I dont want to be angry or depressed anymore

I'I'm a 23 year old male, I hate myself and the world, I don't like feeling this way at all. I don't want to be a typical case of being a cry baby, but I feel like I'm at witts end. I have a very disfunctional family, who turned their backs on me. They where emotional, verbally, and physicly abusive to me and my siblings. For 23 years I've been sufering with feeling alone, unsure of myself, hating myself physicly and emotionaly, why I don't matter, abandonement, I see people in public with these great lives and both parents and I hate them but it makes me hate myself more. My mind is constantly going from one hateful thing t another and from angry to sad to frustrated. I can't take it anymore. I knowi need help and a therapist. But I've tried and its not enough I just wat to eel content with myself and my life, and just let go of the hate and pain. Start living normal for once. Maybe get some closure. How do I do that? What should I do?