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I feel betrayed by my husband’s porn consumption. Any advice? (Page 1)

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I have discovered that my husband is still using porn after all these years. He lied about it. I feel betrayed, rejected and suffer from depression.

I have been searching the Internet to find some answers but am now even more confused. On the one hand I am reading posts of women who feel exactly the same as I do but on the other hand some people (usually men) laugh it off as nothing and something all men do?

However, I am one of those many women who find it unacceptable and feel there is no place for pornography in a marital relationship. I have read so many posts of women who are so hurt by their husbands interest in porn so how could it be right?

Is there anyone out there who has worked through this issue that can give me some advice on how to deal with the situation?
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First Helper annie2525
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replied August 1st, 2011
My heart goes out to you. I know exactly what you are going through. I understand your pain, feelings of rejection, self doubt, anxiety and uncertainty. I have been there! You are not alone. There are thousands of women going through exactly the same experience.

It is important to understand that it is not about you! It is not because you are not attractive or sexy enough. I know this is hard to believe, but I assure you it is true. Even if your husband was married to Miss World, he would have done the same thing.

Get professional help as soon as possible. If your husband is not interested then get help for yourself. It is important to talk to someone who will help you to deal with the situation in the best possible way. It is also important to find someone who is professionally trained in this area. I went to a psychologist who specialized in marriage and relationship matters and who is also a clinical sexologist. It is good to talk to close friends you can trust, but although they might be able to comfort and support you they are not professionals and might not know how to advice you correctly.

I would also like to recommend that you google and read the following two (excellent) articles: "Healing Concepts for Women Impacted by Pornography " - By Jill C. Manning, PhD,LMFT and " Whats a woman to do? How pornography affects women and what they can do" -By Geoff Steurer, Director of LifeSTAR of St.George, Utah . A book that also helped me a lot and that provides valuable practical advice for couples is "The Porn Trap " By Wendy Maltz and Larry Maltz.

A difficult part for me to deal with was not to have anyone to talk to before I went for counseling . And even when I did go for counseling there were often times in between sessions that I wanted to write or talk to someone who would listen and understand. You are most welcome to write to me for moral support. You can send me a private message via this forum and I will send you my e-mail address.

It is a long, difficult and lonely road, but there is hope. Believe me there is hope! My husband eventually quit the habit completely, our marriage is restored and we have our intimacy back.

Dont believe those people telling you or posting in forums that it is no big deal and that they are even watching it together with their spouses. Porn eventually destroys people,relationships and marriages.
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Users who thank Hope25 for this post: songbird25 

replied June 12th, 2012
I have noticed that pffftwhybother is indicated as "first helper" at the bottom of my initial post. Do not know how that happened...I have never intended it to be. I do not agree with this person's point of view at all! Thanks Hope25 for the helpful post.
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replied August 1st, 2011
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Hi songbird25 and welcome to ehealth: How old is he?...How many years have you been married?....Take care...

Caroline
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replied August 2nd, 2011
Hi CarolineEF, he is 49 and we have been married for 23 years.

Thanks hope 25 for your post. I have googled those two articles and found them to be very informative and helpfull. Thanks also for the invite to e-mail you - it will be nice expressing my thoughts on the issue to someone who will understand.

I have decided that I will make an appointment to see a professional. I whish my husband would go with me, but he is not interested at all. He feels that I am over reacting. He said he stopped doing it and does'nt want to talk about it anymore.

He obviously doesn't know how much his habit was hurting me. (Maybe he doesn't want to know?) I am not even sure if he is talking the truth this time. The uncertainty is really getting to me. Sometimes I don't even want to get up in the mornings. I just want to stay in bed and sleep all day.
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replied August 2nd, 2011
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Hi songbird....The reason I asked his age and how long you have been married is that he is now well into the age where men start and many do lose their erectile ability...You must consider that maybe he is using this to turn himself on to perform sexually with you...Porn is OK if both parties enjoy it...If my husband wanted to watch it I would be OK with it as long as I was next to him...However, if this is a regular meal ticket for him, then you want to either seek help or speak with him...I believe on something like this a woman must ask herself what do they have that I don't have?...Am I being all that he wants in a woman?...Does he want some Porn out of me to fill the bill?....Ask him sexually what they have that you don't?...

We have been married many years more than you have...Yet, I am as much Porn as he can handle...Maybe this is what has made our marriage so hot...Talk with him...Find out how you can help him be satisfied...Depending upon how deep his habit is will determine what you do...Believe me, I do understand you 100%...Take care...

Caroline
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replied August 4th, 2011
Hi Caroline thanks for your concern. No, he has no erectile problems and he is also not using it (porn) to get turned on for me. It is the other way around. He does not want sex with me once he used porn.

If I understand correctly your husband is not into porn? Lucky you! I have noticed that those of my close friends who's husbands are not into porn are much more appreciated and desired by their husbands and they enjoy healthy, hot sex with them.I can imagine that you do your part a 100% to make sure things work out fine between the two of you, but believe me, something of what you have will be lost if you bring porn into it.

I am always available for sex and I do take care to please my husband sexually .There was a time when I even watched porn with him but he was so focussed on the girls in the scene that I felt like nothing more than a big, warm masturbation tool to him.

I could see clearly what the girls had that I don't have...youth and firmness and a willingnes to do almost everything their 'master" demanded. If I compare myself to them I feel old and very unattractive.

The porn thing didn't work for us and I want it out of our lives for ever.
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replied August 4th, 2011
Hi Songbird, sorry to hear about your pain! My husband has been into porn for many,many years. He has quit eventually and we are now doing better than ever.
I'm not a professional or an expert. I'm only a women who has been there too and understands exactly what you are going through . I want to share a few things that I've learned the hard way and I do hope it will be meaningful and helpful to you.
Women are too accommodating on this issue. We think there might be something wrong with us when we are hurting so much by our husbands porn habits , especially since we live in a pornified culture where so many people believe it's fine. Some of us justify our husbands behaviour with "All guys look at porn" It's better than him having an affair " At least he's not always coming to me to get his needs met". We tell ourselves all these "permission-giving-believes"because we don't want to be seen as a pathological, overreacting , and frigid women who need to lighten up.
So we would rather suffer in silence, or we would talk to our husbands nicely, (or screaming yelling and throwing an emotional tantrum) telling them how much their behaviour hurts us and pleading with them to stop and then believe their promises - just to find out in a few years time they are still lying to us..and the whole process starts all over again.
As long as we don't take a firm stance on this we will keep on enabling our husbands to do porn. In one of the other topics of this forum (Jealous of online porn normal?) one poster (Onelove28)wrote:
..."pornography can be very degrading to your partner (and yes they may even silence that feeling, since society these days says it is normal for men to view porn, and in return women should not have ill feelings because of it). The fact that society says this puts many women's feelings in the background (feelings that happen to be very instinctual to us), and we are just supposed to let males have this overwhelming freedom when it comes to porn, because "o, poor baby needs to get off", HELLO, so do women! So why are our feelings not allowed but a males feelings are while he is masturbating to someone else other than his partner, not sure if you are aware but masturbating IS a form of sex! So would it be okay if a male went and watched a women have sex and did not touch her but masturbated to her? He's not having intercourse with her, by your standards, so why would that be any different than porn?" (You should actually look up this post and read it.)

Anyway, I would like to discuss the following in more detail and share my personal experience but for now I will only mention it briefly:

1) Don't be intimidated by anyone who says it is "nothing" You are entitled to a marital relationship in which both partners are being loved and respected.

2) Masturbating to porn behind your partners back is an act of infidelity.


3) Make it very clear to your husband that it is unacceptable to you that he masturbates to the images of other women or to porn scenes.. Try and convince him to go for counseling with you. If he promise you he will stop he will have to proof it to you..since he broke the trust, he's responsible to heal it. If he is serious about winning your trust again, he will take steps to earn it by keeping his word and by letting you have access to his computers and cell phones at any time and by not erasing the history..or to install a monitoring programme

4) Make sure your husband gets a true and real understanding of what his porn habit is doing to him as an individual, to you as his partner, and to the relationship. (will give you some more info on this in a follow-up post)

5) Educate yourself on the effects of pornography and how to deal with it. The articles and book mentioned in the post of Hope25 above are good stuff. Read it! It will be great if your husband also reads "The Porn Trap"

6) Since you will be doing all this reading, things will get worse for you before it gets better! It is important to do the reading because it also gives you hope. Once you've done your reading don't go back there too often..it might upset you all over again. Especially posts in forums from people being heartless and judgmental.

7) Look after yourself. Eat right, do exercises, get enough sleep. You need your strength!

Cool Make sure you look your best. ALWAYS. Try and get to your ideal (healthy!) weight. Dress nicely..FEEL good about yourself. It is good for your self-esteem.

9) Don't compare yourself to those girls. They are soooo not real! They are young (some only 16) and digitally enhanced to look like goddesses! Don�t envy them! They hate what they are doing. Most of them are drug abusers and keep doing what they do because of drugs. The majority of them are suffering from sex diseases and no man would want to touch them!

10) Don't watch porn with your husband. You are only going to enable him to lust over other women , with you being quite handy right next to him! And while on this point I want to mention that when I pointed out to my husband that those girls are only faking it and that they don't really enjoy it, he wouldn't believe me! He then said hopefully "but at least some of them are enjoying it?". But I was firm on this one! None of those girls are enjoying it! Porn is such a big, BIG lie! This information served as a great putt-off to my husband especially when he actually realized that he was masturbating to something that caused those women on screen a lot of physical pain!(Most of them have to take pain pills before a shoot or they take drugs to be able to perform) I also told him that it's clear that those movies were directed by men because it was so full of so many things that put women off!

11) Talk to someone you can trust. This is really important. I've waited for too long before I made an appointment with a professional.

12) Work on your relationship with your husband, Sexually as well as for the rest. Remind yourself why he fell in love with you in the first place. Spend more time together. Create special, private intimate times..such as bathing together.(with candle light)

13) Lastly, but definitely not the least. . Do find time for spiritual grounding. It provided feelings of peace, hope and reassurance in the face of so much uncertainty. Meditation, prayer and seeking comfort and counsel from scriptures allowed me access to power and strength beyond my own.
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Users who thank kinna for this post: songbird25 

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replied August 4th, 2011
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Hi again Songbird...

IMO, when a man is truly into Porn he doesn't need his wife...He has himself...He alone can become his own greatest lover...He finds that with the sweet young thing in front of him and showing her wares that this is all the foreplay that he needs...Thus, masturbating becomes his orgasm...Quick, easy and no need to satisfy a woman's wants...If perhaps, he wants the real thing, she usually will not get any pleasing...Just often like a "wam, bam, thank you mam"..type of response with a woman left laying there wondering what a true orgasm is...IMO, Porn has ruined many marriages and relationships...Yet, at the same time has helped a woman who needs help letting herself go, find that special part of herself that she cannot find...I've seen it....I've watched it...and I or we don't need it...I find it a degrading act of "working" that a woman does to do her thing...She is a puppet and not in lust...I feel sorry for her...and No, my husband and I are not into Porn...

You are completely right in not watching Porn with him... He has a problem that must be corrected or your marriage could be in jeopardy..Unfortunately, some women do not care if their partners watch Porn...I read where one wrote that she would gladly build a cubicle around her husband's computer so he could love himself all day rather than having him bothering her...So it can go either way.......

Looking at the girls on the Porn movie I can clearly see what they have that I don't have...That being youth...That is all....However, I, like you have the experience and the know how of years of making love and someone who loves us...Your problem being to set his eyes straight and come back home to his lover who awaits him...I wonder if any men realize that the older a woman gets the hotter and more receptive to love that they are...Their orgasms can knock their socks off and for many, it's the best years of their lives....Instead many sit in front of a computer and masturbate and think that "that's all there is".....

As far as getting the Porn thing out of your life, this it must be...It has never been in our life and sexually my husband is still the man that I married years ago...I just adore him...

When a man loves you, he will change...Always remember that you are still the same beautiful woman that he married...Don't try to change your looks or your style, be yourself...This is something I have never done...nor would ever do...Age means nothing....It's the person inside that counts....

From what you have said, I think you will do great...Stand tall...Don't bend...You are right...I send you all my love my best wishes for a happy ending....Take care.....

Caroline
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replied August 8th, 2011
Hi girls! Thanks for your posts and support.

My husband had a few days leave and we booked in at a beautiful holiday resort in the mountains. It was so relaxing being with my husband all the time - not only because it was nice spending some time together but also because I knew he couldn't look at porn without me knowing..so I had nothing to worry about and we really enjoyed our stay there.

However, Saturday night we went to a nice restaurant and there were a few young, sexy girls at a table nearby, and I became so upset with my husband staring at them when he thought I wasn't looking!

Those girls reminded me of the girls my husband masturbated to in the porn movies. So I became so miserable and so aware of myself not being young and firm anymore.

My husband kept on asking me what was wrong and when I eventually told him what bothered me he got angry and we had such a huge argument. He told me I should stop acting so childish and that I was paranoid for nothing and just jealous and asked if I wanted to blind fold him the next time we go out.

I must be honest, I've neglected myself lately and couldn't really care how I look ..he wouldn't notice anyway and besides, I will never look like those girls. He did make a remark the other day about the fact that I've gained quite a bit of weight but I could'nt care less. What difference would it make if I shed a few kilos - I will never look beautiful to him.

I know I sound pathetic but it is really very depressing to know he doesn't find me attractive.
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replied August 8th, 2011
A man's age and how long he's been married has nothing to do with him watching porn.
Men and Women,Single and Married can get tempted by watching others have sex.
Millions more watch it and never admit to it. It doesn't mean that person is looking to cheat. People have cheated before porn was around. Men and Women used to read dirty magazines.
I'm a very secure person and could care less if my girlfriend watches it.
I know many married couples that do watch it alot and have a loving relationship. I watch it once in a while.
Hey..Get upset if he's cheating,seeing a prostitute or tipping strippers. Now that's worse. A little online sex is nothing.
Don't end a long marriage over sex online. I know I would never get that mad. Just my take.
Most people that get upset either are mad they don't look as good as the younger females in the movies or they have underlying issues. It's normal to feel mad. But it's even more normal to like sex. Just don't give him the Elaine Bobbitt treatment.
You'll be ok.
He's gonna watch porn even if he has to hide it. Men are Men. It's just sex. It's not like he's peeping through windows watching it. Maybe he will if you take the computer away.
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replied August 9th, 2011
If a "little online sex is nothing" then why can't a person stop doing it if his behaviour is hurting the one he loves?

From a technical point of view, masturbating to pornography behind your spouse's back, could be seen as an act of infidelity. Two sexual acts are involved in hard-core pornography - the on-camera copulation, and the masturbation it enables. These two sexual acts are interdependent: neither would happen without the other. It is not just a matter of fantasizing about a centerfold - "the thing about a centerfold is her unattainability, but with hard-core porn, it's precisely the reverse: the star isn't just attainable, she's already being attained, and the user gets to be in on the action. "(Douthat)

However, whether being proved to be an act of infidelity or not, on an emotional level most women do perceive it as being exactly that...an act of adultery. The thought of your partner lusting and masturbating to various images of naked women and sex scenes in porn movies, (whilst imagining himself having sex with the women in the picture or scene) is very unpleasant and hurtful to most women in a romantic or intimate relationship, and most certainly creates feelings of rejection and betrayal.

No matter how hard men who are porn consumers try to justify their actions as being "normal" and that "all men are doing it"..and no matter how many times hurting wives and romantic partners are being told that "it's nothing" and that they should adjust to the situation and accept it and get over it - If a women deeply cares for her guy and loves him with all her heart, his porn consumption HURTS!

Most porn users seem to be unable to (or don't want to) grasp the emotional hurt and turmoil they are causing their partners with this narcissistic and selfish habit. Dr Jill C. Manning comments as follows in an article on the effects of porn on marriages:

"As a marriage and family therapist who works with women directly impacted by pornography, I am continually struck by the profound damage it causes. Although downplayed and dismissed by many, pornography consumption by a spouse is devastating and should not be underestimated in terms of the far-reaching consequences it has on trust, intimacy, family life, children, finances, the marital friendship, and, in a growing number of cases, the existence of the marriage itself. Aside from abuse, I know of no other marital issue that affects the very soul of women more than pornography consumption by a spouse. Too often, the discovery or disclosure of a pornography problem in marriage causes women to slip into unhealthy comparisons; to engage in inappropriate behavior themselves; or to spiral downward into depression, self-doubt, and in some cases, even suicidal thinking. These responses, although unhelpful, are understandable when the magnitude of damage, betrayal, and hurt are understood. Pornography, by nature and name, diminishes virtue, love, creativity, healthy sexuality, personal and relational growth, and honesty."

I guess you are right - there are couples watching it together or one of the partners watching it on his/her own and the other one turning a blind eye. It's their choice. Unfortunately, in the long run, it often turns out not being such a good idea and eventually causes problems in the relationship. Couples and individuals might find they can't get aroused by their partners anymore unless watching porn or at least recall some of the scenes they have been watching previously.

In Songbird's case, porn is not working for her and if her husband loves her he should quit doing it (especially behind her back) and help her re-gaining her self confidence and he should co-operate with her and aim at rebuilding trust and true intimacy in their relationship.

Honesty and open communication is the key.
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Users who thank annie2525 for this post: songbird25 

replied August 21st, 2011
Thank god I am not the only one who has an issue with porn! Smile
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replied August 8th, 2011
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Hi songbird25....If you need to lose some weight, than do it...Only do it for you and not for what you are hoping from him...Often a person will feel more self confident in themselves by doing this....I hope all goes well and we are always here...Take care...

Caroline
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replied August 9th, 2011
I've read all the replies to your question and I'm still sticking to my answer.
Don't listen to some of the advice in here at all. If it was up to these people in here they'd make their spouse wear blinders. Use your instincts with this problem.
Don't go crazy yet about it.
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replied August 10th, 2011
Thank you Hope,Annie,Caroline and Kinna for your valuable inputs. You don't know how much your support means to me.

The last thing I want to hear right now is to ignore my hurt and pain as if I'm the one who's having a problem and that I should just accept my husbands behaviour, since it's "nothing" and something "all men do"!

For almost 23 years I've been trying to accomodate this "nothingness" of my husband and it only became one big monster! He doesn't need me sexually anymore. We have no real intimacy. We've been driven appart by his lies and secrets. I suffer from depression and self-doubt. (I'm a little over weight now, but people always told me how attractive and sexy I am. However, he never appreciated me in that way and I know it is because of all the porn and immages of "those girls" he has been feeding upon all these years!)

Looking back I realize now that I was actually anabeling him by not taking a firmer stance. I can't take it anymore. I told him so and he assured me that he has quit for good this time. But since he doesn't want to discuss things with me and since I don't have any proof that he is talking the truth, the uncertainty is killing me. It is killing me because I hate the thought of getting yet another surprise in ten years time.I want to be certain about things this time and he's the only one that can help me with that.

It has nothing to do with making my husband to "wear blinders" (and I also didn't get the impression that the other ladies were implying that) I simply want my husband to stop masturbating to porn behind my back! How unfair could that be of me?

My instincs are telling me to either move on or to give our marriage one more final try. If it's going to be the second option, it implies that I will need my husband's full commitment and co-operation. I am not going to go it alone this time. I am there for him, I want him to be there for me too!
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replied August 10th, 2011
You really think he just started watching porn after all the years you've been together? You're the one that needs to wake up to reality. Every man looks at naked women.
Most wives think their husband doesn't but they all do.
More and more women married and single watch porn. Beofre the net, men used to look at magazines and go to strip clubs without wives knowing. Maybe you don't turn him on sexually anymore if he just started doing this.
I'm not going to tell you what you want to hear. I tell the facts.
If any of you women think you're husband never looks at porn at all. You're sadly mistaken. Men have been looking at naked women for hundreds of years. Just go with it or leave then. Don't cry about it. I remember when this forum was for serious issues like health related and not wives crying about their husband looking at a dirty movie. Give me a break.
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replied August 10th, 2011
I thought this was a "WOMEN'S Chat Forum" What are you doing here? And since when is depression not a health issue?!

You obviously did'nt read through the posts properly. We are discussing 'masturbation to porn', not 'peeping at naked women on the net now and then!'

You have no idea what this is all about. You are clearly only interested in promoting porn and in justifying your own pathetic habit!

Do you honestly believe that all men are into porn? What would your next generalization be - that all women are prostitutes?

Give me a break!
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replied October 10th, 2011
ignorance!
Hey buddy,

Ya know what? If more women DID just leave their husbands for this kind of stupidity then NONE of you would have anything in your lives but these fake disease ridden skanks on the net and a set of blow up dolls for company!

Maybe YOU (all men) are the ones who need the wake up calls!
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replied August 10th, 2011
I see women in the men's forum all the time and this was under deprerssion. This lady needs help and not for you to be bothering me.
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replied August 11th, 2011
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sjmct197140 wrote:
I see women in the men's forum all the time and this was under deprerssion. This lady needs help and not for you to be bothering me.


This is only listed under Women's Chat...Not Depression...

CarolineEF
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replied August 11th, 2011
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Hi songbird26 and I agree with you...Either he quits or move on...I know that I could not deal with what you are going through...Oh, and there will be no more interferance and negative words from the other poster...This is indeed a Woman's Chat that does allow positive words from some men, but when it gets out of hand and simply trying to provoke, it must end...

From what you have said I don't know if he will ever change...A marriage must be love, caring and wanting each other...He seems to want what is in the back of his mind....That being an illusion...An illusion of youth and sex that is off the boards and sad as it may seem, it has become a disease in our population...

Please understand that we are all here for your help...There will be no more negative words spoken....I send you my best wishes...Take care...

Caroline
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replied August 17th, 2011
Hi Songbird,

How it made you feel when you saw your husband staring at the youngsters in the restaurant is only normal. (Some women even get upset about it without having a husband who was/is into porn!) You don't want to be reminded about the hurt and pain his behaviour caused you. One women wrote that even pictures of women in underware ads used to upset her, as it was reminding her of her husbands porn habit!

What I've learned from my own experience and other resources, is that when a woman discoveres her husband is into porn, a lot of things change. Reality suddenly shifts. Everything , the way she thinks about her partner, herself, and the relationship can change in an instant.

One woman recalled her experience when she realizes her husband had an issue with porn as follows: " It took me by complete surprise," she says, "I didn't have any clue that it was even an issue.But after the shock came the hurt. There was definitely a death of all that I thought was real.Everything that we had had prior to that felt artificial, ¦that I was believing a lie, that I didn't know him, and I didn't know who he really was, and the way he felt about me was a big lie." ( Source: Somebody's Daughter: A journey to Freedom from Pornography)

Unfortunately, the discovery of your husbands porn consumption, also influence the way you perceive yourself and your own sexuality. Even a confident woman might start doubting herself and it is very common for women to feel physically and sexually inferior to the women in porn.

Onother woman wrote: "I feel ugly and fat and inadequate next to all those young, slim, overtly sexual women and girls. I worry that my husband is constantly comparing me to them and that I don't measure up to the porn - queen standard. Those women don't require any emotional involvement or communication or anything. They look perfect and they'll do anything he wants. I feel that I'm not enough, my body's not enough, and I will never be enough" (Source: The Porn Trap)

I can't tell you how many times I've tortured myself with those exact feelings and thoughts!

The problem is, no matter how good looking you are, if your husband is into porn, he will eventually becomes desensitized towards you.

"According to a study published in the Journal of Applied Social Psychology, after only a few prolonged exposures to pornographic videos, men and women alike reported less sexual satisfaction with their intimate partners, including their partners' affection, physical appearance, and sexual performance. Another study that appeared in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy found similar results. When men and women were exposed to pictures of female centerfold models from Playboy and Penthouse, this significantly lowered their judgments about the attractiveness of "average" people."(Source: Straight talk to Husbands who Watch Porn. /Covenant Eyes)

We simply can't compete with fantasy! "Even the tabloids show us that the so-called picture perfect women can't possibly compete with fantasy. Why would Tiger Woods cheat on his swimsuit-model-wife Elin Nordegren? Why would Peter Cook spend $3,000 on Internet porn when he could come home to Christie Brinkley? Why would Charlie Sheen be drawn to a digital harem, being married to Denise Richards?"

Unfortunately many of us feel so helpless about the situation that we give up on our looks and stop working out and gain weight because " he doesn't notice me anyway " Others go to the other extreme and starve themselves and have breast implants and lip fillers and try to look like someone different from themselves! The sooner we realize and accept that we don't look like those digitally enhanced porn stars..(they themselves don't even look like that when they are off stage in their casuals and without make-up and all the special effects) and that we should stop comparing ourselves in such an unhealthy and unrealistic way to them, the better for us.

We all have our own unique beauty and strong points and should make the best of what we have. It is so easy to let yourself go when you are down and depressed. It happened to me and it wasn't a nice place to be! Be good to youself. Exercise and work out regularly, follow a healthy, balanced diet with lots of fruit, veggies and water. Make sure you get enough sleep. Shed those extra kilo's and add a few exciting new items to your wardrobe if you can affort it. It is such a boost to your bruised self-esteem when compliments start coming in from your friends and family!

Be there for yourself - You deserve the best! Take care!
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Users who thank kinna for this post: songbird25 

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replied August 17th, 2011
I don't think you should let it get to you so much. If he was out at all hours of the night and not wanting a sexual relationship with you, than of course, be worried. But he is home, he sleeps with you. Porn is nothing to worry about and I don't understand why women get so jealous about it. Open up your mind and relax a bit. How about you sit with him and watch some porn together? You might actually enjoy it. And trust me, he will be so turned on by your interest. You might even find the sex after will be all to your benefit. Lifes to short to be worrying about it. Smile
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replied August 18th, 2011
It's not simply about "being jealous". It is much more complicated than that! Porn is not innocent. Many women convince themselves it's "nothing" because they don't know how to deal with the situation and surely don't understand the impact and effect of porn on the consumer, their partners and the marital relationship.

Our pornified culture has a lot to do with the fact that women often ignore their own feelings of distress and tell themselves to "lighten up" and that "boys will be boys"

(Maybe you should read some of the articles and books recommended by the posters above)

Many women also don't realize exactly just how much their husbands are into porn. How would you feel for instance if your husband told you he masturbates to porn every day, or that he thinks of porn scenes and imagines himself having sex with one of his favourite porn stars every time he "makes love " to you?

Do you actually feel that your husband is connected to you when he makes love to you?

I'm just asking because I've experienced a vast difference in our lovemaking (and relationship) from the time when my husband was into porn and since the time he has quit.

Don't wake up when it is too late!
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