I can't come without thinking of hardcore sexual fantasies

Like you I deplore the effect over-exposure to porn has had on the sensibilities and sensitivities of our society of both women and men! Porn is a very poor role-model for real life and relationships!

I also believe there is much to applaud in the feminist cause but being a believer in a meritocracy I deplore the use of positive discrimination in any form - but enough of this...

It is hard and mind-altering work trying to live by a set of principles and standards and being constantly disappointed by much of the rest of the world and its attitudes - this results in an almost constant state of (suppressed) anger and frustration!
The expression "angry young men (or women)" has a great deal of truth in it - the inexperience of the young do tend to make them see issues in only black and white - things are either right or they are wrong!

Young people with a cause tend to be constantly frustrated because they are incapable of seeing any shades of grey - the historical reasons for an issue, the evolution of a situation and the many compromises that have been made and must be made over time - usually too much time...
Frustrated and angry young people see only the need for change and this fact has been a thing of record since ancient Greece!

By the time most people reach their early 30's things have changed somewhat - they have other interests and responsibilities and are tired at the end of each day and have forgotten why they were angry and have begun to live some of those endless compomises they used to hate so much and now begin to see shades of grey.
They tend to become more philosophical and relaxed in their outlook! Their anger has largely been replaced with experience!

This is mostly a good thing because too much anger or anger that is maintained for too long has a very corrosive effect on friends and family and relationships and especially on the host of all that anger and frustration...


I feel it is possible you have sustained your anger too long - you have probably spent one-and-a-half decades preaching about and supporting your cause and avoiding the company of those who do not share your views and now you are beginning to suffer some of the corrosive effects...

It is also likely you have latent masochistic tendencies which drive you to choose your most emotive subject for fantasy material!

I feel in order to go forward you should widen your horizons somewhat regarding the choice of friends and acquaintances and experiences and attempt to spend more time on other interests and hobbies in order to dilute the emotions the cause of feminism makes you feel...

You don't have to pass the cause itself on to a new generation but just the baton of anger...

Emptying your head onto paper periodically can be very therapeutic and help dispel some of that so-corrosive anger. Some counselling might also help, especially to explore your sexual response - though you might wish to explore possible masochistic tendencies in a more practical way?

Thanks.

That was a very enlightening post.

At first I resented it thinking that I don't really fight with people about and I am not an activist...

But I am angry within.

Do you think the best hing I can do is accept the things in society that I am not accepting?

I think that may be one side of the coin.

Because it happens to be that I hold feminist opinions.

Many people, especially man, also need hardcore fantasies for arousal and it is not necessarily linked with their view of the world...

Yes, I thought you wouldn't be very pleased - I used to be an angry young man and I just told you what I felt might be wrong...

Injustice or unfairness still prompts a feeling of impotent outrage and frustration in me but it is difficult to sustain it for very long today after being disappointed so many, many times...

I liked the prayer that is so often printed on towels and nic-nacs from souveneir shops -
"grant me the strength to change the things I can change and the inner peace to accept the things I cannot change and the wisdom to know the difference"...

I have never needed hardcore fantasies for arousal but I have rarely used sex as a leisure activity - mostly for a means of satisfying a bodily need like food satisfies hunger; when I have sex it is because I have an appetite that needs satisfying and I need nothing more than the stimulation of an ordinary sexual encounter with an ordinary woman!
Sometimes sex is an aid to restful sleep and sometimes it is necessary to calm my mind. I did fantasise sometimes when I was younger but it was usually about unobtainable women...
I haven't been desentitised by porn or my head messed up by over-exposure to the wrong sort of porn and I don't have latent masochistic tendencies - if anything I have responded to some women and situations in a slightly sadistic way...

It would be too easy to say those who need hard-core fantsies or a fetish to obtain sexual satisfaction are not very well adjusted (because sexual desire and response are complex things) but as a rule-of-thumb if such things are necessary and satisfaction with ordinary encounters is completely unobtainable, the sexologist would consider this "kinky" or a perversion!

That you obtain satisfaction with a new man until the novelty wears off and then need to fantasise about your most hated things makes you a complex person, I think...

I feel sure your way forward is some of that inner peace. You might also find having less sex but more affectionate "closeness" with your partner will sharpen your appetite for when you do have sex. You will, in time, probably grow through your need to fantasise if you keep an open mind, accept possibilities and don't focus on your perceived need to fantasise - it probably isn't a need at all!

Give yourself time - and relax and be easy with yourself...

Hi Jenny2113....IMO when you meet the man of your dreams all these thoughts of feminist or causes will be thrown out the window....When love blooms and you meet someone who owns your soul, you will give as well as take to make everything right...Again IMO, this is not about a male or woman oriented society, it is more about you and your dislikes for some things you see...My advice is to get rid of the thoughts, do your thing and accept man for what he is....That being a person who can not only fill your soul, but bring out the perfection in you....As for me, I would push a peanut down the street with my nose for my husband...Yet, I am a proud woman...I demand respect and get it...Shave for him, you had better believe it and may I add I also shave him....He and I are equals...Oh, I may be smarter, but I always make him think that he is...As for the men that need hardcore fantasies, that is beyond me...You alone hold the cards in who you date and what you allow to happen....My best to you...Take care...

Caroline