I don't really know if I am in the right place, but I just googled how I felt and this forum came up so I figured why not.
I'm sorry if this is the wrong place though.
So basically I am sad all the time, if I sit for even a few moments and just think about things I end up sobbing, which I am doing right now, I just can't help it.
I feel so alone, I honestly feel like I have no one.
I have lost touch with so many people since I had my son four years ago, I never see any of my old friends now.
They all seem to have move on and away from me, if I send anyone a text message they are aways too busy, that is if they even bother to reply.
I have a few friends that are also parents, but I don't feel close enough to them to really talk to them, they are more 'let's meet up so that our kids can play' friends.
My family is even worse my parents are great, but I have a younger sister who I do not get along with, I would even use the word hate, and I view that as a harsh word.
She steals, is abusive, drinks and takes drugs, gets in trouble with the police, sleeps around, that kind of thing.
When my son was only three months old she was supposed to be looking after him, for two hours and she got high went out and left him alone.
I haven't spoken to her since.
Then when my son was two she left amphetamines lying around and my son nearly took them.
So I stopped allowing him to be at my parents house without me present, because I don't trust them.
They have Rose tinted glasses when it comes to her, they refuse to see what she is like, and they refuse to accept that she can not be trusted.
I was then told that my behaviour and my hatred to her was unacceptable and was destroying my mother, and breaking her heart, and it was hurting and damaging my son and that I needed to get over it and grow up.
So I told them that if that is really how they felt then would make life easier for them and not see them at all, then they wouldn't have to be subjected to my awful behaviour.
And I haven't seen them since.
I feel so sad and alone. And I lose my temper at my son really easily, which I hate.
I stay in by my self all the time apart from going shopping and taking my son to nursery and the occasional trip to the park I don't go anywhere, and I barely talk to anyone.
My only true friend, the only person that I know that I can count on is in the army and on tour of Afghanistan.
I had quite a good job but I had to give it up because I couldn't afford childcare and have no body who could watch my son.
I just feel like this is the only way my life is ever going to be, that this is only going to get worse and that I am only going to become more unhappy.
I also worry that maybe I am damaging my son and that maybe he would be better off without me, I don't want to ruin his life like I have ruined my own.
I can understand that totally.....I feel i have no-one too.I had those "playdates for our kids"friends too and I felt no real connection to them so the relationships fizzled out. I worry about my kids too,their dad is so outgoing and friendly but me I cant seem to talk to people anymore so i avoid social situations.I dont want my kids to have no friends because of me?My daughter constantly asks me to play with kids ....so i take her to parks etc and she runs around with kids she doesnt even know. (
my heart goes out to you. i just googled exactly what you wrote and your post came up. I have been like that for a long time too although i am much younger than you perhaps,24. I think people grow apart in life so easily as you get older and it can be so hard to feel loved in a sense. I sincerely hope everything works out for you. I'm sure someone somewhere will see the good in you and in all you do eventually and it will work out. right now thats what im trying to tell myself. But be a small bit comforted by the fact that you are not alone feeling like you are.x
Tuesday 3rd July 2007 was the last time I gazed upon the face of the only girl I loved, the only person that bought true colour in my life. She gave me a reason to live, I would have given my right arm for her. She was everything, the one person i believed that could or would never hurt me, the six months leading up to then I started realising the extent of her calculated an devious, manipulative behaviour. Not long after she had left, I found out that she had been cheating on me for the last year leading up to that. Being as I am not the most strongest of guys, well I guess you could say I'm extremely sensitive. I ended up going on a self destruct mission leading to a massive cocaine addiction, failed suicide attempts, and just feeling totally physically and mentally insecure. Now nearly 5 years on it seems thing are not better. I guess like all my friends you will all say get over it. Even after rehab I still have not quit, and I guess this all leads to the fact that I'm sooooo lonely. I'm surrounded by amazing friends and a good party social life. Anyway I guess I'm waffling but what I'm trying to say is that I'm so so scared to even talk to women, I know I'm extremely good looking but this is not gloating or anything special, I spend most my time alone crying and thinking of Amy. I get attention from plenty of women, but I freak out if they even look at me. I don't know what to say, I feel like I am just boring I spend all day looking at couples in love like the green eyed monster. I get so so angry at life because it's not fair I can't take my own life as I know the pain it will cause my parents and friends. But it's not fair, it my life to take, and I don't want it any more. I can't go on like this. Treating Amy like a princess just lead to my heart being trampled all over. I feel like no girl could ever love me as I feel boring and that I have nothing to offer. I have no confidence, I can't stand this loneliness any more. I know people will probably think that there are millions worse of than me and I know there are. But I guess I'm just weak, I just want someone to love, and truly love me back. But the whole thing is bollacks everywhere I look I see people cheating. I FEEL SO SO ALONE. IS THIS IT? IS THIS GOING TO BE MY LIFE?
Ik this is an old post...but i also feel the same i feel.so empty so alone i need something and.i dont know what it is...its like my insodes have been taken out and my heary has been left with nothing to fill it, i have amazon family and good friends but i feel like nobody would understand...i just want to fall asleep and not wakeup some days. Makes me feel so guilty because ibhave a daughter but im not good enough...i just hate life righr now.