I don't like the things that I've done. I used to be such a nice person. I used to be so happy and up for anything. I used to have so much energy. But that changed dramatically 7 years ago and nothing has been the same ever since. Why I changed is too long of a story, but it was unnecessary and I feel like I hurt the people that meant the most to me because of it... including myself. I'm so caught up in this different person that I have for some reason created that it seems like it's impossible to get out of. I think I really do know deep down that I can be ME again, but find the process to be far too painful and because I'm afraid of making awful mistakes again over my negligence. For the past 7 years I've been someone else and people believe that this is me. I want so badly for them to know who I really am, but in fear that they might see how crazy I really am. I feel like I've been a horrible person, and since I've acted like this I start to believe that I am a horrible person. This makes me feel so sad and alone that at times I find myself holding back tears in public. I lost some very important people who were very close to my heart... I wish I knew then what I know now. I wish that I didn't have to be so afraid and naive. I wake up in panics over this it seems like my heart is always pounding in my chest. I can't make it stop! I want this all to stop I can't handle it anymore! I'm sick of living my life like this. I'm only 24 yet I have heart problems that are probably due to this anxiety. But I feel like if I don't fix my problems then I'm going to keep making the same mistakes and get hurt over and over. So I have to figure out what is going on in my head but I just get so confused. Is there anyone with advice? I don't have anyone to talk to about this.
The key start is talking or at least having some outlet for your thoughts and that post may have been the start you needed
You're young, you want to make things better and you need to believe that you can - of course you can. You changed once and you can do it again
'I really do know deep down that I can be ME again, but find the process to be far too painful' What do you mean exactly by the process please? surely a little pain is worth enduring to get your life back on track
'they might see how crazy I really am' you don't sound crazy by your post it seems you're in a rut and need a little help obviously I don't know the specifics but you need to talk to someone and do it soon
I did find your post a little worrying - just remember there are so many ways to get help you just need to get started
when I was in my 20's, the same thing happen to me. I'm now 55, now. I Felt that I couldn't be the person, i wanted to be inside. Nothing help, until I study the bible. the Princible worked so well, that while I raise my 3 daughters, they didn't repeat my life. They too use the same principles. But you have to learn you Bible, and you need someone to help you. There is alot of false things taught about the bible and can leave you confused. So you need to learn the truth that the bible teach and you will be the person you want to be. Find the Book "What does the Bible Really Teach" I will check back here if you need any help. Best Wished Kat