I feel detached and hate where I am in life.

I feel like as the years go by, I'm falling apart. I don't feel like I'm apart of this family I was born into. I have this urge to just pick up and leave but afraid to hurt the people that attach themselves too me. My only friend is the wide open space that, I occupied this world with. I prefer to be alone than spend a lifetime with someone I resent. My head and thinking always get the best of me, communicating with people isn't a problems. It's more like I don't wanna to talk to them about my problems. I'm not open to close people/family about anything I'm always withholding how I truly feel. I don't talk about emotions because it's a whole different level for them. The things that come out of my mouth would come off as being mean or bitter. (I call it hearing the blunt truth.) I have always felt no one gets me or where I come from. Yet, I understand other people better. I have this view point that is genuinely different from normal people. I understand there thinking and know exactly where there going with it, for this reason I have problems with therapist, counselors. I feed them information they wanna hear and I don't tell an once of truth of how I feel deep inside. Its feels like this **thing** is eating away at me and like I lost sense of some kinda spiritual belief. I could hear/read every possible solution as to what is wrong with me but plainly I won't get a damn about anyone's opinion. I just want someone to talk to about why I'm so resentful of having to live and the purpose of being here, I find it a lost purpose when someone mention church or god. There are time I do think about taking my life but I'm to much of a coward to even hurt myself. To who ever is reading this, it may sound like the writing of a derange person, but you tell me. I can only guess what others might think. I'm just a person completely lost and slowly losing my mind over what the heck is wrong with me.