I was teased a lot for my weight in middle school, ive since lost the weight and think im at a pretty healthy level in that respect but I think that teasing has instilled a submissive tendency in my mind and ever since I dont really think of myself in situations and let people walk all over me. I started having feelings for this friend of mine and for the past year I've gotten pretty close to her and have spent a lot of time going out of my way to help her with things and would still do anything for her. Ive known that she doesnt feel the same way about me but have acted the same way towards her, today I told her that even though i have feelings for her our friendship is much more important and that all the things i do for her im doing as a friend and not going for anything more. She pretty much brushed me off in the most convenient way possible (for her) after I told her. I feel like something has to be wrong with me and that i must be worthless if i can be discarded so easily. People always tell me im a great guy but i feel like im just a nice guy in everyones life and that if i wasnt there no one would really notice or care. Ive thought about suicide a lot but have been persuaded the other way by two of the only people that i think actually care about me. I just dont know what to think or do and cant help but feeling completely worthless.
ppl would notice and they would care, deep down u know that try to push the negative thoughts away and u will see the good. u have 2 ppl that care for u? thats 2 more then alot of ppl b happy in that if nothing else, i hope u can find some peace weather it b on here reading others ppls posts and realising u r not alone or talking to a doctor, i know its scary trust me but there is help out there and lots of ppl who want to help u
Its very hard in life to make people feel the same as we may do about them. Human relationships are impossible really. They are a source of pain to everyone. Think of the mother trying desperately to get on with her teenager. The daughter whos father prefers the more successful sister. The gay guy that cant tell his family or friends. Then theres unrequited love or something like it, which is what you appear to be going through. It can be soul destroying. Whos to say that if a relationship started it would last and that would be another step up on the pain ladder. YOU arent worthless, you just think you are because someone you liked and thought you got on with does not feel the same way romantically and its made you think about other instances of people problems(?) We cant make people like us in that way. Women are different to men when it comes to relationships, who we choose or like is not based on the obvious, most of the time. Dont be so hard on yourself. This situation has happened to many. You cant hinge your self worth on what a potential mate thinks of you. Especially one that has slipped out of an emotional issue so easily, maybe shes not a good enough person for you. Perhaps you need to think like that instead. Good luck.