My currently ex-boyfriend and I broke up 7 weeks ago. Before that we had a long distance relationship for 5 years. We loved each other dearly. Last year I went to stay a year with him, during which time we got engaged. We come from 2 different cultures.
The reason we could never truly be together was because of money... or the lack of it. He keep promising me that he just need to save money for '3 months longer', then he will rent a house for us, and I can move over to his country, and we can finally start a new life together. This time we will not have to say goodbye again.
The '3 months longer' promise always extends for another 3 months... it went on for 2 years. I guess, I got scared. I started to wonder... can I really trust and give my life to a man who can't keep his promises?
So one day... I could not take it. I felt so weak and tired emotionally, this lead to anger, and so I questioned him, when is this '3 more months' thing going to end? I questioned him, how do I know that what you say to me today, '3 more months', really is the last 3 more months?
When I said that, actually, all I wanted to hear from him, was his words, to tell me that, yes this 3 months really will be the last 3 months. Trust me. That's all I needed to hear....
The truth is, in my heart, I did trust him. But nevertheless, I had my fear. Especially since in order to be with him, I must leave everything in my country... my job... my parents.. all my friends. But in my heart I knew he was trying his best already. And still he could not save enough. But actually all I wanted, was his words, saying to me 'trust me'. And I will.
By questioning him that day... I hurted him by bascially implying that I did not trust him. Which I guess was kind of true. It's not that I don't trust him. I simply... was scared.
And then the next thing I know, we broke up.
Over the past 7 weeks, I realise I made a big mistake by not trusting him. I have tried many times to contact him. Emails... phone calls... I know it was all my fault for doubting him... for not trusting him completely. I really do not want to give up this 5 year relationship.
But over the past 7 weeks, whenever he was willing to respond to my contact, he was always saying things like, "I don't want to be with you anymore", "I don't love you anymore", "Stop contacting me"... he even said "I have a new girlfriend now and I am very happy".
Today I travelled all the way back to his country. I know simply telling him that I trust him will no longer be enough for him to believe me. So I wanted to show him with action that I really do trust him... by coming all the way here. When I arrived in the airport, I called him. Once again he repeated all those same words again about how he doesn't want to be with me anymore. But when he spoke those words, he sounded more hurt than me. When he said he did not love me anymore, he sounded hurt too. And when he repeated that he has a new girlfriend already and they are so happy, he did not sound happy at all. I know, because our 5 year relationship required a lot of phone/msn conversations, I know exactly what the different tones in his voice meant.
Bascially after our talk on the phone today, he refused to see me. And from what I can gather from our conversation, I am certain none of the words he said were true. He sounded very angry the whole time while we talked. Very angry.
Please... can someone please teach me how I can get through his anger and speak to the him that I know still loves me? I can only stay here for 1 week... I don't have time to waste.
Should I just turn up in his town anyway even though he asks me not to go?
I love him, with my whole heart. I must try my very very best to see him again.
Please help me.
Yes, while you have spent the money and time into travelling half way around th world, by all means do go to his front door and meet him face to face. If he doesn't come to the door stay until he does. He may be experiencing any number of obstacles...he may be ashamed for you to see where or how he is living. He may have to take care of a disabled family member. He may only be saying that he doesn't love you and have a new g/f because he loves you enough to let you go. Not being able to financially support himself, let along you, he perhaps feels less than a man (although he shouldn't)but sometimes that is a big deal for men. He knows his situation better than anyone, so by saying 3 more months, he was just trying to let you know that he is still trying and not to give up on his efforts. Don't leave until you see him face to facce and work it out. I think he still loves you and just need a little help and a little more time.