I'm sorry to break it to ya..but yeah, you have an eating disorder. Just because you don't fit the exact description of either, does not mean you don't have them.
Most people who are bulimic will get overwhelmed by it at certain points in their life and will want to make a change, they may think, if I don't eat ever, then I may lose more weight. So then they will do just that, go several days without eating anything at all. That is what I am doing right now.
However, I would still consider myself to have bulimia. A lot of the time, when someone is anorexic, they wont eat and throw up, they just don't eat, or will barely eat anything at all.
I am not positive, but I have heard several people who do suffer from anorexia say they do not ever purge because they cannot force themselves to do that or they find it gross, something about the thought of making oneself throw up the food they had eaten turns them off.
However, it is very common for people who have eating disorders, to juggle back and forth between the two.
I am really sorry to hear that you have gotten to this point. I know how it feels to eat and to get the feeling of complete failure as a person afterwards...I have been very down in the gutter before over it, but you really feel so bad that you have to cause yourself pain? I mean i feel as if I should sometimes after I have eaten, but have never done that...
Does it just make you feel better to know you made yourself suffer for eating?
I am just so sorry to hear that, I wish there was something I could do to help.
Also, just because you look healthy, does not mean you are... I mean I'm sure your insides are not in the best condition..but join the club. =P Mine are probably a lot worse.
But, a lot of times, people diagnosed with bulimia don't look like they have an eating problem. They may look normal size or maybe thin, but healthy, really to an out side person they would not know the difference.
Anorexia is a different story. However, someone who is extremely thin from anorexia has been anorexic for quite some time.
Now even though your body may give out on you, aka what happened to you, from not eating....your outer appearance is not going to change drastically in a week or two. You will probably be able to tell a difference, because when you look in the mirror at yourself you probably feel skinner just by knowing you have no eaten.
Anyways, I hope this answered your questions. I hope you take it easy on yourself... you have to be realistic when it comes to these things, even though they should not seem realistic at all and people who don't suffer from eating disorders sure don't think it is...but you do not want to end up in the hospital again..
And please, don't cut. That is not going to make you any skinnier...right? So why cause yourself that type of pain..? And anyways, you don't want scars all over your arms right? =) Sorry I am just trying to lighten the mood of something that is sad...
If you have any questions let me know! I am here for ya in any way you need me =)