even older then me. can't see a way out, til things turn around.
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replied January 8th, 2010
Experienced User
I feel so bad for you guy's. Sad
I'll be praying for yous. Hope peice is blessed you.
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replied April 27th, 2010
I feel so hurt ...& im in a world of darkness...When i know i am a super shinny bright light...My hubby is crazy because he has come to a point in our marriage where he is not sure about us because of arguing.he has done so many things to me from cheating hitting one time only & being an mean ass man,But yet i have always stood by him & loved him unconditionally ....I should be the one saying im not sure...but his high & mighty self is the one saying he is not sure....what people have alot of nerves...Me & our 3 kids have put up with his Alcoholic ways & verbal retarded abuse for too long & all we ever wanted was to be loved.....Im so tiered & worn out for loving somebody that cant love me back the same....& im not perfect I can be a smart ass @ times ,but i dont drink ,smoke & am faithful ,loving & i have been a hard working mom & wife to support my family....I cook great....Ive even been told to open a restaurant....im also pretty & a hot 35 year old woman that works out & looks 27 years old....I stood by this man threw it all & he is being a ass wipe....Man I dont know how to even put it all in words I feel almost like im dieing in side....what do I do to get out of this dark place....while we are waiting for counseling.& for him to make up his mind whether hw is going to try or not...Man i deserve so much more....tears.....OMG I feel like dieing somedays......figure of speech!!
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replied April 27th, 2010
I feel you ...& I understand your pain.....i feel like I have so much to give....& I give & give with no one to receive with gratitude....My huuby dont appreciate me at all.
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replied April 27th, 2010
Experienced User
I wish i could help you gals out, but this is GOD''s department, pray to him.
I''m sure your husbands love yous allot they just don''t know how to show it, and when they try to express it, it comes out wrong.

And lets no forget pride, most of the time neither one wants to say i''m sorry first even when they are wrong.
Remember, an ai''m sorry can and will go a long way.
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replied June 17th, 2010
Angry Hurt and Alone
I feel like I've been miserable for my entire life. I put up a wall of revenge when I was 11 and my dad had abused my mom into a pathetic shell, a broken shattered terrified wreck. I watched the destruction of an angel over the years and I vowed to God and to myself that I would hate him and any other abusive people for the rest of my life. And I still do. I still do. And my mother is dead now, and I still hate the only parent I have. I have felt so alone for as long as I can remember. I remember when he killed her laborador and threw her out of the house and she left crying, wrapped in a coat and drove off into the snow. And she never came back and I have been alone ever since that night. I've gone from one abusive relationship to another and inbetween I feel so alone. Now I'm at the end of relatonship I ended because I realized I was blaming the guy for everything and he was apologizing all the time and it didn't feel fair.

I really want to stop feeling alone but I'm terrified of letting another abusive man into my life because I have done it twice in the past an I'm only 22. I have this fortress of a wall surrounding me and it seems as though only phsycologically f*&%ed up people can break through it. So I always end up walking all over someone or becoming someone's doormat.

I have so much anger towards the men that have hurt me. I should've called the police and had them thrown in jail when I had the chance. I'm angry at myself for being so weak and scared. It's not like I can call the police now however many years later and say, hey I'd like to report a case of extreme domestic violence...."sure mamm, when did this occur? . . . uuuhhh. . . 200. . . 8? or 2007 maybe. damm. "
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replied June 18th, 2010
Experienced User
I feel so bad for you, but here's some sound advise, when you do get a good and bright man in your life, do not blame him for what the other men did to you.

It's not fair and plus you will be cheating yourself out of what could be the best friendship and relationship you might ever have in your life.

Take it slow, and if he is a good man, he'll wait for you to get comfortable with him enough to share your feelings and thoughts with him.

Wait and watch him just to see what type of guy he is, if he's an abusive control freak, then you will begin to notice, but still wait, because some of those type hide that part of themselves until you are in the relationship, and then they show their true colors.

And if he's not, and he's an honest hard working caring guy, that really cares for you and about how you feel.
Then you will see that.

Just remember, don't paint all guys with the same brush, we are not all the same, and we do not all think the same.
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