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I Feel So Alone (Page 1)

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I just don't know what to do in life right now. I don't have any hobbies, friends, or a functional family anymore. I'm just not happy with anything, I go to sleep feeling so fricken lonely and wake up with the same feeling. I don't know what's wrong with me..

I'm 18 and senior in high school right now. I use to have so many friends, but things changed. All of my friends drifted away into new cliques and groups. It's still sad to walk past each one of them and they don't even have the dignity to look my in the eyes and say a hello. I also drifted apart from my friends, I don't force all the blame upon them. A lot of my old friends got into a lot of substance use, and I was part of that for a year and a half. But, I've been pretty clean for over a year now. I isolated myself from my friends who did use, just sick of that stuff. It just made me more disappointed in myself.

I could barely deal with being in school, but now it's summer and I have completely nothing to do. Before (during school) I would be busy from 8 to 1:45 and just chill at my house alone from 2-whenever I fall asleep, which is usually very late. (1-2am)
And now I have all day just to be at my home and just hangout by myself. I just want some friends who are respectful, kind, funny, just people who are themselves. You know? I am sick of two-faced douche bags. I live in such a beautiful town, just wish I had some beautiful people to spend time with. Lay in the park, talk, converse, reminisce, just chill at home and watch a marathon of That 70's Show and eat pizza.

I've had two good friends for the past decade, but they're drifting away for good. One of them is a very popular guy (between girls) we use to hangout every single day for years, but he's gotten very serious with his girl friend now, just isolates himself from everyone else. He just hang out with her and plays WoW all the time. He use to be a good friend, but I don't know what happened, started ditching and really got to me. My other friend just graduated and he's been going to a different school, so obviously it's been hard to maintain our friendship. He's going to a foreign exchange after summer and then to college.

I also use to have hobbies, but I lost interested in the past year. I use to play guitar for a couple years, but I don't really have a feel for it anymore.. I also use to skateboard every single day with random people, but all of those people started using drugs and prioritized it over skateboarding. I stopped progressing skating a lone and with fewer people, just gave up a few months ago. I find it's not fun to do alone, like most activities.

Lately I've been looking for a job, never had one before. Need some responsibility and something to do. Dropped off a few resumes, but never got a call back. Just have nothing to do, no one to love. There's only a few things so far that I've grown fond of in life. Hip hop, food, and television. I listen to a lot of underground hip hop and I can just connect to so much of it, I cannot explain the feeling, I guess I can say that it makes me feel alive and not alone for once. Watching the show Scrubs is like a hobby of mine, haha. I've seen like every episode at least 50+ times. Kind of shows how much free time I have o my hands. It relieves me from depression for some reason. Again, I can't explain it.

My old best friend would always tell me to get out and try new things because I'm so introverted. But my lack of friends is because I am so picky (that's what I think) to this day, lots of people still ask me to hangout, smoke, etc etc. But, I don't want to. Most the people who want to hangout just piss me off. Guys in general bug me, always have to smoke weed before school, between classes, after school. it's like their only priority in life. I just want people who want to hangout with no excuse or goal. I worded that a big weird, hope you get what I mean.

My school is very small and I know over 75% of the students (the remainder 25% are freshman) so I'm pretty screwed on that until I move.. I know this is gonna sound weird and pathetic, but I met this girl over myspace. and she's such an amazing individual.. Our states are neighbors and she actually came to visit me, I didn't believe it at first. But she showed up.. I don't really want to go into it too much, but she took another trip down to my state a month ago just to see me for a few days and i dunnoo... that's pretty crazy. she's so beautiful, intelligent, unique, caring.. idk. We spent 3 days just laying in parks and talking about everything that came to mind with each other. And I was content just doing that for hours. During that time she was here, I didn't feel alone for once.. Wish I could get that feeling back.

feel so alone right now, haha.. i don't even know why I came on this site..
not really looking for sympathy, just I know every single person goes through their own level of depression and have different obstacles in their path, just curious how other people deal with it and cope. just wish I had some people in my life right now.. I'm a guy by the way, bet 90% of the people reading thought I was a chick for most of what I wrote. hahahaha.

If you read all this, props. Bet you're a really kind person..
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First Helper DerekNG
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Users who thank DerekNG for this post: todd10101  TaylorBeth9614 

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replied June 19th, 2010
To "I Feel So Alone"
Wow, it's cool that you sound like you know and understand yourself quite well. And you've been through "things" and then made decisions to take different paths. That shows some serious strength. Kudos! It does take time to develop new friendships, especially when you're choosing new paths. And you gotta put yourself out there (like you have online, but have you tried it in person?) If it's hard, have you considered seeing your primary care physician or a psychiatrist to ask about anti-depressants? Exercise (like hip hop dancing!) can be a natural anti-depressant, if you can motivate yourself to get started and dance regularly. Combine it with seeing a counselor or therapist and you will be on your way to finding solutions and feeling better, I bet! You sound half-way there already because you have insight and you have already taken action to change (avoiding drugs, etc.) You sound like a valuable person so remember that someone out there needs you just as much as you need others, and take the step to start making it happen, even if the first step is into your doctor's office! It will happen for you. Smile
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Users who thank LadyInHotlanta for this post: DerekNG 

replied June 19th, 2010
you're such an great person, imo you will find someone, soon , good luck Very Happy
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Users who thank ConcernedBoy for this post: DerekNG 

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replied June 19th, 2010
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We all feel alone time to time and I'm glad you have not turned to drugs as an outlet from these feelings. Do you have any relatives your age that you can hangout with? I had reached a low spot in my life a few weeks ago because of somethings that are going on in my personal life. I reached to an old boy friend that I let go because he had become addicted to drugs. At the time I let him go it was hard for me because I loved him so much. Well to make a long story short, I was feeling very depressed for about a month and didn't know who to turn to because like you I had let all my regular friends go because we were moving in different paths. I had not talk to him for awhile and wasn't sure if he would even take my call because how I had let him go. Well he was glad to hear from me and I talked to him everyday until I felt better. Just having someone to tell my thoughts and feelings to I admit there was some crying going on with me to made a big difference in my life. I'm no longer feeling depressed or worthless as I was feeling. What I'm trying to say is that having a friendly person to talk to makes a world of difference even if it is a pschiatrist. I hope this helps you to know your not alone.
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Users who thank gotquestions1524 for this post: DerekNG 

replied June 20th, 2010
Lady - Just beginning to understand, I guess. I really don't know that much about myself, don't know really know too much of what I like or dislike, only a handful of things. Yeah, I have tried in person, but I am just not fond of the people that are around me. I'm still in high school and I don't tolerate being around immature, self-absorbed a**holes. I have previously, my best friend got sent to rehab during my freshman year for over a year and I got really depressed during that period of time, so I attempted to see a therapist. But I decided against it for some reason. I don't really believe in needing someone to aid my feelings, I feel that it can only be changed by yourself. People can help you along the way though, but I don't like help. I also do not believe in taking medicine, America is already doped up on too many meds, there's healthier ways out there to deal with personal sh*t going on in my opinion. Thank you for you kind words. Peace.

Concerned - Thank you. Peace.

Gotquestions - Just a part of being human. It's really hard, at some point everyday I feel like doing something.. But I fight against the urge. Use to have quite the bad habit with substances earlier in my high school years. I don't, I'm adopted and an only child at the moment. (39 year old brother and 30 sister?) Not sure, have no contact with them, haha.. I'm sure you turned his life right side up just conversing and being there for him. You know, sometimes people use to see if anyone around them cares. A sad way to see, but true in some circumstances. One person does make a difference, damn I need to find somebody! It does, thank you for taking the time to write something and reflect some of your own life. Peace.
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replied December 29th, 2011
Experienced User
"I'm a guy by the way, bet 90% of the people reading thought I was a chick for most of what I wrote. hahahaha."

Why would you think that? Are guys not supposed to have emotional problems? Are they not supposed to talk about them?

Your name is Derek and you keep referring to your friends as guys so I don't think anyone thought you were a chick.
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replied January 4th, 2013
The use of Prescription drugs in depression
You don't believe in medication? I'm not a pill-popper by nature but I do have an anti-depressant. What is the option? The attitude of some doctors (many of whom have absolutely no idea what it is like to be engulfed by depression) is unfortunate. "Just pull yourself together. Think positively" Doesn't help at all. It may work for them in a passing blue mood.
Psychotherapy? Like taking a stick and stirring up the dirt from the bottom of the pond. I know. I did three and a half years three times a week. It helped me understand my problems but did not solve the situation. Therefore I'm willing to take a tablet a day to be reasonably functional.
Friends come and go in life as I have found. As people mature they often change their habits, interests and search for different qualities in friends.
Find a couple of potential friends and "develop" them, finding out more about their interests, fitting in with their plans if it helps.
Perhaps find a charity which would appreciate your voluntary work. Do you like animals, for instance? For sure pets need assistance. This time of the year brings so many cases of abandonment and cruelty.I wish i could write to you personally.
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replied April 3rd, 2014
so are things getting better? well I hope so
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replied July 25th, 2010
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I'm hoping you find that person and if you don't I can be that person if you don't mind. I still need a friend to talk to from time to time. You can send me a private message if you would like to talk to me. Sorry that I'm getting back to you so late but, my house was broken in to and all my computers were taken. So I'm just getting things back together some what anyways.
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replied July 28th, 2010
help
i really dont know what to do anymore its summer people are out having fun hanging out, but not me im home all day alone by myself never doing anythin watching movies just to pass the time. i recently got in trouble and it changed my life a little like i never hung out with anyone because i was always grounded but now im not and i still dont have noone to hang with and nothing to do.Nonone understands and if i try talking its just considered "complaining." i really think i should go to the doctors but my dad will just be like you dont need that and i dont have the money for that so idfk. im alwaysmad about everything. i just dont know what to do.
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replied July 30th, 2010
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Hi Jenn

I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling down these days but, it is good that you want to get help for that. The teenage years can be hard if you have no one to talk to. Is there a boys and girls club or some youth group like that? My daughter used to go to the YMCA and sometimes the YWCA for activities for teens. Now she is in a group at her high school she doesn't have time for that anymore. I suggest that because those kinds of places have a lot of activities to choose from and a lot of teenagers visit them. This way you get to meet new people and have fun at the same time. Plus there are usually counselors there that you could talk to. I know meeting new people and making friends is hard but, in the long run if you meet someone there that could be a good friend to you it could last a life time.
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replied October 8th, 2010
I feel exactly the same. I googled "I feel so alone" just to see what would come up.. I guess to see if anyone else feels like this. I'm kind of glad its not just me. I'm around the same age as you too (but i'm a girl), I just finished high school and started university (i'm from Australia.. i'm assuming your American?)
Most of the things you said sound so familiar. I find the people around me so annoying and ignorant, I want to make friends and get to know people, but most people just bug me! So i'm starting to think maybe I'm the problem, that I think to differently to everyone else or something. I have a couple of people that are sort of friends I guess, but I don't really feel like I connect with them, and at times they really annoy me, and I think i'm just keeping them around to make myself feel like I have someone there. I know it sounds selfish.
I find myself hanging alone in summer and on most weekends as well. It sucks.
Anyway, looks like you wrote that post in June, so I doubt you'll see this reply, but I just wanted to let you know I feel the same way.
I hope life gets better for you Smile
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replied December 23rd, 2010
That's really weird that I'm having the exact same feeling. I also met a girl on facebook and i went over to meet her in a different state. I bet if whoever feels the way we do can go out to the city and just meet random people and it'll make us feel better. I was really close to doing that just yesterday but it was late. But thats all I wanted to say. Go out and meet random people, like an adventure.
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replied January 9th, 2011
Trying to get back
I see the last post was a week ago, and I have no clue that some one will check this or see it or even respond. i don't know why I have isolated myself - i thought I was being strong - leaving every one to live their own lives...but I feel so alone. I know if I give , it'll become a mess of emotions, feelings, thoughts etc...and I'll be no where again with my work. I'll have no direction. What the hell am I doing declaring myself to a random crowd - like it will matter. What if this makes me more worthless because I would have shared myself (spread myself out) once again. Who am I, and why have I wasted so much time soul-searching and yet am no further? Sorry for not helping any one, or being a good friend to any one in a long time. My island made me feel safe - but I've let every one down - I have been such a small person. Sorry. Whats the point of life. Wheres the happiness now that everything is gone? How can a have value? How can I be strong again?
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replied July 4th, 2011
Same here
i have been told this is a stage in life, teens have to find themselves... some look to hard.. like you and i.. and this happens.. depression.. i feel the same way you do.. i hope we do get out of this hopeless rut.. i know its our choice.. but its so hard sometimes.. i just want to give in and die... or go rebel against society to make myself feel better(helps sometimes but maybe immature) idk hope you become happy soon though
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replied July 4th, 2011
Same here
i have been told this is a stage in life, teens have to find themselves... some look to hard.. like you and i.. and this happens.. depression.. i feel the same way you do.. i hope we do get out of this hopeless rut.. i know its our choice.. but its so hard sometimes.. i just want to give in and die... or go rebel against society to make myself feel better(helps sometimes but maybe immature) idk hope you become happy soon though
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replied January 31st, 2011
karoo (and the rest of you)

I feel terrible too. You're not alone. And I'm open to being friends with each and every one of you.
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replied February 7th, 2011
DEpression
I'm gonnna be honest, I can really relate to your story, I'm also very much alone, and I have serious depression, in fact, I'm considering ending my life, right now, BUT, You've definetely made the right choices about not smoking or doing drugs, And try to look at it this way, Cos I never can! "things can only get better" Good luck effendi!
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replied July 4th, 2011
dont do it tho... life is better than non.... just get pissed do something stupid.. dont take your life... trust me.. its too selfish.. it hurts to many people.. even if it seems like it wouldnt...
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replied November 1st, 2011
I know you posted this a while back, and I don't know if you're even still following this forum, but I just wanted to say that I hope things are looking up for you. Please hang in there.
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replied February 7th, 2011
little opinion+ a probable solution? :)
similar situation with freshair Smile
sigh, though i read from another forum which an adult said random acts of kindness will help.
maybe being more active to give than receive (though not receiving any care from others can be hurtful) can save us from this abyss of lonliness.
anyways we're not alone. Wink
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replied February 11th, 2011
Alone...also.
Ive attempted suicide before didnt really help much. Just kind of made me feel i couldnt even do that right.probally not even worth it. i relate to a lot of you all too. cuz i kinda cut my friends out of my life because they were using drugs a little too often and going the wrong routes in life. idk if it was the right thing to do. is it better to not have peer pressure, because you do not have peers?
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replied February 16th, 2011
trust me things will get better we all go thru this at some point in our life . u were smart enough to not to do drugs and smoke, things will get better trust me. there will be a time in your life when ul be way better off than all the ppl in ur school. just hang on things will get fine soon
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replied April 6th, 2011
Well, like the other person who replied, "googling I feel so alone," that's what I did too... I kind of feel depressed that I can't find friends I want. I almost have the same situation as you, besides the family and drugs thing... My family is great and my real fear is my friends.. I got some but don't really hang out with them that much. I sometimes feel they only talk to me if they need me, and if they don't, they're gone.. Nice share by the way. I can really relate.. I feel ya. Very Happy Here's my advice, try to think that your situation is not as bad as the world's right now. Some people are so sad because of more intense things. I tell myself, I am lucky to have a great life, I have food, shelter, and clothing. I can go to school unlike other kids and I should be thankful... Though sometimes it's not enough, to me, it helps... Very Happy Good Luck.. I'm a guy but I also have a hard time having guy friends.. I only have a few.. which are mostly responsible, unlike the others. Smile
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replied April 15th, 2011
L7
Haha I too googled the same thing. I always feel like this. At least for the past 3 years. I used to just smoke hella weed and sorta get over it for a bit but now i'm just really tired of it. I have a boyfriend and I feel like i'm in love but it's still not enough..Life in general just gets me down, the whole idea of it these days anyways.I'm starting to meditate and it seems to do a lot of good for me. I just feel lost in this pit of loneliness and I honestly feel like it's hopeless to feel otherwise because I simply don't trust anyone, never have never will.. So in the end no matter what I really will be alone.
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replied May 10th, 2011
lool i googled it too. i gues it feels good to know that ur not the only person feeling like this..

i went thru the same crap, i dropped all my friends in highschool, started sellin drugs and using and it was grand.
in time i got arrested and had to go thru detox for opiates. it sucked but it wasnt the worst i gues...

i too started to meditate and got my life back together? i was doing alott of research on the pineal gland. some say its a portal? and that dmt is the spirit molecule? idk well i could swear after years of searching, randomly dmt found me..
tried it a few times n i jus never got wher other ppl went. only made me more depressed and wasted $80. its like anything i put my attention to, turns against me. i cant wait to just be done.

iv been thru alota stuff in my life and everyday is now the worst day of my life. u ever see office space?
yes, today is the worst day of my life.
the only reason im not dead right now is cause im afraid to goto hell idk. im sure if things keep goin the way they are, i doubt il evn care.

the most shocking part is i get unemployment, im still living under the parents roof, and dont have any responsibilitys for the most part. yet i suffer intensely everyyday. im greatful for a home and food but honestly, i would almost like to b kicked out so ican crawl up in a corner somewhere n starve to death.

wat realllly got me thinkin/searching about this crap was wen i logged onto my yahoo acount. i never check my email but for watever reason idid. lol it hasa status update thing like facebook, and from 26 weeks ago, i wrote "i wish i was dead"..
thinking back before that, i was still feelin the same. i jus used lots of marijuana to get thru my days. i was much happier doin heroin/ocs everyday lol....


so here i am, 25 years old, at 2am, alone, writing nonsense that prlly wont even let me post cause i don have a goofy foookn account to w.e website this is. guna smoke the last bit of my weed and pray my roof collapses on my face while i sleep and i die.


god if u can hear me, please dont let me wake up in the morning.


p.s.. i keep typing in a name and it gives me the Green ok check. n then wen i press go it says invalid uder name. only letters and numbers allowed. lol story of my life
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replied May 18th, 2011
Hi there, I read your post and want to share with you a site I found.
http://zenhabits.net/6-practical-and-power ful-ways-to-overcome-depression/
The information is self-evident, but it is worth a look. Remember, happiness is being able to live a healthy lifestyle in healthy surroundings, a very hard thing to do in the society we live in. I am a lot like you. I am 27, unemployed, live with my parents, and feel miserable everyday... except a few days when I take walks and feel spiritually uplifted. I hope you will be my friend. I feel alone a lot these days too. So please try to eat less and healthier, do aerobic exercise, and have faith in yourself.
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replied May 13th, 2011
We are all the same:)
Hunny, props to you:)

I've lived my whole life never getting close to many people. I have struggled as well to be less socially awkward. I'm sorta a loud person and had been at a super small private school until my freshman year, which now, it makes it so much harder because everyone at my school is a bunch of idiots who try to hard to "fit it" to impress people who don't give a crap about them. I stay in the best classes I can get into, I stay in clubs, i mean, my life is so organized yet so cluttered. I have a hate for people, yet a love for living beings. Sorta dumb, I know. But I have days when I get to school and I have nothing to say and everything that comes out of my mouth sounds wrong and drags other people away. I have so many plans and dreams. It so hard dealing with the pain of knowing that you aren't welcome here. It really sickens me to know that I have 2 more years of this crap. Being a highschool girl, this is supposed to be not that big of a deal. But for me, I have to struggle with chronic depression, insomnia, and seeing a therapist every week. No one sees that. Everyone knows me as the loud, happy, ditsy yet smart girl. No one knows me. The worst part is finding hope. I miss passion. Like real burning passion for something that I enjoy doing. Something I can do right. But I'm not giving up. Not yet. Please, never give up.
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replied November 2nd, 2011
Hey, I read your post and maybe I could dispense a little advice through my experiences (and for a fifteen year old, I sure as hell have a lot), because my current situation is reasonably similar to yours.
I used to live in Hong Kong, and I went for two years to a secondary school (they use the british system, so where you are it's "middle school") where all of the students were divided into cliques.
I fit in with none of them, and so made friends with a few other rag-tags who were very different, but like me, didn't fit in, back then even with others I felt alone.
I have now since moved to a different (private) school in Australia (where I'm from), and everything has been so different, but I've adapted to this situation better than my old one.
I think that not everyone is as idiotic as they look on the surface.
A lot of my school is divided into cliques, but I hang out with a lot of people from all different cliques because every group member is different, no matter what the books and movies say.
Some people may be passionate or have an interest in the same things you're into, and that can be the foundations of a new friendship.
I have now made friends with a tonne of really different people because we were all mutually into the same thing - playing pop and rock music, and that was that.
Friendships aren't always made because one person is really similar to another (I am almost the polar opposite to one of my friends, and we still hang out), but because there are a few common interests or sometimes even disinterests.
Most people won't get this until their college years, sometimes (universe forbid) they won't get it until they're way older!
And, as you've very rightly said, never, EVER give up.
In addition, don't try to live out your entire life (partners, cars, jobs) before you leave school.
It ain't gonna happen.
That's why the average lifespan of a human is 70 + years.
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