How can you save what isn't there?....When you settle down with a man it must be because you lust for him.....He brings you alive.....He is your reason for living and your fear of dying.....All these things must be there....If they aren't, how can you find happiness that you don't know?...

This is not your bi-polar or your mood swing...You are thinking sensible...Get yourself together and take that giant step...You are just a child growing out of your first romance....Don't be afraid....Honey, you have only just begun....

Much love,
Caroline

yes I agree with CarolineEF,

don't smother your self... it'll only build up and up, and then it'll all explode. Do something, while you still can.. your young and a beautiful person,you have a life to live and be happy, and so does your partner..

hope it goes well for you...

Mekila: When I read your post I did so pretty fast...Only rereading (I made up the word) it now, do I realize that you are married....This pretty much changes some things that I have said, yet on the other hand, it doesn't....Maybe just the way I now will rephrase it....First, if you are around someone and your behavior gets so violent that you lash out at them, you should not be there....That is bad....You need help in anger management....Nobody should or has the right to hit someone....

You moved in with him way too early....In many ways you are still a child trying to grow into an adult....Unfortunately, we all think we are a woman at this age and truly don't realize it for years....Then we look back and say "lord, we were just a child"...Your summation of you stay together because you are dependent on each other, pretty much hits the nail on the head....You were a lost teenager and found another one just like you....Now it is up to you to either go back to your yesterday and find out what it was about your husband that you loved or prepare for the next step in your life......If you loved him passionately then, where did you go wrong? If, however, you were just in the learning throes of passion and took a giant step into marriage before either of you were grown up enough to do this, then climb that hill of regret....Many have and many will in the years to come...It is a rough climb but when you come back down, you are again single and find it is time to start over....I would suggest if you go this way to not go looking for another lover until you find yourself....Do your thing by yourself and live and grow...Find out what you want to do with your life so that you do not make this big mistake again....It isn't fair to you and it isn't fair to him....

When love is right, you never have a question in your mind.....You love your partner/husband so much that it hurts...Sure you have some bad days, but they are followed by good ones....With this same thought in mind, if you both have tried and it is not good, you just can't change what you can't change.....

I hope you find peace...
Caroline

Knowing someone for a few months is a lot different than knowing them for two years. Sometimes we find out that we can't get a long, or it just feels like a burden to continue with the person. When the little things start becoming so annoying, it can be an indicator of how things have changed and the fulfillment that was once there is gone.

I'm not giving you advice about whether to leave. If you're very unhappy, I think you have your answer. Maybe the hurt he caused you is too much to overcome, in relation to having him there all the time as a reminder. Some things go very deep, and there just not going to be forgotten totally.

My most important advice is this. You need to ensure that you can take care of yourself first. If you decided to leave, I think you need a job first so you can be independent. I would worry that leaving without having a source of income could really put you in a bind. It would be great if you could through these feelings with a therapist, but I'm assuming you don't have health insurance.

Whatever you decide, best of luck to you.

Your problms seem to stem from the fact that you can not forgive him for something in the past and you do not acept him for what he is.

You are right-you are afraid to be on your own because you do not know how to do it...that maybe because you haven't figured out yet what you want from life and who you are.

I do not agree with the view that "when you settle down with a man it must be because you lust for him.....He brings you alive.....He is your reason for living and your fear of dying.....All these things must be there".The happiness is inside us and if you place your happiness on a man or somebody outside there,once you are not with him any more,you will see no point in life.

Explore yourself first.Write out all the and - things in your relationship and most of all you have to work with the forgiveness issue,otherwise you will not find peace.

If you want to talk about it,send a message to me.

hello my name is joel i've been with my gf for about 3 years now and i know what you mean by the things your partner says annoys you when you use to find it cute, i had the same thing, i went through what your going through all i had to do is put the spark back in the relationship, there are various wats to do this but it can be difficult some people do just grow apert rarther than together but you need to know what you want otherwise you may end up making a big mistake, you could go on a break try and spend some time apart sometimes a little space does the world of good if you want to talk more write me i'm always willing to help if there s someone in need take care and all the best x

I think before you jump out of this relationship you should sit down and think hard. Think about all the reasons you fell in love with this man, all of the reasons you married him and pledged to stay with him until death. Then if you still can't think of why you are with him talk to him ... I mean really talk to him. Tell you everything ... what you use to love, now what you hate. Talk about the rut you have become so use to. It sounds like you need some change ... not exactly away from him, but maybe a holiday or something. (Together).

Here is a man's perspective...

First you need to become self sufficient. Be thankful that he is giving you a place to live, I assume you don't pay rent or for your food. So get a job, and setup a budget, ASSUME you are paying rent, whatever it is that would be reasonable in your location. Take that rent money and stash it, you'll need it when you move out (damage deposit first months rent, car payments, etc). Since you have never lived on your own first you need to figure out what it will cost you when he isn't looking after you, ie: food, rent, heat, electricity, water, telephone, cable, car, insurance, etc, do not overlook anything, do your homework.

Once you are in a position where you are financially able to support yourself then re-assess your relationship with him. In the mean time you need to SUCK IT UP, treat him as you would a landlord who you respect, continue on with everything else in the relationship to keep up appearances.

Once you can support yourself financially listen to all the great emotional and life advice the women have given you here.

That is really good advise.

Also it sounds like you are no longer in love with him. You are only 20 years old if you don't love him get out whilst you can ... start looking for work and a job asap. You don't want to stay in that mess! I am only 22 years old but I also stayed in a relationship when I no longer had feelings for him. Now its almost 5 years on we have a beautiful child but I cannot stand him. All the things I thought would change after a child just got worse! He is even more of a player now flirting with every girl that passes him and yet so controlling over me .. When I go out I do get a fair amount of attention from men and he goes nuts. It drives me crazy .. Its like I cannot leave him as we have a kid so I am always going to have to stick with him but he drives me mad. You can still get out of it .. a cat is not a child. End it now whilst you can before children become involved. I wish I left him ... but I stupidly took him back and now I have basically no life. I'm a paramedic so I have a busy work life but whenever I try to go out alone he happen's to already be there. Men like these are bad for us. You can still leave yours. If you don't love him find someone else that you do!

This kind of attitude takes place because you allow it to...

If you respect yourself, you will not let others treat you that way...they will not by themselves in the first place. When you look at the person you know how he/she treats himself.

First of all, you have to get out of your inner "ideal" world-IT WILL NOT GET BETTER,IT WILL ONLY GET WORSE.You can't change anybody but yourself.

Start a new life again but before that figure out how to support yourself.Yes, it is hard, but it is possible.In the end,you will be glad that you left him but have the courage to say no when he gets back to you later on.