This problem has been going on since I was in grade 8 and has continued into my grade 11 year. I want to get my life back before I hit grade 12, but I am not sure how to do it. All my life, I have been a straight A student, but this year, I am not sure if I will even get any awards because my GPA is now going down into the 3.4 - 3.6 range ( this is not what I usually get, so that is why this result bothers me.) Sometimes, I feel very alienated from my friends, even though they have done nothing wrong and for the most part, are great people. I feel inferior to them because they are doing really well and seem to have no problems, while I am struggling just to get A's. I have begun to study less and less; it is becoming more difficult to even sum up enough energy to pick up my homework and do it. Once I get home, all I want to do is watch movies or play on my computer (I never used to do that until this year). At home, things are kind of rocky between my parents and I. I really don't know what is happening in my life right now, and I am scared that things may get worse. I have even been having intense anxiety attacks just by thinking about my future. I am hoping to become a doctor, but with my grades, I am not sure if that will even be possible. I hate looking at myself, because I know that I have so much potential, but I am too depressed to even try and use it. I feel like a failure not only to myself, but to the people who depend on my and expect me to achieve things in life. People used to look up to me because they thought that I was smart; now, I feel that I am loosing the respect of my peers, my friends, and my teachers. I have to lie to them about my grades so that they can still respect me. I am always critiquing myself, so that I try not to make any more mistakes, but I seem to be making more and more. I have tried to cry so that I can release some of this pent up emotion, but I cannot. My heart feels empty and I feel like dead; the will to succeed and the determination to continue have left me, and I don't know how to get them back. Should I end it all, or is there a way to return to my old self?
Let me start by saying no one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. I've made mistake upon mistake. It happens, and it's alright, it just means you're human. Try to take a look at one thing at a time, looking at everything all at once can be a little overwhelming.
I know sometimes looking at other people, they can seem to have it all together so well, but I promise that no one can have it completely together. There's always one thing people struggle with, it can be different for every person, but no matter how hard we try to hide it, it's still there.
When I feel like I can't feel any emotion or that nothing's going right or I'm scared of my future, I look to God. Because anything is possible with God. And although sometimes it took awhile for me to see it, He has never let me down.
And the truth is, He won't let you down either, because He truly does love you and doesn't want you to feel like you have to take this on by yourself, because you're only human. You can only take so much before you can't take any more. And that is when you find God.
Ending things is never the answer. And there's always a way to be found again, trials help us grow, someday you can look back on this and see that it made you an even better person than you are now. It's all up to how you choose to view the situation. You said yourself you know you have potential. And I'm sure people still do look up to you and love you, not because of your grade point average, but because of who you are.
A true friend would never change their opinion of you just because you're going through a rough time. Rough times happen, they do. A true friend wouldn't want you to feel like you had to be perfect, because you don't have to be perfect. You can't be perfect, no one can. But you can be you and do your best, that's all anyone can ask of you.
God really loves you, hang in there, and if you ever want to talk, feel free to send me a message,
Take care & God bless.