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i cant make friends (Page 1)

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...please tell me why i feel so alone. i am a good person, i know this. and in my life i am doing all i can to be the best i can in every way. but one problem i have is i refuse to be fake...it seems like because if this i have to suffer. as a person im loving, caring...as a friend i would never lie or hurt anyone...im trust worthy...all these positive things yet i cant keep a friend. im always let down by people...i give my all and always get less in return...
why should someone like me feel like i cant have friends?
im not concieted in anyway i just know who i am.
i want what other people have...the big group of friends, fun, the happiness and fulfillment. instead i feel empty and numb.
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First Helper User Profile brookeelizabeth
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Users who thank brookeelizabeth for this post: jenrninmi 

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replied September 12th, 2008
Supporter
I hear you --- you're not alone. They say that you're lucky in life if you can count the number of TRUE friends you have on one hand. I don't know that, apart from my husband, if I have a friend who will be there for me in time of trouble.

Friendship just needs to click. I imagine that you get along with lots of people, but are looking for a confidante.

Am I right?
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replied September 12th, 2008
youre right.
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replied September 13th, 2008
Supporter
Well, unfortunately REAL friends are pretty hard to come by and these types of friendships take YEARS to develop. I see that you're from Florida ... I lived in Delray Beach for awhile, but now live in Eastern Europe. From your photo, you look like a bright young woman, and you probably attract people...just not the confidante that you're looking for.

Sad

I know what you're going through. In life, what I found is:

1. I started making friends that cared about my thoughts in college.
2. If you can't look a person in the eye, they're not good friend material. Move on.
3. You've got to literally trust someone with your life to test how close they are to you. Imagine this --- who would you call if you were sick or in trouble and needed help? Those are your friends.
4. Be patient


Do you have any friends from when you were little?
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replied September 25th, 2008
I feel like i can relate to your situation. I am honest and I think that i am a very good person. I am always there for my friends and when i need them they are not around. I have just learned to really value myself. I stoped hanging out with people that do not value me. My husband is my best friend but sometimes you need someone like a sister, I understand.
Your not alone.

I just moved to California from N.Y. so it's a little difficult to make friends but i consentrate on improving myself and my life.

have patients. you sound like a very nice person. i'm sure you will find good friends.
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replied October 2nd, 2008
Supporter
i know what you are feeling!!!!
i give my so called friends everything love, understanding, a person they can trust with their inner feelings and never say it to anyone else. Yet I always seem to either not see the person for who they really are or people do not like that I say the truth and that I have no problem standing up for what I believe in. it is sad that people these days would rather be told they look great even if they look horrible.
I dream of having lots of friends like everyone else but how? I lived in the city growing up and was never around my house on weekends and was not allowed out after dinner until I was 13 or so. No friends from when I was little. I never had true friends when I was younger either. Where would you look for friends? I am basically house bound.
help, lonely, and scared of
taykare
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replied October 2nd, 2008
Advanced Support Team
first of all, i wanted to say that your ambition to find true friends is noble, as long as you are willing to look at yourself honestly and be as real with yourself as you claim you are, then you will surely find a way to keep friends.

it seems that you have very high ideals, both for yourself and for others. do you think that perhaps people feel like they can never be good enough around you?

about getting less in return... when you give and expect to receive, you will always get less than you expect. if you give without expecting anything, you will always get more than you expect back.

last thing - what makes you think so highly of yourself?
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replied October 3rd, 2008
Me too..
Hey. I have the same problem. For some reason, I can't make friends with guys. I am so shy, I am completely anti-social. I have been my whole life. Me and other people just don't make good friends. But the real problem is not that I don't have friends, it's that the few people I do talk to have one thing in common: I'm ok to talk to at work and school, but they would never hang out with me anywhere in public. So I know how you're feeling.
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replied November 27th, 2011
i know how you feel.I can be home for weeks on holiday and apart from my mother, noone calls .My phone never rings.No one ever invites me out.I always overhear them making plans to meet up.I pretend i know nothing about it because i know that i wont be invited.They know how to find me when they need something or when they have problems but in my opinion i'm never good for any thing else.I am always the misfit and the odd one out.It is pitiful.Lately i have begun to go off on my own to lonely spots on campus where no one will find me.I cant let them see how lonely i am or how much it hurts.I think it has begun to affect my self esteem and that is the last thing i wanted.
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replied October 24th, 2008
I understand what u r saying. Danielv has a good point about expectations. I keep coming around to the ole saying that if I try too hard to get something then my efforts are just counterproductive, so maybe u r trying too hard.
Over the past year, I've quit trying to develop close friends and I'm keeping the few that I have and I'm trying to support them in anyway that I can.
I hope that u find what u r looking for.
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replied October 26th, 2008
I'm in the same situation
I'm in a same boat as U R, I had ppl who I thought were my friends stab me in the bck. Now I feel that I don't know who2 trust anymore. I get very lonely at times. Sometimes I get so lonely that I turn bitter or mayB I'm better off alone b/c 2me there R no true friends
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replied October 26th, 2008
Keep smiling
LonelyDaisy, sorry to hear u say the same thing as me and so many others. I think u can combat the bitter attitude and keep it under raps when u r out socializing. I know I'm doing that very thing on a daily basis so I don't push people away. I think I'm also trying to 'live in the moment' and be happier instead of worrying about the past and future so much.
When do u really feel like u wish u had a few friends? How do u get through those times?
I hope u meet someone special who wants to b ur friend and hang out with u no matter what destiny brings u. Take care.
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replied November 13th, 2008
Having trouble making and keeping friends
Crying or Very sad I have always had a hard time making and keeping firends. No matter how I try to be a good friend, I always get mistreated, used, and abused. I am a strong believer in Christ and I understand as a "TRUE" christian you will suffer persecution and rejection. But it is still hard especially when even your husband, who is suppose to be your best friend, turns on you. I'm not complaining it's just difficult to deal with at times.
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replied May 28th, 2012
Hi sooo true, im a believer in Christ! too, but like you say we will be rejected. Sad thing is I had enough rejection before my conversion to Christ! lol.
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replied May 28th, 2012
Hi sooo true, im a believer in Christ! too, but like you say we will be rejected. Sad thing is I had enough rejection before my conversion to Christ! lol.
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replied November 22nd, 2008
Re: i cant make friends
brookeelizabeth wrote:
...please tell me why i feel so alone. i am a good person, i know this. and in my life i am doing all i can to be the best i can in every way. but one problem i have is i refuse to be fake...it seems like because if this i have to suffer. as a person im loving, caring...as a friend i would never lie or hurt anyone...im trust worthy...all these positive things yet i cant keep a friend. im always let down by people...i give my all and always get less in return...
why should someone like me feel like i cant have friends?
im not concieted in anyway i just know who i am.
i want what other people have...the big group of friends, fun, the happiness and fulfillment. instead i feel empty and numb.

I hear you, my friend. I feel the exact same way... You are not alone!
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replied March 13th, 2009
Trouble Making Friends
I'm completely in the same boat. At school, I have plenty of friends, we talk, hang out together, skip class to do whatever we want, but when we walk out that door at night, I can bet on the fact that I won't her from them again until the next time we're at school. I can't tell you how many weeks its been since I've received a call/text/anything from anyone other than my two good friends, who, while they are friends, have incredibly busy lives and I see them pretty rarely.

I wish I knew the solution to this problem, but I've not found one yet. The best I can say is just stay strong, be yourself, keep your head up, and don't let anyone put you down for being who you are.
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replied March 15th, 2009
I feel exactly the same way.. I just got out of high school and my whole high school career i struggled to find good friends but i never could. I always held onto this one friend that i called my best friend but she really wasnt i just was afraid to let go and be alone.. she was cruel and made me feel bad all the time she was never there for me like i was for her and sometimes she wouldnt even talk to me and i had no clue why.. i stopped talking to her after school but now i have no one but my boyfriend who is wonderful but i want a girl friend so bad just to hang out and go to.. im scared ill never find any good friends and maybe there is something wrong with me.. I thought i was the only one who felt like this but i can see im not
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replied April 3rd, 2009
I know how you feel...
I am desparate for friends. I know so many people but I get invited to functions maybe once a month. When I host a dinner party or something I invite everyone in the attempts to make new friends. They hardly ever do that in return. I hear about parties all the time and feel so terrible knowing that I was never considered.

I don't know what it is about me that people just don't like. I meet new people all the time and we might hand out once but then they never call me again. At work I meet people and the next day they ignore me. It's definitely me but I don't know what it is. I've asked two people who've known me for a long time to help me figure out what is it! They don't have an answer for me, they think I'm great. Can someone give me some hints on how I might figure out why don't people want to be my friend...PLEASE!!! I'm tired of being home, alone and crying over this all the time.
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replied April 3rd, 2009
Community Volunteer
Why not join a church or hospital group where they do volunteer work...These people are always needed...If you go to one church and do not find it to your liking, go on to another...It need not be a church of your religious choice, but one just to socialize with other people that are trying to do what you are doing...Let's face it...There is only one God and he is at all churches...

Stop trying to make people like you...Be yourself...You sound fantastic and honey, the world is full of lonely people...Nobody trusts anybody...Look around...Many are not happy, but just trying to get on with life...Nowadays, many are in need of both love and a helping hand...Offer your hand....I am sure it will be accepted...

I send you all my love...
Caroline
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replied April 11th, 2009
I Can't Make Friends
I am 51 years old. I have moved around most of my life to different states due to my job. I have never had an easy time making friends, however; since I turned 37 it has been nearly impossible to have a real close friend. I know that since I am shy, I see people I might befriend and instead just pass them by without any deep introduction. I think that if I just start trying to question people I see, say walking in the park and maybe I can get to tell them I am lonely and am looking for friends.
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replied April 11th, 2009
Experienced User
we wern't designed to be lonely
to some of us it's not a big problem, but to others it means a lot. maybe all of the people that seem to not value us as much are just wrapped up in there selves & what they feel they have to do that they forget the value in having true friends that don't care about the material things!
I'm male in my early fourties, happily married, if that doesn't cause anyone any grief anyone is welcome to click on my avatar logo & send me a message! friendships have to start somewhere!
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replied April 11th, 2009
I feel the exact same way too.

I am living in Singapore [South-east Asia FYI]. I just rose to secondary school, and when I went for open-houses [They are to showcase their own school to attract students], they told me this

'Secondary school is the time where you make the friends of your life'

Well, perhaps I was fooled by that, cause I felt that as I long I was myself, I would be able to make at least few true friends.

But I was wrong, I never heard of the phrase 'Life is unfair'.

You never get what you want. 4 months into, everybody has made a few friends, cliques are appearing everywhere in my class. Though I have company who takes the bus with me home, call me at home, SMS or go MSN to chat, they never seem to like my presence in their own world.

Somehow, when I feel sad, they just pretend to comfort me and then walk away.
And yet they are so arrogant, yet they can socialise perfectly.
Sometimes, when I think about my horrid 'fate', I just cry myself to sleep.
And I wake up the next day to face the harsh reality.

Humans are cruel, indeed. Life is unfair.
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