It's funny how you know that what you're doing is stupid and makes no sense and yet you do it anyway...I met a girl through myspace a bit over two years ago, and it was what some more-than-faithful people would call "love at first sight". We had everything in common. Soon enough, I found myself thinking about her as more than just a friend. For a 13 year old girl that had been severely depressed for quite some time, turning bisexual wasn't exactly a good addition to the lot. We ended up "going out" for the first time, and the relationship was great up to the extent where we both thought we were truly in love with each other. We talked every day, we had what we called Cheesy Time, and we weren't dating anybody else in our own states. Then some guy she liked asked her out, and, well. Online relationships are hardly even real, so I went out the window with a couple of insults from her and the promise of never talking to her again. She broke up with him, I spent a whole summer crying over her, and then we got back together. We would always date a month, or a month and a half max. When we broke up that time, she and her friend left me voice mails saying that I should kill myself. That I wasn't worth anything. We sued them for being abusive and racist, but y'all know how those things go. A private investigator ended up taking my computers and my phone, but did nothing to them. After a couple of months without talking to her, we started going out yet again. Outcome: having her break up with me on Valentine's day. We didn't talk for almost four months, until she decided that she did want to talk to me. All this time...I would always tell her that I loved her. That I would do anything for her. That I wanted to marry her, and be with her forever. Stupid, I know. You're basically keeling over one girl that you have never even touched or talked to physically. We were alright for a while. And then yesterday (Valentine's day again, maybe she plans it?) she told me that she didn't want to talk to me anymore. Again. I ended up telling her that we would just stop talking to each other so much, and she agreed, but she said that she never loved me, and that she wouldn't even consider dating me again. I've spent more than two years "loving" this girl. All I feel now is pain. I have random crying outbursts, I started thinking about cutting myself again, I'm having trouble breathing. And she doesn't even care, and it's not like I can tell her. It'll just push her away.
Sorry for making that so long, I just needed to get it out and there's no one around that really listens to what I say. They're just waiting for their turn to speak. So...I don't know what to do. I feel like I can't live without her. I'm going through different problems right now, from school to legal problems, to family problems...I can hardly think anymore. I'm constantly stressed out, my grades are going down, I've given into bulimia and anorexia, and I'm just never good enough for anything. I don't even want to live anymore. I need help. And I'm not getting it from anywhere.
This may not seem like good advice, and I have a lot of trouble with it sometimes, but there are times that you have to be selfish. This is one of those times. Pick a few things you like or enjoy or make you feel better, and do them. It can be playing a silly time-killer game, writing down a list of all the things you hate and throwing the list away, find a good movie or book, anything. Do it just for you.
Once that is done, make a plan of action. Take a step back and look at what is going on as if you were looking at it from the outside. What do you need to do first? School is important and has a time limit to it. It might also be a good idea to get some of those little trail mix things or something like the drink Ensure to make it so you get the stuff your body needs to function. Small steps.
Please try to follow all Ony`s advice. That is the approach, that works!
She`s likely being manipulated in her hateful responses by a jealous and twisted third party, by whom she`s been changed.
You cannot trust her love, sadly, but you have only to survive this with your health, time as your healer, to begin your life anew.
You`ve been through the worst experience imaginable, you`ve done your share of suffering for the whole of life, for nothing are you to blame, be strong (gradually) for both happiness and love are due you, and they inevitably will come.
I`ve suffered like you, but not quite because this is your suffering, our capacity for absolute love can near destroy us, very few are this special, and deserve to be loved as we do, I know how hard, or at least, I think that I do(?) but the world is so needy of those such as us, people just like us, that love like us, and it suffers like we do, they are waiting, we have but to find them, when we`re better from this, and then them us too.
Speak with us often, and let us know how you do.
For your friends and your family, and for me, but most especially for you, love yourself, and please, pretty please, be stronger than you are now, and get well very soon!
my advice would be to formalise the brake in your realtionship and even if she dose try to restart it politly turn her down, the difficultys and diffences mean that it would be ditincly unhelpful for you to contine or restart it. you will envetably go throgh a greving period this is normal and hethy.
i would strongly advise you to see a councler, if you are still in education you may be able to accses it throgh student support, otherwise you may be able to acces councling throgh your GP. if you are strugaling with eating disorders aswell your GP should be able to refer you to specalist counclers and support seveces. you may also fing it helpful to contact eating disorder support groups.
feel free to message me, i am happy to be a nonjudmental connfedenchal ear if nothing elce, but realy you need a trained councler to help you throgh this time.