I am 13 and I am not allowed to talk, touch, speak, or even look at boys. I never had a boyfriend in my life. I am the second oldest in my family and everyone looks at me for things. I am everyoneâs walking diary. My oldest sister is lazy. My other sisters are crazy and lazy they donât do anything. My mom is never home. I stay at home babysitting my sisters other peopleâs children cooking breakfast lunch and dinner. And itâs not like my friends, for dinner they may soup with a sandwich or something. For dinner I have to cook a full course meal every night. I do laundry; I clean the whole entire house. I want a baby so bad I want a boyfriend I am home schooled and next year I will be in high school I want to go to real school. I want a BABY!! I have 3 jobs were I can take care of it, I know about a business where if you are in need you get free clothes, food, shoes every thing and another business where if you are backed up in bills they pay up to like $300 for you and if you need things they give you a certain amount of money. I can do it I just want a baby to take care of. I know its more than just the cute face I have dealt with it before. I work in a daycare I have a weekend day care. I have babysitted babies over night I know how it is to have to get up in the middle of the night. I wake up at 4:15 in the morning and most of the time I will stay up until 12:00 midnight and sometimes I may go back to sleep for an hour. My mom thinks I am depressed and my doctors say I am in denial. My grandmother/best friend died her mother (which I had become close to when she died) Died years after that I miss them. Both of my real grandfathers are dead. I barely go anywhere except to the store, and back. I need help what should I do?
your a child.
children should not raise children.
you have your whole life ahead of you and will be missing out on so much if you have a child now.
your not allowed to date, yet if you do, you want to suprise your family with the news of being pregnant! that does not in any way show responsibility and that you are in any way ready for a relationship.
you should remain relationshipless until you are fully mature.
these things that you do, they are called chores and helping your family out, because there is a recession going on in our world today where times are hard and families need a 2 income household.
i find it EXTREMELY hard to be lieve that a 13 year old works. You have school work to do. And i have NEVER heard of an over night day care..if i did, i would not want a 13 year old watching my child because this is crucial bonding time for the mother and baby.
Baby sitting, and having your own child are TWO DIFFERENT THINGS.
I had to baby sit my 4 siblings from the time i was about 11 years old. My mom and dad had to work to support us, they worked damn hard for the things had.
Do you really want to rely on the govornment to support your child? Your future child would just barely get the things he or she needs, and would miss out on alot. I would never want to rely on another source of money to raise my child. Your pretty much saying, even if i cant afford stuff, someone else will get it for me, which is being lazy. if you had a baby, YOU are responsible for him or her, not someone else.
It definately sounds like you are depressed and are wanting something to call your own and love because maybe you feel like youve lost something or some love after these two grandparents dying. I really think you need to see a counsellor. Moms usually know best.
I am 19 i have an 8 month old son. I in no way planned to be pregnant. But I and my boyfriend could afford to raise a child with our savings and jobs, WE support our child. Not our families, not the govornment WE do.
The fact that you are already thinking of relying on someone else to raise and support your child financially shows that you are not ready and immature. You have not thought this through at all. All you care about is your want-to have a baby. You are not looking at thw whole picture.
Your 13, a child yourself, your body is not even fully developed and you could really damage your body if you had a baby now, you cannot afford a baby because of the fact that you are wanting to rely on the govornment to support him or her, you baby sit, that is not parenting, your young, your not done school and do not even have a high school diploma...what do you have to offer a child!? they need more than just love. A child costs about $40,000and keeps going up as that child gets older..that is alot of money.
Talk to your parents about this want of yours and how you so badly want a child. See if there accepting of this. I mean if you feel so ready to have a child, then why not tell them right?
You already are complaining about all the things that you have to do, cooking, cleaning, baby sitting siblings and other kids...do you think thats all going to go away after you have a baby? NO WAY! it will be even harder! You will have to tend to an infant night and day everyday, with no days off, almost no sleep or free time. You will have to clean after that baby, feed that baby, do chores and all. Parenting is a full time job 24/7.
Your young, have your whole life ahead of you and will be missing our on so much. i miss being a regular 19 year old all the time, but if i do not wake up and take care of my child no one else will. he is my responsibility.
Talk to your parents about how much work you think you do, and thatyou want a bit of a break. Talk to them about getting involved in some sort of activity, dance, gymnastics, hockey, soccer whatever, so you can bond and make friendships with other girls your age so you can go hang out with them and watch movies and do regular 13 year old stuff. It sounds like you are bored, depressed and feel like you have no one to talk to, or feel like you have no one to talk to. Having a baby is the last thing you want to do. Really think about what i have said, this is not a small situation you are wanting to get into, its a life long one and one that a child is not ready for.
I agree with Thoumas. By not allowing you to mingle with boys your parents are hindering your normal development and not allowing you to be a normal 13 year old. Make friends with both girls and guys your own age, and see what being a normal teenager is like.
The last thing you need is a baby. There is no merit in flushing your dreams, hopes, and LIFE down the toilet just so you can get to play mommy. Makes some friends, get counseling, and if it comes to it, call child services.
always taking care of someone. i agree with the above postings. you should mingle with other people. i m afraid when you get out there you might be like a wild person.
im 32 and my son is 13. it is no joke! i have to deal with the attitude age.
you need to live your life, you are very young. having a child is like being sentence to 20 years of servicing this person.
i love my son, but i cant wait until he grows up and get out!!!!!!lol
ive explained all that to her in PM's.
pretty much, she has it set in her mind what she wants to do.
and for her to say it all will just fall into place, be easy, the stress will be gone and she will have what she wants out of life, a child to love, is crazy.
she will still be doing the same things that she is doing now, by babysitting her siblings, she will still need to feed someone, clean something, put something away, be up all night sometimes and more.
she cannot adjust or get used to the chores and things she is doing at home, yet she is ready for a child.
it says alot for someone who, is not yet allowed to date, but when that time comes she'll get pregnant!
that does not show maturity or responsibility in being able to handle a relationship when she is of age to date.
she should meet new friends, but i dont think she wants to address this to her parents. so, how could the whole problem be solved...
my mom was forced to drop out of school in the 6th grade to help her mom take care of her 6 siblings.
this women raised her siblings, and she is so motherly to her 4 kids, she is motherly to her gand kids.
she has a reputation of always taking care of someone. if she's not doing what she love, babysitting....etc.
she is always in a relationship taking care of a man. she's been divorced twice,and it doesnt take her long to find a man.
She has never been alone. she's in a process of getting out a relationship now, and we all know she'll be back in one soon. cooking and cleaning for someone.
we tell her she needs a break, but being by herself is outside her comfort zone.
i hoping this is a phase. there is so many fun things to do in this world, a baby does slow you down. if she doesnt change her mind, then i guess she would have to learn from experience.
i hope it is a phase too.
i mean the reality has not sunk in for this girl.
all the risks that could go hand and hand in her getting pregnant yet...i cannot even imagine..
its ashame that her parents do not allow her to make more friends, or have a social life, but its also up to her to say something and speak up.
i mean a local community activity booklet gets delivered to my door free of charge each year, there are thousands of activities that kids can get into to occupy their minds, plus we live in the year 2009, we have a computer to look up activities in our communities...this girl could do the same, and ask if she could get involved to make friends her age, and do regular 12 yr old girl stuff every now and then on week-ends to keep her mind active and focused on something else other than having a child.
we all have and do things in life that we do not enjoy doing all the time. but thats life. we cannot enjoy everything that comes our way, sometimes you just have to grin and bare it. its not easy, but its what we all, young and old have to do. and poping a baby into the picture does not make anything less stressful/easier.
i pray this is just a phase, and i would hate to be a fly on the wall if she does stick to her plan and gets pregnant by the first guy she is allowed to date..that shows no sign of readyness for a mature relationship..
The very fact that this child wants a baby at 13 years of age is proof of her immaturity. She is being unfairly taken advantage of by her parents if she has to do all the work and her sisters don't do their share, but I can understand their attitude in not letting her out if she is hell-bent on getting pregnant. If she was my daughter I would not only take her to the doctors but also for counselling by a psychologist. The poor child needs to be saved from herself. When she is 20 she will be glad that she was prevented from having a baby so young. It is so sad that she is so desperate for love that she would even consider going with any boy just to conceive a child. I really hope that she gets the help she needs.
i blame her parents!
her responsibility is very heafty, and she is doing grown up things, and she should not. what is there left to do.
my niece had to iron her clothes, do her hair, wake herself up to go to school when she was 9 years old b/c my sister would sleep all day because she was addicted to and antidepressant. so my niece was force to grow up fast, her thought process is different, she she's more mature than the other kids her age.
i blame my sister, my niece attitude scares me b/c what the kids her age is doing is boring to her.
i was afraid she would get pregnant fast b/c she had to grow up fast.
reading the teens forum, a lot of young people want babies like their teddybears.
this 13 year old needs to do things a normal 13 y.o does. i blame her mother for not creating that enviroment for her.
i dont necessarily put all the blame on the parents.
i mean obviously they play some factor here, but if she does not talk to them about wanting more interaction with kids her age or getting in to an activity of some sort, how can the problem be solved?
i had chores to do at her age, i was babysitting my 2 brothers at age 12, and sometimes -when iwould go to my dad's house i would baby sit my 2 sisters[half and step] and 2 brothers.
i had chores to do like load the dishwasher, help prepare dinner if my mom and step dad were coming home a tad later than they expected, i had to bring my laundry down to the basement to be washed, sort out the colours, clean my room, do my homework, sometimes walk to school with my brothers because the school was right around the corner. i really do not think that this is so bizzare or out of the ordinary for other children at 12+ to be doing.
They are getting to that age where they can either show that they can handle more responsibility, or cannot handle it. Obviously she cannot.
I knew alot of other children when i was 12 that did the same things as me, or a little more.
Which is why, i dont put all the blame on the parents.
But, they might be more concerned with a job, other children who are younger and not notice fully how their daughter is feeling. Or maybe she could be keeping to herself most of the time, and not saying how she really feels. Parents aren't mind readers.
I have also noticed that a fair amount of young girls are writing in that they want or are ready to have a baby. And again, i dont think that this want is all the parents fault either.
Its become alot more acceptable to have a child at a young age, or 'not a big deal' in young peoples minds.
Children are wanting to grow up at a much faster rate, thinking that 14 years old is old! and 12 years old and sometimes under are having relationships too, and grade 5's are being pressured into doing sexual acts.
And again that is not the parents 100% fault.
Yes some children grow up in dysfunctional families or families who have that 'free to be you' attitude which children tend to abuse if giving too much freedom, and how they behave can rub off onto others.
But not too long ago, we had 16 year olds planning out their pregnancies in boston, and feeling upset when they did not get a positive read on a pregnancy test.
Children these days think parenthood is a bog game.
Sometimes they dont agree with how their parents punish them, and want a child to spite them or to say, 'when im a parent i will let my child have more freedom that you gave me!' just so they can have something to love, cherrish and give a better childhood, when theirs was not that bad to begin with.
Yes this girl has an odd family life.
And yes her parents are partly to blame.
But she does not want to go to counselling, she refuses to tell people the truth, even to people who could help her, so maybe the parents have tried counselling but got nowhere because she wont open up.
She thinks it is acceptable to have a child at a young age because others in her community are doing the same.
So its really monkey see monkey do.
At 13, no kid really wants to be apart of their parents life, but she has no choice. She is home schooled. But perhaps she will not open up to her parents and they want to help her but she just shuts down in front of them and says nothing.
Saying nothing will not solve things.
She is a child! You only get to be a child once and I don't believe a child should have to do adult things. Chores are one thing, but she is not allowed to have a social life and is obviously not getting the love she needs and that is why she wants a baby. She only wants the baby because she is looking for someone to love her. She feels alone because she has all of these adult responsibilities and no compassion. We all know that a baby is certainly not the answer. I'm a middle school teacher and I have seen the effects of tweens who go home to nothing but responsibility and work. They eventually rebel and when they do get out there, boy oh boy. This girl is homeschooled and has no social life with kids her own age. Wanting a baby is like a child wanting a puppy. I would advise her to seek help from a counselor at school, but she doesn't even go to school. Hopefully when she goes to a real high school next year life will change for her. She needs to speak to her parents about her siblings helping out so she doesn't have all the responsibility herself. Her parents need to realize that we have child labor laws in this country. It's one thing to help take care of your own siblings if your parents have to work, but why is she responsible for all these babies? I think she is being horribly taken advantage of.
i agree with 19yearold.
sometimes people will exadurate their situation to make it look or seem 10x worse that what it is.
or even the littlest of chores they maximize to 20 tomake it seem like they have it so rough.
to her, maybe going dishes, helping prepare dinner and babysitting is an extreme.
yes the parents should realize that this is a little much for her, yet i find it really really hard to believe that she does not recieve any help from her older siblings. she after all is not the oldest, and i am sure that her older sister does not just sit on her butt laughing it up and doing nothing while she 'does it all'
yes this could and is a cry for attention, yes it is unfair that she has no social life, but to be 100% honest, if i were her parent, i would be pretty pleased that she does not associate with any boys at the moment, or some girlfriends because a lot of young kids these days are in a rush to have sex, grow up and the want for a baby has maximized.
this is not to say, if i had a daughter i would keep under house arrest either.
the parents should at least enroll her in some activities to do with girls her age, but hey, we all do not 100% know the situation and do not know if it is even true.
I do not think the tasks that she does in her house hold are so bizzare and unheard of or fair, i bet my right arm that she does indeed have assistance from her older siblings and parents, but feels like what she does is "so much" when it might very well not be much at all, and feels so angry and outcasted because of the fact that she is home schooled and has not too many friends, and thinks this-having a child-will bring forth more attention her way.
we've all exadurated a situation in our daily lives at one point in our lives or another, who is to say she isnt either.
my mom had a lot of responsibility on her shoulders when she was younger too, she had to bring home nothing lower than a A from school, had to have dinner ready and on the table before her parents got home, had to study every single night, got to watch tv ONLY on week-ends for about an hour or sometimes 2 hours, had to do dishes, had to be home by midnight, and had that same time to be home even when she was engaged to my dad and in her 20's, still had to be home by midnight!
she was abused by her older brother, she had few friends, did not get into trouble, and guess what, she did not have that want of a child at a young age, she did not have a teen pregnancy, she was successful, worked hard, and to this day works hard for the things she has. even after all shes been through, she survived and grew from those experiences and did not give up on herself.
kids these days think they have it so rough when they have things fed to them on a silver plater. they really need to think back or look back at how hard people had it years ago, and what REAL struggles are like rather that doing some simple chores to help out around the house, and rather than complain about what they feel obligated to do even though its not a big deal.
my 13 year old son told me that 'he will never treat his kids this way'
he has to wash dishes and take the trash out. it's only him and i, so not so much dishes. but in his head i m a horrible mommy for making him do this.
Hmmm, might not be a good idea to compare the children of today to children a generation ago. Remember that in those times, they did not treat black people or women well either. We should want whats best for our children, and teaching them that life can suck at a young age is sometimes not the best course of action.
I agree with a lot of things being said here. Yes, our lives are different than they were a couple of generations ago. In some ways it's more difficult and some ways it is easier. There is a difference between teaching them that life sucks from an early age and asking them to do some simple chores around the house, like taking out the garbage and loading the dishwasher to learn some responsibility. Kids may have better toys today and computers, etc. but I think life in general can be very stressful with broken homes, parents working a million hours, the economy, etc.
let's keep in mind she is only 13 years old. she is still very young, innocent,immature. and we talked alot about chores when that's not the issue at hand.
she spoke about programs for poor people that will help you with food, clothes, shoes, and pay some of your bills.
i had to used these programs once in my life and it is no picnic struggling.
I agree we have kind of gotten off topic. Her problem is more than just being left with too many chores, but wanting a baby and willing to survive with government programs to care for the baby. She is obviously too young and immature to even think of wanting a baby but unfortunately she wants one. According to research, when young teens want a baby it is usually because they want something to love and love them back. They are really too immature to look at the whole picture, but the instant gratification they would get from the idea. We don't really know enough about her parents to make assumptions. As a parent and a middle school teacher, I know that teens can sometimes exaggerate quite a bit. I'm not saying that she is exaggerating about her situation, but she could be. I suggestion to this young girl would be to tell her parents how she is feeling about all of her responibilities and wanting a baby. My concern is that she has no social life and is home-schooled. This leaves her with not many adults other than her parents to depend on for help.
hey, if there is anyone in this world you can and should go to for help, guidance whatever, should and could most definately be her parents.
they might be overwhelmed with their younger children, the stress of the economy and all and she might not be open with them as to saying and showing how she feels.
i know i kept mostly to myself when i was around her age, i was not as open with my family as i was with my friends..this might be her case here too.
and i would think it is, seeing as her parents have suggested counselling and she rejected that idea because of the fact that she does not want to be open and tell everything, like her wanting a baby etc.
if she is not wanting to get this out in the open, i do not think she would say how she feels to her parents either.
it seems like her parents are stumpt as to what they should do, she wont budge or open up and talk to them, so what else are they to do?
she hasnt replied on here in a month and a little more, either she has ignored our responses, is too hard headed and stubborn to come to a realization that a child will not fix things, or she will learn the hard way.
and Nick 157, my mother was not born in the time of slavery or unequality for women, so i do not think my comparision is way out there years and years ago.
if you would like another one, one of my teachers told us about one of his best friends that he went to school with, his best friend was abused and raped by her own father every single day while she was growing up, and she was too afraid to tell someone. she grew up, got a very good source of education and degree, married a successful man, they are both wealthy, happy, she was going to make a court hearing about her father raping her all these years, but he went a little crazy, does not leave the house and is determined that aliens roam the earth, so he has tinfoil all over the house, she figured he is already living in his own hell/jail, and let things be.
here is a person who, throughout all the pain suffering depression, tramatic encounters and terrible childhood, made something of herself and did not give up on herself.
that to me, is a real problem rather than doing chores.
and this girl and my teacher were not born in the time of slavery or unequality for women either.
this girl needs to speak up, focus of other things rather than spending so much time fantacizing over this want of a child.
get into drawing, its an imaginative activity, you can do it at home, consumes alot of time sometimes, can help release stress, depression...do something productive with your life.