Medical Questions > Conditions and Diseases > TMJ Forum

I can't get any help...

This pain is...intense. I'm in my last semester in college. I got a full-ride scholarship, and I'm going to graduate with honors... or at least I want to. But it's the third week of classes, and I can barely handle it. Because of my TMJ, I can only study or work for like 30 minutes without severely worsening my pain. I've been taking someone's leftover Vicodin, but today, that's only working for like 10 minutes when I take it. And I won't take more than one pill at a time, because that will create dependency...
My childhood dentist let me do a payment plan and made a night guard for me that I use every night, but it's still been getting worse and worse. He's recommended that I see an oral surgeon, but I can't afford it. I am uninsured, and the research I have done on Medicaid and insurance has informed me that neither could help me, anyway.
I was the happiest I'd ever been in my whole life before this tmjd set in, so "stress" doesn't make sense. This is not psychosomatic, it is somatopsychic...
Tonight, the pain was so bad, I ended up going to the bar and having a shot of Jack, and then I bought a beer... I know this is not good for me, but it gets worse no matter what I do... and it's now only an hour later and I'm starting to feel it again...
If I try to eat something SOFT, it gets worse. I have to live off of liquids, but my stomach does not like anything dairy by itself... so most protein and vitamins drinks are out. And applesauce and most smoothies are too acidic, so on top of my face killing me, then my stomach is, too.
My dentist said he saw nothing wrong with my jaw in the x-rays he took... but he did notice it popping last visit, and he's gone from calling it just bruxism to calling it tmjd and saying he'd like to refer me to an oral surgeon...this is too confusing, and I don't have the funds to figure it out...
And it is getting in the way of life. I can't smile at people, and when I do, I pay for it afterward...
It is not natural to "eat" liquids all the time, either, so my hunger convinces me to eat something solid when the pain is not as bad, and then I pay for that, too...
Will this get better? I miss being able to work out in the gym--this is like having whiplash all the time... all those websites that say exercise will HELP really make me mad... because it makes it worse. And those miracle jaw stretches... they make it worse, too.
This is not in my head, either... I would not bring this upon myself. I would be able to go to the gym and run if I had the choice. I feel like my life is over at 26... I haven't even gotten to have a family yet... but I can't get pregnant when I can't eat...
I'm really angry and depressed and I don't know what to do, because I don't have money, and my school took $1300 I don't have (a loan) for a meal plan I can't use... and I have not worked enough to get decent disability benefits if I file for that... and what about my degree? I don't know what I have to live for if I can't work and I can't finish my degree and I can't have children (or adopt due to disability/low income)...
And, please, don't give me crap about me being selfish and GOD will help me... I'm an atheist. Besides, my Hell is here... "separation from God" would suit me well if there is one and He/She did this to me... plus to so many others...
That's another thing... it won't make me feel better to know that others have it worse than I do... this IS BAD!!!... if others have it worse, then this is all bull... and thinking about that is not going to help me...
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