Depression Forum - I am pregnant and alone

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Q: I am pregnant and alone

asked by: cantsmile on January 21st, 2009

New User

So I feel like my life has been turned into one huge soap opera in just 6 months. In August my fiance was arrested and is now being indicted for bank fraud of almost 30 million dollars. He has been in jail ever since and will probably be for some years to come. Before that happened I was living quite comfortably with out a care in the world. I was in great shape, I had the love of my life and money was never an issue. NOW..... I am living on food stamps, struggling to make rent, I have no job, no fiance and to top it off I AM 6 MONTHS PREGNANT.

I found out I was pregnant while visiting my fiance in jail. It seemed to be a blessing at first and made me feel closer to him. Now it seems only to be the biggest burden of my life. I can't find anyone who will hire me. I am relying on others around me to support me. My family isn't well off financially and is really struggling themselves. My fiance's family is trying but they are dealing with quite a bit too. I just don't know where to turn.

I feel like giving up. I love my baby and I love my fiance. They are my world. I just find it extremely difficult to get out of bed. I cry almost every moment of every day. I feel betrayed. I feel lost. I am not ready to do this all alone. I have no idea when my fiance will be coming back to me and I just want to give up. The only person I want, I can't have and it's his fault I'm going through this. I have so many emotions but all I can do is cry. what do I do?

Replies(4)

cablock69

replied on January 21st, 2009

New User

What do you do? You cry. It is ok to cry, it is ok to feel lost, hurt and hopeless. Then you calm yourself down, get a sheet of paper and a pen, and start to write down everything you need... money, roof over your head, food, medical care for you and your baby, etc. Make another list of all of attributes, talents, and skills. Go on line and search for "work from home" jobs, and start applying. Also look for government grants, and start applying. Call a local medical clinic and see if they offer any free pre-natal services, as well as emotional support groups (local hospitals may have listings). And yes, you can cry again... but you don't give up on yourself. You're a smart girl - smart enough to come here looking for help, maybe some encouragement. Don't doubt your abilities. Smile

cantsmile

replied on January 21st, 2009

New User

I'm just so scared of failing. I am going through the steps. I got health insurance through the state. I am waiting for other state assistance I've applied for. I think my deep sadness comes from the loss of Mike. He was taken away so suddenly I feel like I'm grieving his death when in actuality he is just in jail. I'm horrified of being alone. I'm so emotionally drained all the time. All I think about is him and how long he will be away from me. I don't ever take the time to find any joy in having a beautiful baby.

Thank you. It's nice for someone to finally tell me that it's okay to cry.

cablock69

replied on January 21st, 2009

New User

Failing is not the end of the world - neither is jailtime - neither is being scared. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, has failed at something. But at this juncture, you have not failed, you are just scared and faced with a tremendously stressful situation that seems out of your control. Somethings are out of your control, like Mike's situation... but even that will resolve itself one way or another. I say this to you most sincerely, try your best not to worry about what is out of your control - invest your energy in those things that you can impact - you, your baby, your situation... and don't beat yourself up for feeling what you feel! You are allowed, always, to have your emotions regardless of what they are - don't ever feel bad because you are sad or scared or anything else, this is what makes you human. I'll keep you, and Mike, and your little one in my thoughts. Smile

sadeveryday

replied on March 25th, 2009

New User

I have to add a little cliche here "in can always be worse" only because I completely understand some of what you are feeling and yet, my situation truly is worse. I recently lost my fiance to an unexpected death the month we found out I was pregnant. I understand your emotions. I too cry every day. I'm depressed and I too only find myself thinking about him every second of every day and unable to feel joy or happiness about the baby. I do believe this will come though. It's a really hard situation - both yours and mine but remember that your Mike (my fiance was also named Mike) will eventually return. He is not gone forever. You may have to go through some years by yourself but eventually your baby will be able to meet his/her father and you can have that potentially happy family, while it may not be right now. Keep that in mind. I would rather know there could be a maybe, than know he's gone forever, never to hear his voice again, see a smile or even frown on his face, hold his hand. To know he'll never get to see or hold his baby and his baby will never get to physically experience the greatness that was his father. There is hope for you, your baby, and your fiance. Focus on that.

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