I had an abortion 2 years ago. At the time, I was in my early 20's. I was with my boyfriend for about a year at that point, but learning that he was very immature and not who I could envision the rest of my life with. He did not treat me well, and drank excessively. I had a full time job at the time but living paycheck to paycheck, and was emotionally not ready to even think about having a child. So painfully, I decided to have an abortion at 4 weeks into the pregnancy. It was so hard for me to decide that. I didn't tell any family because their views on abortion aren't good, and I was embarrassed to tell them because it was hard for me to even talk about. I was too immature at the time. I didn't think they would approve of my decisions either way because of their religious beliefs. My boyfriend wanted me to keep it, and he brought it up when we got into arguments which was so painful.
Its 2 years later now, I have been with the same guy on and off. We broke up for about 6 months, and he came back to me saying that he had changed. He has grown up somewhat I believe, he does act like a different person when he drinks and we still don't communicate well. I try so hard to communicate with him, I always wear my heart on my sleeve and want him to know how much I love him, but it just never seems right with him. I have a gut feeling that things won't work with us and we aren't right for eachother. Despite that, I am a fighter and try so hard to make things right with him because I do care...but I feel that I am trying to fix him and make him a better person because thats how I am. He says he loves me and wants to be with me, but he acts selfishly at times and I see that his actions speak louder than words.
I got laid off this year, and we started using condoms and other protection that was cheaper than birth control because I could not afford it, and he does not make enough money to support me in that way either. Since then, we have been so careful but I just found out that I am pregnant..abut 2 weeks now. I have been sitting here crying about having an abortion but so scared to even think about having a child. I told my 2 close friends. They are both supportive either way... but financially I am not sure if I can even provide for this child as well. My boyfriend is now my ex boyfriend... but when we found out about the pregnancy, he has been trying to make things better because he wants me to keep it. I am going back to school too full time right now to finish my degree at the time, and I cannot find a job... I am scared for my future, and extremely unsure of how I would be able to bring a baby into this world. I would love nothing more to have children and a family one day, but I dont want to be a single mother or a mother in an unhealthy on and off relationship... I grew up in a home where my parents were horrible together, fought constantly and divorced when I was 20. It has had such an effect on my life and my views on relationships and men. I think that my mother would be supportive of this child, but my father wouldn't... not that that would be how I based my decision, but it doesn't make it easier.
I am also concerned about my life going forward...how am I going to continue my education with a baby?
I really did not want to become pregnant... we were so careful but not careful enough apparently. I am also nervous about things not working out with my ex and then having a lifetime of dealing with the decision of leaving him..because I know after having a child he will not leave me. His mother is also very strong minded and not easy to get along with...she would be a nightmare in this situation if things didn't work out with us and i kept the baby. i'm so scared... I don't want to go through with another abortion but I feel that I have no choice...Everytime I think about having the baby I cry and am so scared...and everytime I see a piecture of a beautiful baby on tv my heart melts and I start feeling guilty at the thought of getting rid of it.
Anyone who has gone through something similar like this, I would appreciate your advice...because I truly do not think you can give advice unless you have experienced something similiar. thank you so much.
I have not experienced something similar, but have wondered what I would do in a situation like this. I am pro-choice, and I feel strongly that a woman has the right to choose if she wants to bring a child into this world or not. It is a different situation if you were careless,and getting abortions left and right (I've known some girls who have had 3 or 4 of them). Accidents happen, and so does pregnancy. Lord knows my mother didn't plan on having me. But all I can say is, even though it was terrible timing, she didn't have a lot of money, no stable man in her life...she says that having me was the best thing she did with her life.
This isn't an easy decision, and especially not one you can let anyone but yourself make. Take a look around you, evaluate the support that you have in your life. If it doesn't seem like there is much, for what its worth, you sound like a very intelligent woman who could figure out a way to make things work. If there's one thing I've learned in life, even when things get tough, and dont seem possible, the sun still rises the next day, the clock still ticks, and life goes on. There's always a way to work it out.
Good luck in whatever you choose is the best path for you.
Thank you so much, Brookster, for the support. I know that if I kept the baby, I would truly have a blessing. It might be hard and it would definitely be hard for many people in my family to accept and handle. I am concerned about so many things that my mind is in a frenzy. I always wanted to find my soulmate and marry him and have children....every girls dream, right?
Your mother obviously raised you well though and I appreciate you writing me back and giving me inspiration to make the decision that is best for me.
Thank you and take care,
No one can tell you what you should do. I understand how hard that decision can be to make on your own, as I have had to make the same the decision. My circumstances were differant than yours, but just as complicated. I work at an abortion clinic now, and I can tell you this: Whether you decide to continue or terminate the pregnancy, it will be the best decision you have ever made. I don't have exact figures, but I would have to say that at least 95% of the patients who have had an abortion in the clinic I work at feel releived once the procedure is over. Whatever you decide, make sure that you choose for yourself and no one else because it is your body. "Every child a wanted child. Every mother, a willing mother".
No abortions. should have considered these situations before having sex. It will all work out. I am a father of a 2 1/2 year old daughter who has a crazy mother and family ( bipolar-schezo) but i would do it all again because she makes it worth it everytime she looks at me with her gleaming eyes.
Agreed with southerndude.
God would not place a child in your life if that child didn't have a purpose or reason for living. Please do not have an abortion. If you must have the child and give it up for adoption. Please please please do not have an abortion though. Children are a blessing and the future of this world. That child could move mountains.
Hi just read the post an it helped m alittl with my own problem. I am 18 and my boyfriend is 20 we've been together for nearly 2 years now and just recetly i found out that i am 4 weeks pregnant, i have a stable job and so deoes he, butwe only recently moved into new bigger house which costs us alot more tha the old one we hae a dog too. I want to keep this baby but i am worried that financialy i wont be able to its a hard decision and i don't know what to do
hi i can feel for you hun i am in a simular position i already have a child my boy n i wanted him so much he is now 4 n wuld never change anything about him but i have been in a relationship for 4 1/2 yrs on n off and was trying for a baby for yrs but this last 8 months have been hell but i been trying to ride it out n make it work 4 months ago we fell pregnant i was sooo happy but then 8 weeks ago we lost it n he totally changed blamed me for the baby dying he pinned me by my throat n tried slicing my face open he has officailly lost the plot but i stayed with him hoping i could get him help although this last 8 months have been hell i felt like i owed it to help him so i tried (unsucessfully)anyway i been waiting 8 weeks now since losing the baby for my next period n now just found out im pregnant so was rushed for a scan to see if i lost one of a twin or if it was a new pregnancy which it is a new pregnancy i am now 6-7 weeks i could cry he has done so much in this last 8 weeks beat me hurt me ect ect he defo isnt the man i fell in love with n its woke me up to all the things that have happened this last 8 months so i finally walked i brought my son up on my own n it was soooo hard but worth it i love him so much he is my glue but... i wanted my son n i dont know if i want this i dont want my ex in my life forever as a person he has crushed me n i really dont know what to do????????? ive always said i dont believe in abortions but i am seriously considering it but dont know if it would break me more than my ex already has i so lost and confused i keep thinking i did ut with my son n i can do it again but im a great mum to one could i be a great mum to two 1 that i wanted n 1 that has trapped me to this person for the rest of my life i want my ex awy from me for good i cant bare to look at him n see everything hes done to me
I Dont Really Believe In Abortions But I Dont Know What To Do Now I Think Im Pregnant And Im Tryin To Decide If I Should Get An Abortion Or If I Should Just Try To Raise The Baby On My Own I Really Dont Think That I Can And The Dad Isnt Here And He Wont Be So What Do I Do I Dont Know About Adoption I Dont Want Someone Else Raising My Child So I Dont Know ! HELP PLEASE !