I was diagnosed with OPSTD..Ongoing Post Traumatic Stress Disorder by my previous medical doctor. There's nothing you can do for that. I have no therapist right now, they refuse to give me one. I don't do well in groups and making me go to two. I have no friends. My friend died in April and boyfriend broke up with me too. Miscarried in May. You saw other topic. I decided I can't be friends with my only friend who is an alchoholic and drug attic...my x-fiance. He always yells at me, always , I can't take it anymore. He refuses to get heath insurance and needs his high mg of synthroid. He has mood swings. I also get very upset when hear icecream trucks, seeing kids, baby diapers, preggers tests. I am so lonely. All I have is my cats. I can't do anything to myself because of them. I love them very much. I hate where I live, the state , the community. I can't work. I can't drive more than 10 min cause I'm afraid I'm gonna get in an accident. I am so tired from not sleeping good or my meds make me tired. I feel no ones helping me. My mom is making me feel more miserable. I want to stay in bed all day, or at least the apt. I'm even having a hard time making friends on here. I joined this forum so it will help me. I am at the age where I know I will never have kids, I hate my life. Been hit, beat up, abused, pushed, accidents, emotionally abused, yelled at. Can someone help me through this? I don't ever want to look for another guy again. It seems they all seem to be sick just like me or worse. I hate being lonely. The cats are not enough anymore.
After getting your letter, I read all your posts. I thought I would give an open reply here.
The sheer trust you people place in modern psychiatry is really terrifying. As far as I can understand, modern psychiatry doesnât know much about what really ticks and triggers the mind and mood.
As far as you being a Bipolar, I would simply say that this type of high sounding terminology is a misuse of words to terrify people by persons who cannot claim any level of knowledge on the inner depths of the human mind, and are equally at sea as how the mind works.
The medicines that you may have taken might really burden your mind with a heavy lethargy. As far as mood swings are concerned, there are deeper codes involved. For example, take the issue of abusive words being used by a person. What is it that triggers that?
The easiest thing that can provoke it, is provocation. What provocation, if the other person has not used abusive words? Well, thinking from an English experience, it might not be easy to explain it, even though the issue is there. From my studies on oriental languages, I have found that sentences or words that may sound perfectly decent when translated into English, can actually be terrifically provocative.
For example, a simple sentence like, âWhere were you till now?â when asked in an oriental language, and possibly many European languages, and probably African languages, can have be made violently provocative by the simple change of the level of words used. For these languages do have different levels, each inflicting a substandard level to the person, or else honouring the person.
Similarly, minor curving of the eyebrow, a out of social level sort of answer, which become a sort of social insubordination, a slight hint of some hidden meaning, a allusion to a weakness, or some other things, all spoken in very mild manner, and also unspoken hints can all be provocative. It can swing a personâs mood.
If a person is found to be having a periodic swing in mood, the best idea would be to study the others who really may be sending the provocative signals with a specific periodicity. As an intelligent human beings, a man would react to these things.
Beyond that from my own observations I have found that certain persons do have some innate craving to despoil another personâs individually. Some persons do crave to see that another person remains in his or her mental custody. Such persons do send such provocative signals, for they might be knowing what it is that can trigger a reaction. In many cases, these persons can even be a parent or parents, uncles, aunts, spouse, friends on whom one depends etc. Generally acknowledged enemies cannot reach the physical proximity to do this.
Some of the reasons for this incredible craving could be the need for keeping someone beneath themselves, jealousy that the other person may improve and grow beyond certain levels, and such other things. However, during my observations, I did also feel that some of these intangible enmities really goes beyond the scope of this life, and may even be connected to certain things beyond the scope of oneâs life.
I may stress that if you are a person with quality, you are an easy prey to their diabolic initiatives. Crude persons usually do not get easily distressed by these things. Also, it is quality persons who are the easy targets.
In your case, I should not make any suggestions as to who might be the person/s who are harbouring any kind of inimical interests in you. However, these persons would be someone who puts on a stance of being very helpful to you, and others see them as that. At the same time, they suddenly change their words and postures from that of a very caring person to someone who suddenly pounces on you. Usually this/these person/s would encourage yourself and others to believe that you have basic mental problems. The sheer suddenness and force of the change of pose and personality of this/these persons can really unsettle you.
Apart from this issue, there are other things that can also distress. As you say that some doctor, in his extreme height of ignorance and incompetence had diagnosed you as bipolar and made you take medicines, you indeed have been rendered weak. There is a certain level of desperation in your letters. Yet, they do speak that you have a vibrant mind, that simply wants to break out of the fetters.
The place you live, the shape of your house, what you see on your walls, the kind of society you are forced to see everyday and such things can affect your mind. Usually, a clean and happiness inducing scenario can help unburden your mind. As to society, you may mentally yearn for a different kind of people to be with.
The question is how do you escape the problems? Well, it depends on your willingness to understand that you are not ill. Your mental state is unique to you. May be others cannot understand you. Well, if you are rich and can afford to live where you please and with whom you please, a great bit of problem would be solved. However that may not be the case. In certain cases, there may be persons who those affectionate and helpful, who really may not like the idea of your financial independence.
What are your interests? Do you read books, love any sporting activity, love browsing the internet, got a good job which you enjoy, love traveling, love going on a cycle, love swimming and such things? If you love to write, do that.
If you feel that your mind is burdened everyday, it could be due to your medicines. Or the harsh/unsettling mental environment you have at the place of your residence. You have to find a way to break out.
Try being a teacher to some children. It can really helps you if you can get acknowledged as a teacher. Teaching can be in textbook matter or can be in some indoor games or even in outdoor activity. Or simply participate in some such things. See that you have a few people who appreciate your gesture.
Find someone who appreciates you in words and gestures. Keep away from persons who taunt you or try to belittle you.
When you get up in the morning, do a bit of rope skipping. Do yoga exercises. You donât need to go to a guru. Buy a book and practice it. They are simple exercises.
A bath can lighten your mood. Massage your hair. Sing some songs loudly. Practise public speaking. Join a public speaking club.
Beyond all this, if you need medication, try Homeopathy. In this system of medicine, there are no mental diseases, only mental conditions. Every man has a different mental condition. Homeopathy can rectify deviations, but does not strangle the person with terrifying terminology.
I hate to reply to your question with stresses of my own, but I believe it might help. I am 16 years old, and I did home-schooling until year 4. Then I decided I was missing the company of other kids and I went to primary school. I was at the top of my class from the start, but I just didn't fit in. I was a newcomer in a new town, (I'd just moved) and the town was small, so while everyone knew everyone, I didn't. I went well in year 4 though. When it came to year 5 though, I started falling apart. I got headaches about every second day, and towards the end of the year, I was missing most days, about 4 out of 5. I had a constant headache, in and out of a hot bath, then lying on a cold tile floor to give me some relief. This state of things went on for about a month or two. A constant headache, which the strongest of painkillers or hot baths didn't help.
Went to the hospital, got a cat scan, found I had a brain tumor. Went to Sydney, (I live in Australia) and had surgery which removed the tumor. The problem was it was on the pineal gland, so the gland was removed. The pineal gland controls all sleep, and I wasn't told the kind of medication I needed, so I went about 9 months with mostly less than 10 minutes of sleep a day. If you have any idea what lack of sleep does to the body, you will understand I was very worn down. I was a skeleton. I developed a lung infection when winter came and almost collapsed my lung because of my weakness. I then found the right kind of medication to take to replace the pineal gland's function, and I slowly recovered. However, going from year 4, being a fast runner and top of my class, to being in bed all day takes it's toll. At the time, I was too whacked-out to really care.
However, I felt like going to high school, in year 9. Mum warned me that it was too early, but everyone I knew was pressuring me into it, because I looked fine on the outside. As you may know, looks can be deceiving. I went to high school, lasted about 2 months, and pushed myself really hard. I got to the end of two months, and by pushing myself really hard, I had gotten low again. All that hard work recovering over 3 years was lost. I took about 2 years to just get back to how fit I was when I went to high school in year nine.
Then a lot of other things happened. All I can tell you about that is that it was some of the most intense stress I ever have been through, and that's saying a lot, considering what I have been through.
I could go on for a while, but I'll skip to the important part. During this stressful period, I used all my techniques that I had learned over the years, deep breathing, yoga, walks, exercise, but none of them worked enough to take the stress away. I have always been careful and considerate and a cautious person because of what I had been through, but I got to the point where I really couldn't give a damn.
Anyway, I got to that point, and I walked to a hill nearby and started climbing rock faces I considered easy to begin with. Then over a few weeks, I upgraded to almost climbing up sheer cliffs about 7 meters high. I got such an adrenalin rush out of this, I hadn't felt that good in years! So I started doing other things I had always been too scared to try. I found a guy who was willing to give me some instruction on shooting shotguns. This was always something I had been told not to do, and therefore I was scared of it. But again, It gave me such a good feeling overcoming the fear that I hadn't felt so good in a long time! Basically, I had became fearful over the years, and anything that was scary to me, I decided to do! It is the best feeling. I used to be a little scared of the dark, so without anyone knowing, I slipped out at night and took a route through the shadows around the neighborhood. That also felt good.
The best advice I can give from my experience is to forget fear, and if you can't, do the exact things that you consider to be scary or dangerous. Within reason, of course. Don't do something that will hurt you for certain. It's not worth it. I had felt like life was no longer worth living, but believe me, if you feel that way, It's because you have become blinded to the truth. The truth is that God placed us all on this earth for a purpose. We will be shown that purpose if we look beyond ourselves and just go and live life. It can be in the simplest way, but it can be enjoyable.
Last, but definitely not least, I learned to place trust in Jesus. You can do all the yoga techniques in the world, but they will never bring you the peace that Jesus can bring. The problem with most churches is that they make you feel like you're doing the wrong thing the whole time. On the other hand, you can have a personal and friendly relationship with Jesus. He came to earth to save man, not condemn him. That goes for everyone. Everyone deserves a second chance, and If you place trust in Jesus and learn to live by the holy spirit, you can get that.
I have learned everything I know by hard experience. If I can reach peace, you can.
By the way, you said in your post that you don't want to look for another guy again. Trust me, that is one of the best things you could have come to. People seem to think everyone needs a girlfriend or a boyfriend. Not true. A lot of sorrow and heartache comes out of trying desperately to get a relationship going. Place your trust in Jesus and he will show you the way to enjoy life. Trying to live life by the standards society imposes on you will only make you frustrated.
Determine what is right, not who is right. Stand by it. Live a full life. I know you have it in you to succeed in anything you want. Believe it and move forward! I hope I have helped and I wish you good in every way.