Medical Questions > Relationships > Single and Struggling Forum

I feel like I'm lost, and scared.....

I'm an 18 year old guy and I've never had a girlfriend in my life. Or can't connect with anyone..... I was always a quiet kid in early school days. Never really had many friends, only a few, and as the grade got higher I just got more and more isolated.....i never finished high school.....in 2006 I started chatting online in cell phone chat rooms and met a great girl my age, we talked for hours every day on chat, and eventually we started saying stuff like meeting in real life, and spending time together, we got so attatched and bonded, it was a great time in my life for once. She lives in Canada. Then, somehow we lost contact with each other, and for 2 years and a half i never heard from her....then in may of 2008, I went back to the chat room place and found a new profile she made with her email address and I emailed her to see if it was really her, and i couldn't believe it but......it was her. She was so happy to see me again and I was too. Since then we've been emailing back and forth, talking about how we like each other and stuff....She's 16, and I'm 18. She wants me to go live with her in canada, but it's to far away. I live in the USA. Neither of us want to move out of our respective places it seems, but I don't know yet. She's on summer vacation and I haven't heard back from her yet. She wants to go to art school when she's older, and she doesn't want to leave her girlfriend (just a female friend) I really love her alot and she loves me too. I don't want to lose her. I don't know what to do....I feel bad.....but it's out of the question for me to go there...I don't want anyone else in this world but her....I can't sleep or eat or get my mind off of her. Meanwhile, here I am, i'm always by myself, never go out anywhere, no friends, i consider myself a no-lifer. I'm not ugly....or at least i don't think i am...I'm about 6 feet 2, and i weigh about 130...skinny guy, i'm white/italian/american, never did drugs, never got arressted, i'm an innocent man..... As these years pass I just feel more and more hopeless, more and more scared, that I'll never properly connect with any female....No girls notice me......i supposed because i am so shy and isolated......(except for her of course). It feels like I have a puzzle piece missing inside of me, or my heart is missing.... she knows i never finished school and she said it doesn't matter to her.....I'm afraid to tell her I suffer from bad depression and take medication....i don't know what to do, I really want her, I wanna be with her forever. I feel so left out and alone and sad, my parents don't know any of this, i'm afraid to tell them....if my mom gets re-married again, i want to leave, and my mom has no problem with me going on my own........but i don't know what i should do...I feel lost, and scared....i want someone to love me, and be with me forever, i want it to be her.... what can i do? all I can do is beg her to come down here, if it means I have to do it on my own expense?

how can i save myself....or, us........i love her with all my heart.....i think about her every second of my life, every minute, every night, i feel like bursting into tears because she's not by my side.......how can i be with her once and for all........
Did you find this post helpful?
|

replied July 19th, 2009
I went through a pretty similar situation; I was quiet all through high school and had only a small circle of close friends and never dated. After I left high school and moved away a girl I was friends with and had a crush on contacted me again. We chatted for a while before eventually deciding we really liked each other and started a relationship. She was my first girlfriend and I loved her more than I ever had loved any one, I had a closer bond with her than anyone I'd ever known. We kept a long distance relationship for a few years before she started to get distant. We used to talk every single day, but then it got less and less until I couldn't contact her at all. She wouldn't return any emails, messages, phone calls, nothing, and it scared the hell out of me, I didn't know if she was hurt or sick or dead. Finally a couple of weeks ago I found out she'd been cheating on me, and it's so far been the most painful thing I've ever been through.

I'm not saying that's what's going to happen with you, but really you'd probably be better off with someone closer to home. Long distant relationships are hard and unless you can guarantee you'll close that gap between you soon (even more difficult since you're dealing with international boundaries) it will most likely just end with someone getting their feelings hurt. I can understand that loneliness you're going through, I was going through all the same stuff you were at first. You just really want someone you can say "I love you" to and someone that'll say it back, just that desire to make that bond with someone, but try not to be to hasty about it.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied July 22nd, 2009
I can't do it. She doesn't want to either. I feel left out. Like the left out loser. I want her so bad, and I have hope that both of us can make this happen....someday.....

I don't know what to do, it really kills me inside. I'll be living on my own soon and I don't know if I can keep up with it.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied July 22nd, 2009
Supporter
I have a question for you. If you love her so much, why is it so impossible for you to consider going to Canada, at least to visit. If things work out, does location really matter?
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied July 22nd, 2009
In my opinion, distance shouldn't be a problem, when 2 people are in love. I tell her this alot. I miss her alot right now, I can't sleep or eat, or think about anything but her. She doesn't like it where she lives, I want her to be with me. I don't think her parents really even know about me yet, we've known one another for 4 years.....
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied July 23rd, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
Hey Lost guy

First of all don't feel distressed about your dating situation. I had a very simular youth, didn't have my frist girlfriend until 19. I have a distressingly busy social life now that involves multiple women. What you're going through now isn't the pattern your life will take. Your teenage years are a time of adjustment and growth. Concentrate on getting where you want to be in life, worry less about where you are while you're growing and adjusting.

While you know that you love this girl, the reality of what you will feel when you share a city with her, or a home, or a bed is totally different. You don't know her that way. Your bond with her is one of texts and possibly phone calls, making things more serious will be in effect getting to know her all over again. Additioanlly she's 16 and cannot enter the US without a guardian to take her there. Even if you visit her you are battling geography and politicis to be with her. It would be hard for you to find a less available girl. This very nice Canadian girl represents an obstacle in your ability to move forward with your life. She absorbs time and energy you should be spending finding a girl that you can have the contact with that you crave, and she fulfills you just barely enough that you aren't trying to meet women local to you. You need to be realistic about the future you have with Canada girl and begin to look for a girl you have possibilities with.

The fact that you are so dismissive about your social isolation and your difficulty in meeting new people is something that should alarm you. Have you talked to your doctor about this? It's possible your medication isn't doing the work it needs to. It's also possible that your Depression has been masking Social Anxiety or other disorders that you need to address.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied July 23rd, 2009
Of course when we would meet up it would be when we were both older then we are now
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied July 24th, 2009
Experienced User
I totally agree with WOLF. This is just a phase your undergoing. Don't let your feelings and emotions control your decisions. One day your going to wake up and realize your that your dream turned out to be a nightmare. Your going to sacrifice your whole future for an immediate excitement, come on. Wake up and smell the roses. They may look and smell good but relationships have to be worked out in order for your dream to become a reality. What you should be doing is build a future, your future. Once you made something for yourself, women will just fall all over you. It's just a matter of finding the right women. And if destiny permits that you'd cross paths, then your meant for each other. If not, then your meant for somebody better.
Everyone wants to be happy, some people don’t realize you have to work at it, it doesn’t always come by itself, and sometimes you have to find it to make it happen. Almost nothing is impossible in this life, there is always a way for the willing and determined. If it’s important enough to sacrifice for, then it must be worth it. In order to get something, you have to know what you’re giving up to get it. In this way, any decisions will be properly thought out with no regrets at the future of that decision unfolds.
|
Did you find this post helpful?