I don't know how to react or act even

I've talked to a lot of people about my problems but they all just say it'll get better. I can't afford to see a doctor or take any drugs so I've been desperately looking for help. So here's my problem,

I'm 22, gay male, good physical shape. I find myself hating people more and more everyday with no reason. Both my parents died when I was 16. I've blamed myself for it even though it was natural causes. Every relationship im in ends with the guy telling me that im too good for them. I hate people yet they give me so much encouragement to be how I am. I always want to cry with no stimulus, and can't get angry no matter what the situation. Every friendship I have ends up failing because people keep telling me I'm too nice. I get so confused because it seems people want me to be mean but I know it's not right. I really need someone to just suggest an alternative behavior pattern or if they can at least specify if I have a mental condition it would be helpful

Thank you for your time!