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I am trapped in an abusive relationship

I am a regular 23 year old female. I have been with my boyfriend for few years. Our relationship began with gentle talks and was very romantic. Skip forward two years later our relationship started to change. My boyfriend became more controlling, he didn't like my friends and wanted me to hang out with him specifically. He didn't like that I would occasionally visit my family. He feels that I don't find him to be important. During this time of our relationship I started to feel isolated and could not talk to others about what I was going through.

First my boyfriend was demanding then he became physically violent in addition to the name callings. It hurts me alot when he calls me from the "B" word to the "W" word because this is the only guy that I've been with and I dedicate my time and energy to him. Every time we get into an argument I get blamed at and I always apologize even though I know I'm not in the wrong. Apologizing has become a habit because I feel that if I would just apologize then things would be better again. I have been physically hurt from hair pulling to being punched in the stomach to threats. Sometimes he will apologize for having done this and says that he did what he did because I don't listen to him and only listens to violence.

My friends ask me why am I still in this relationship. I'm scared to leave this relationship. I'm scared of the things my boyfriend would do if I left him. I have tried to leave him before and it wasn't successful. I feel trapped in this abusive relationship. I can't talk to anyone about this because my boyfriend doesn't like it when I talk with my girlfriends. I keep all this to myself in a journal.

I want to leave this relationship but I don't know how. Leavin my boyfriend will be hard because I still have feelings for him but at same time I don't want to be controlled and get hit around. My boyfriend consistently says that this will be our last time together because he can't see himself having a future with me. Hearing this breaks my heart but I still run back to him after everything. My friend says that I'm like a dog chasing after a treat and doesn't know when to stop. I feel really hurt and stupid but am afraid to get hurt even more if I leave this relationship.
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First Helper lovver
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replied August 11th, 2011
i have been where you are..i knw how you feel..ive been through it all!!! they never change..my ex broke my collar bone n i stayed..he never changed it just got worse..do you wanna end up dead? or paralyzed for life?? leave him..my ex of three years left me n it was the bst thing he ever did for me!!! im freeeeee no more abuse!! no more name calling no more being afriad..im free!! im 24 and beautiful to live my life as i wish..please get out b4 u get hurt..he doesnt love you, and hell probably end up leaving you and anyway thts how they are..they move on n abuse the next..dont worry about him being happy..he wont be..just love you!!
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replied September 16th, 2011
Hi,

Thank you so much for your reply. I don't knnow how you finally left your relationship but right now I want to be able to do what you did. I need courage to stand up for myself. I feel so stressed and overwhelm. Life is hard as it is with school but my relationship with my boyfriend is not getting better, things have gotten worse. I wish I could just leave him and things will be good.

My boyfriend and I argue about every other day. He tells me this will be our last year together and then he never wants to see my face again. He tells me everyday that this is our last year together. It hurts to hear this everyday. He says he doesn't love me and doesn't mean anything but then later tells me he loves me. He will say and do a lot of things just to hurt me. He tells me that he is sorry to have known me, I am the worst person he's ever known, he will never forgive me for the things I done to him, and that I have wasted his life. I wish he could see life from my perspective. If he thinks I've wasted his life, I feel that I've wasted so much of my time dedicated to him even after the punches, threats, and name calling.

Today we got into an argument. He says because I am wrong and doesnt want to argue with me, he does not want to see my face again until next week. And if from now on I do stupid things then he will extend that period longer. He doesn't care.

At times I tell myself I hate him. I hate how he treats me and I want to leave but he has my life at his grip. He can do anything to hurt me and I'm afraid to say anything or do anything. I have spoken up before and when my boyfriend found out, he hit me and told me to shut my mouth. He said because of what I had said about our relationship he cannot do the things he wanted to do.

I just want to end this relationsship on good terms. I have come to the point where I have accepted the fact that when the year ends then we'll go our separate ways. Until then I just want things to be good, I don't want arguments and blames. I want to live normally again without fearing him or wondering what he could do to me or my family. He's threatened to do things to my family before because he said I did 'this and that' which had affected his family.
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replied June 20th, 2012
I feel exactly the same way. But to be honest with myself I don't even love him. I think he's stupid and that's the way he acts the way he does because he can't process anything with his tiny brain do he acts out in violence. I am a very smart and pretty girl and I deserve much better. He can't even keep a job and it's obvious that others at his workplace etc. can see how dumb he is. I try to just ignore things and keep things bottled up. My family who I am very close with has no knowledge of how he really treats me. He constantly calls me names and put me down and threatens me and he is the lowest scummiest person I've ever met in my entire life. I have been in a few other relationships and never have I been treated this badly. I don't even enjoy having sex with him it disgusts me. I am disgusted with myself for being with him but when I left him before I couldn't handle the break up I feel weak. I was sick to my stomach and I feel like an idiot because I have a wonderful family and I feel so detached from them. I just want my life back and I want to be happy but I need help and I don't know where to turn to because I can't do a lot of things for myself and I feel unable to leave him.
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replied June 26th, 2012
I'm also in this situation...I stopped every communication we had..cp,fb,chat,seeing each other..I hope this would work..he is posting my private pic until now cause I didn't agree about the deal that he want to see me and have sex while her gf still in London, he just want someone to use..I love him even that but hes mind is unstable..I wanna helped him but it was me who get perish so I decided to cut off everything..I don't want that kind of situation having two gf's I cant agree with it..I hope GOd would help me to forget this man specially the shame he cost me..
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replied June 28th, 2013
I was there too. Dont mistake feelings for dependancy and lack of esteem. What would you say to your mum or sister if they were in your situation. I didnt think I could do it. I thought it was my fault and his upbringing. Nup. He was a man and had a mental prob. Life is too short. Love yourself.....it is and you are worth it.
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replied March 16th, 2014
I am in this situation. I just dont know where to turn. i hve lost all of my friends and i ave no one to console in. im sat in our livingroom after being humiliated by him in front of his friends. i cant speak for weeping. I have been with this guy for a long time, and its gettin worse all the time. i feel completely humiliated and i know everyone is talking and knows what i fool i am. i dont know where to go or what to do anymore. i dont love myself right now i even started to think hes right, i was a well known manager in the local town and did so much good for so many people. why is it that my own advice i have lived by and preached to others the last thing i can think to do? what has happened to me?
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replied March 17th, 2014
Honey, I challenge to re-evaluate that you want to end the relationship on good terms. This is a dangerous person; one doesn't end a relationship on "good terms" with a dangerous person. One runs like the wind away from that person.

The first thing you should realize is that you have been programmed by this miscreant. The second thing you should realize is that the longer you stay, the longer it's going to take for you to reclaim your "self." Nothing is worth staying a day longer.
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replied March 17th, 2014
Community Volunteer
Hi oxo202...If someone brings you to this place in life then there is something wrong with the relationship...A partner should build you up...Make you feel like a Queen...Love you no matter what your fault...

My best advice is don't let life beat you up...If you have to start over then do it...The most important thing being "be happy"...My best to you....

Caroline...
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