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May 14th, 2009
I have been going out with someone for a good three years now. It all seemed good at first. But the thing is, our relationship had mostly been long distance after he left for school and I stayed here. It worked out well enough. We lasted for quite some time. But now that it's three years in he suddenly started paying more attention to me. Yet, when usually someone feels happy about this sort of thing I can't help but find negative aspects in it all.

It also doesn't help that I slowly seem to be falling in head over heals with another. Someone who I've known for near the same amount of time that I've known him. Leaving me to think that I might have just chose the wrong one.

I want to break it off with him. Whenever I think of us and our future all i can imagine is something that I don't want. And this lingering feeling that he's not the one steadily begins to grow.

But it's too hard to tell him. Or at least I can't seem to build the guts too. I'm too afraid of hurting him, what with how attached he's gotten. I've never felt so torn and heart-broken over a matter before. Especially seeing as he keeps bringing up things that we'd be doing together in the future. That hopeful loving look in his eyes always tears me up. Having it that the family is infatuated with him doesn't help either.

Any advice? I don't want this to continue. But I don't want this to be an everlasting scar on him forever either.
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zigemyster
replied May 14th, 2009
Community Volunteer
He is going to be hurt regardless if you tell him now or later.

It can be difficult to have a long distance relationship.

I'd suggest that you tell him this and that what you need is a break and it wouldn't bother you that he dated someone else if he so chooses.
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freakyfashionista
replied May 16th, 2009
I've been there
I was in your exact situation until I asked my husband for a divorce recently. I was also afraid of the pain and scars it would cause. And yes it will cause pain, to you and to him, but if you know that you need time apart then you owe it to both of you to break up. would you rather sneak behind his back and lie to him? it sounds like he's a good guy and doesn't deserve that, and you sound like a sensitive person who would feel awful about that.
He will only get more attached with time. And since you live apart, he does have a life apart from you. You can tell him that. He has his own friends and school or work stuff.
Maybe if he suddenly started paying more attention to you then he senses you're pulling away from him? It may be a good time to tell him that you want to break up.
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starship33
replied May 16th, 2009
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i was with my ex for 5 years and all of a sudden he told me he's moving out. he was unhappy and he cried to his momma, and friends but didnt bother to say anything to me. this ripped a whole in my heart. i didnt cook for 1 1/2 months i ate take out. that was a way of coping with the pain. i would rather him be man enough and tell me that he's unhappy and he dont want to be with me. he knew he would hurt me but for him to do it the way he did, w/o any conversation was unfair and wrong.
so the sooner you tell him the better. but be sure that this is what you want. b/c if the other relationship doesnt work out and you want to get back with your ex, that hurt will always be in the back of his head. just be fair, it the shoe was on the other foot wouldnt you want him to tell you that.
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