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I am lonely and depressed (Page 1)

Hi there.

I am 20 years old and never had gf or sex,and never been kissed I fell really lonely and depressed all the time.I am really honest and good with everyone but almost everyone useing me and they always throwing at my face.I am trying to relax myself by doing some stuff but its hopeless over and over again i getting flashback how girls rejected me and make fun with me.Every girl that i really liked they told me that they look at me just like friend and like a "brother" This words really put me down,its feel like everytime u feel earthquake under you feet.People will tell me "You need to have more positive thoughts and have more confidence" How can someone have those things when all the time was rejected and etc.Probaly they have those things because they arleady got gf and they know what do to with them.I also have one girl that i really love her,but she is my friend and like she going to say i am her "favourite brother" She is really attractive and btw she is a model.Everyone love her,and every 2 months she has new boyfriend.I never know when she is available.I asked her to go out with me to see her because we didnt see each other a couple of months and she said me will going to see some day or we going to talk about that.She always saying this because she dont want to go out with me.

I want to die,I think i dont belong her.Its too hard to keep my head up.
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First Helper JavaMissus
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replied April 17th, 2009
You might want to be careful about saying you want to die on forums like this. Although a select few, like me, understand the difference between wanting to kill oneself and just wanting to die, if you say that on sites like this you will get blasted with condescending advice to not kill yourself, you have so much to live for, blah, blah, blah. So everyone, let's not bug the guy about that. I'm pretty much in the same boat as you, but I'm gonna try to use my experiences to help you.

I'm guessing you may have a problem with getting too hung up on one particular girl too soon. Until recently I had only had little crushes on girls. But then I met this one at work and I was like "Oh my God she's awesome, this definitely feels like more than a crush, I've never felt anything this powerful before, blah, blah, blah." But I've decided now that she's not really into me, and, looking back, I'm really not so sure what I saw in her (I think it was just her butt and my mind tricked me into believing it was more than that). But I think God put her in my way to teach me not to get too hung up on one particular girl, and that there are plenty out there. This experience inspired more good things out of me too, like taking better care of myself and getting over bad events in my past.

This girl calling you her "favorite brother" is a very bad sign. She has already filed you under the dreaded "platonic pals" zone, and once here, there is virtually no escape. It is possible to get moved to "romance potential", but it takes a long time and it is a fairly rare event. You could probably meet and woo a completely new girl with far less effort. If you think you like her enough or women are in short supply where you live, go for it, but I think looking for someone new would save you much mental anguish and frustration. With "my girl", I'm trying to mentally normalize my feelings toward her, but it's tough, because we men are cursed by our mental flexibility. Even if we consciously decide things such as this, our door is always open unless the girl just really treats you like crap.

If you want to see more about me, check out my thread "Never Had Girlfriend". I hope what I have said will help you, and good luck brother!
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replied April 17th, 2009
Community Volunteer
Don't go for the women that are the "unreachables"?....These are the ones to stay away from...Look for the more unattractive lonely girls...The ones that with a little fixing up could look like a queen...Look beyond your first look and see within her something that is missing...Maybe another lonely person...Stop reaching for the stars...Stay in your own backyard..

Everyone is not beautiful...It is just life...Yet saying this, you may be looking in the wrong places...Look from the inside out, instead of the outside in....Some of us are in hiding and waiting for a man like you to bloom....

Caroline
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replied February 28th, 2013
In the short term you should relieve yourself with sex workers. In the long term, we need to undermine the advantageous position of women in courtship. Women have the power to make sex free for some but priceless for others based on fairly arbitrary criteria. That power has financial value that more than justifies the male-female wage gap. Male competition with each other tends to increase the value of sex, whereas male cooperation in collectively instilling discomfort and fear in women tends to make sex more available. Next time you go to a club, aggressively grind on as many women as possible and insult the ones that reject you. Some might not resist. I have no qualms in advancing the interests of men at the expense of those of females in light of the grievous injustices men have suffered on account of custody and divorce law, affirmative action in the workplace and the overall permissibility of sexual manipulation and disregard of the burden of male sexual frustration. Today's woman has reached the epitome of selfishness, self-entitlement and unproductiveness on account of her expectation that male sycophants care for, protect and do dirty work for her.
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replied April 17th, 2009
Experienced User
To LonelyBoy
Well, I SWEAR BY GOD, the fact that you never had sex or a girlfriend does not really take anything away from the nice person that you are. Even I had NEVER had a girlfriend (forget about having sex). I have made a promise to myself and God I will never have sex until I get married. I have also promised I will make ONLY one girlfriend and she will be my girlfriend for the rest of my life (my life partner and wife as well). I want to be sexually pure until marriage (By the way, I am NOT saying you should follow me or be like me, you have the ABSOLUTE FREEDOM to lead your life the way you want it to). If girls are rejecting you that is not a problem and if they are making fun of you that is SOLELY their problem (not yours). There is no problem if girls treat you only as a friend or "brother". If they are treating you like a brother and if they really mean it, it is good, they have respect for you and do not have impure thoughts about you. Even if they are using the term "brother" as a tool to ignore you, you ignore them as well. It is as simple as that. You must have heard the proverb “Tit for tat”. Yes, you do need to think more positively and build confidence but not necessarily to make girlfriends, rather to make your life easier and not to be hung up to a girl. Well, I have never had a girlfriend but I have the confidence to lead my life. Yes, while it is true I also feel very lonely and depressed at most times but it is much truer that my loneliness and depressed feeling are not due to not having a girlfriend or something like that. My problems are mostly due to the trouble that I am facing in my academic performance and ever lasting crisis in my family. You are probably a far better person than the girls that you are getting attracted to. Don't be bothered by whether they like you or ignore you. There are simply too many other things in life to be bothered about. Try getting yourself more involved in sports, academics, and your family. Always have a beautiful smile in your face and always thank GOD for whatever he has given you. Someday, you will meet with the real girl of your life who will truly and purely love you (beyond physical attraction) and fill your life with joy and happiness. Then you will wonder and say to yourself, “Well, I have got such a nice person as my life partner and I, once, used to get mad for those girls who changed their boyfriend every two months, ridiculous!”. Concentrate on and work with the things that you have, not the things that you don't have (especially the things that are not really necessary). You are still so young! The whole life is waiting for you. Move ahead with life and enjoy it.
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replied April 30th, 2009
Supporter
your model chick..why would you want to be with someone like that...if she dated you...2 months later she will be finished with you, so its good to just be friends with her and stop trying to talk to her that way...you could make her feel uncomfortable for not feeling the same way.
i've been in battle with depression for 18 years and i know what you mean about being negative b/c you feel bad.
you will find the right one and sometimes it happens when your not thinking about it. so keep yourself busy by going out church, clubs, hanging out with friends. dont allow anyone to use you honey under any circumstance.
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replied April 30th, 2009
Don't give up
Trust me dude...if those girls are going to treat you like crap then they shouldn't be with you. You don't want to die, your just tired of rejection. Sooner or later you'll find the right one. Whether shes down the street or 50,000 miles away. There's plenty more fishes in the sea, so don't give up. God has a plan. Just pray.
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replied May 1st, 2009
Experienced User
Nice Replies
I absolutely agree with deniseforte and AEM31021. Great replies!
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replied August 21st, 2009
To lonely boy,

The problem here isn't about the girls you know.

What we need to do here is to help you work on your issues and turn you from boy to MAN in as quickly as in a few minutes!

First of all, whether they are attached or not, lucky or unlucky, what your friends told you is 100%, absolutely TRUE.

You have to stay POSITIVE. Because it appears to them that you have been giving out negative signals. And girls hate that. Imagine yourself as a girl, how would you feel when you see a guy who's always giving out negative signals? Would you be attracted to him? Or would you be attracted to someone who is cheerful, upbeat and CONGRUENT with his feelings?

Now, you may be wondering what I mean by being CONGRUENT.

Have you ever seen plain Janes and simple Simons being at ease with themselves no matter how fat or ugly they may appear? And yet, they are attracting so many friends! Makes you wonder "Hell! How did they do it? I look better than them, I should be luckier!" doesn't it? Well, that's because they feel at ease with themselves, and the people around them can SENSE it. I'm sure that you'll agree with me because it's happening right now everyday - not so good looking guys getting romantically involved with pretty girls, not so good looking girls hitching up with better looking guys. That's because they are at ease with themselves and don't see themselves in negative light. They don't beat themselves up whenever things don't work out - which is part and parcel of life. True or true?

What you give out (as a signal) will always come back to you. Always remember that tip.

Secondly, build up your CONFIDENCE. TAKE ACTION. Go to a GYM. That's right, I strongly encourage you to workout 2 or 3 times a week if you haven't done it already. Live HARD, play strong! Taking up Martial Arts like Combat Tai Chi, Krav Maga or even MMA is a fantastic way to boost your confidence too - look them up on YouTube to find out more. Because when you tone your physique, your mind will naturally change too. And when your mind feels good, your body will feel good and vice versa. Oh extra bonus points, if you take the effort to groom yourself - get a new hairstyle, dress well, look good (THIS IS OPTIONAL because yes, looks aren't everything but if you could get MAJOR results by making a few MINOR changes, wouldn't it be fantastic? I mean hey, I'm sure you'd find it easy to invest less than 50 dollars to get some cool new tees, jeans, and a spunky new haircut, can't you?).

Better still, if you have the money, take up a self-improvement course or pick up a new skill that you feel you'd excel at. Join clubs and interest groups, be active, be ON THE MOVE! Don't become a stay-at-home dweeb - the male species were never created to hide in their caves. We are hunters, unless you're not a man. Now, here's a little jealously guarded secret: Girls love guys who are multi-talented and good at doing the things they love. If you feel you're lousy at something, take action to BE GOOD at it.

More IMPORTANTLY, be CONGRUENT. Align yourself with Life's higher purpose - What you want, what you think and what you do are one. Help more people, be sincere BUT don't be sincere just because you want to impress someone. You will NOT get what you want by being an actor. Be sincere because that's what life's higher purpose is all about - to make a positive difference in someone else's life or be the change the world needs.

As for the girl who treated you like a brother? Forgive her. Be happy for her if you sincerely love her. Let go. Move on. Greater success is waiting for you elsewhere. Like they say, "OUT WITH THE OLD, IN WITH THE NEW!"

Work on your self-improvement. Be the type of MAN that YOUR ideal girl wants. One who is learned, mentally strong, nice to others and positive!

Not some emo lonely boy!

You can do it.

How do I know?

Because I've walked down this exact same road before.

And remember this: You will never get the breakthrough results you want if you simply sit here and read blindly. I strongly urge you to wise up, get your feet up and start applying what you learnt in these few precious minutes

Give yourself 12 months (or even earlier) to become the perfect guy that your type of girl wants. You call the shots! And remember to make (and meet) more friends while you are at it. Because a great new product wouldn't get notice if it remains on the shelf unseen from the public.

The ball's in your hands now.

Question is, are you man enough to step up the next level?
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replied November 8th, 2009
Nah.. Take it from a guy who dated all the models...

Life isnt about dating models brother...

You will soon find out that looks fade.. And fast....

As life progresses, the pretty girls get older, get wrinkles and get old. They have children, become overweight, and generally dont care about their looks...

Point is this...

Find someone who has a "MODEL HEART"... Find a women who is beautiful from the inside... Not just the outside... The inside beauty is what will make you happy all of your short life.

To summarize.

Life is to short to be unhappy,

Everyone ages. Even model girls...

Most model girls let themselves go and age quicker

It is inner beauty that lasts a lifetime

Inner beauty will keep you happy.....

Cheers and have a wonderful life my friend!
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replied November 10th, 2009
Lonely, No Self-Confidence
I am 42 years old and suffer from loneliness and depression. I was verbally and emotionally abused by my older brother for the past 25 years. His wife now joins in and constantly makes fun of me. No one ever sided with me and the few times I fought back, I was yelled at. And yes, I'm 42!!! I have absolutely no self-confidence, and I hate being around people because I am always afraid someone is going to make fun of me. I've never been in a long term relationship, rather, I'm always the girl guys date while theyre looking for the girl they are going to marry. I've never had anyone in love with me. Not sure what being taken out on a nice date is all about. Dating to me has always been me ordering take-out food for whoever is coming over. I've never celebrated Valentine's Day. I take off that day from work every year because one year, i was the only woman in the office not to recieve flowers. By the end of the day, everyone was getting on the elevator to go home, and they were all carrying vases of roses. I will never forget the humiliation I felt, as I stood with all of them in the elevator, and I had no flowers. I've never recieved a birthday or Christmas gift from a boyfriend. I stay home alone constantly. I go to work, come home and go to bed. Most times, I go to the drive-in at McDonald's, order a lot of food and park in the back of the parking lot to eat it. I'm an emotional eater. I spend alot of time crying. My life will never, ever change. Loneliness and not having any self-confidence or self-respect are awful things.
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replied May 29th, 2012
I just wanted to say "DON"T GIVE UP". It is sometimes easy for people to give advise who have not "been there" like you have.

I have been there, woman "take it slow" with me and "fast with someone else". I have always cared too much and been a gentleman. It is sad when you meet the needs of others and they don't care about your needs, been there too many times.

One day, hopefully soon, you will meet someone that asks what your likes are, what your needs are.

Someone who will pull your chair out at a restaurant when you have dinner. Someone who will open a door for you and smile while you pass through.

Somone who will open your car door and helps put on your seatbelt to make sure you are safe and locks your door for you.

Someone who will send you a rose with greenary every week at work, so when you look up from your desk you will now you are loved and so will everyone else in your office..........

Good Luck, your deserve it.
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replied November 29th, 2009
To Crying Girl,
My heart goes out to you. I actually teared up when reading your post.

... hang in there. ..sorry, that's all i can say. i hope somehow you feel the love i am sending to you. I hope it cheers you a little.

cyber hugs......and thank you for posting, your post did do something for me on a day when i was feeling so low.
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replied January 18th, 2010
I'm 18 and i've never had a girlfriend. I'm what you would call a nice guy... A listener. and girls just don't seem to be attracted to that. I've always been on the sideline giving emotional support to all the girls that i've ever had feelings for.. while I watched them date other guys. I've always been told that I'm an excellent friend and a sweet guy, but girls just don't want me. it hurts... and I always feel so lonely.. I don't want sex.. and I don't want a super hot girlfriend.. I just want someone that I can love and who will return that love. But it feels like I'm going to be alone my whole life.. the only solace I find is in music. All the posts on here are so beautiful and supportive. It really helps to know that there are other people that are feeling the same way that I am.
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replied February 24th, 2010
I know exactly how you feel except im a girl. Everyone in my life expects me to have a boyfriend, but no one i have ever met is interested. Im told im good looking but i feel terrible and i think it shows. Im 22 and i feel life is passing me by, and ive let it slip between my fingers. Its torture being lonely and isolated. I dont what to do. Im finding life very hard and difficult as it is without having to conform to society's 'norms'
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replied August 21st, 2011
SoSound you sound like someone really special. I am a guy and I am lonely. If you want to talk to me email me. I would love to chat with you. I think you are such a great girl and I never met you.
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replied April 21st, 2010
I understand these situations, especially TornWings - I''m the nice guy girls don''t want to date, and one girl I did date eventually got bored because I wanted more of an emotional connection and she was more interested in sex.
But, there''s a lot more to life than romance/sex. Activities like music, art, sports, yoga, and stuff can be great outlets for sadness and creativity. Also, many relationships end up causing more bad than good in people''s life. If you can conquer your primitive desire for the opposite sex you can find many more opportunities in life. Dedicate your life to something good, like volunteering, or mastering meditation. Look at many spiritual monks - they''re celibate and seem to be the most grounded, content people on earth.
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replied April 26th, 2010
LonelyBoy,

I agree with everyone- you surely don't want to die, you're just really lonely and sick of rejection.

I waited for the right one too. I didn't marry the first one I dated, or the second, or the third. Certainly not that 4th. So you see, I dated quite a lot- got my heart broken so many times- but I am glad I did. Because if not, I would not have found the person I am married to now. Just like what they said, you will find the right one.

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replied June 10th, 2010
lonliness
being lonely isnt easy, i suffer from it sometimes. sometimes you just want a companion, someone to talk to, someone to spend quality time with, as well as the romance sex and all that. and when confidence is low it is easy to feel down. and overthink. keep your chin up and focus on improving yourself as a being in this world.
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replied July 19th, 2010
LONLEY MESS
man everyone who posted a comment is soo nice and i get you guys alot i was molestered when i was a little girl by a family friend im 19years old now just got out of one mental relationship with a loser miscarried this year now single and trying to fix myself iv had soo many boyfriends in the past and wish i had found God eailier on in life im glad i dated all the wrong guys because im just happy being single i cry all the time in the dark go for walks to help me clear my head and am really really Anti Guys now being single is better you dont have to thinks of his needs his lies his whatever Im concerntraiting on myself i never stoped to think What about me! so just wait for that girl or guy to come into your life pray to god have good faith have beliefs dont doubt yourself stop thinking negativly LIVE THE SECRET ASK GOD WHAT YOU WANT! BELIEVE IT! AND YOU WILL RECIEVE IT! MY HEART GOES OUT TO EVERYONE LONLEY AND DEPRESSED GOD BLESS
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replied July 19th, 2010
LONLEY MESS
man everyone who posted a comment is soo nice and i get you guys alot i was molestered when i was a little girl by a family friend im 19years old now just got out of one mental relationship with a loser miscarried this year now single and trying to fix myself iv had soo many boyfriends in the past and wish i had found God eailier on in life im glad i dated all the wrong guys because im just happy being single i cry all the time in the dark go for walks to help me clear my head and am really really Anti Guys now being single is better you dont have to thinks of his needs his lies his whatever Im concerntraiting on myself i never stoped to think What about me! so just wait for that girl or guy to come into your life pray to god have good faith have beliefs dont doubt yourself stop thinking negativly LIVE THE SECRET ASK GOD WHAT YOU WANT! BELIEVE IT! AND YOU WILL RECIEVE IT! MY HEART GOES OUT TO EVERYONE LONLEY AND DEPRESSED GOD BLESS
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replied July 25th, 2010
Well now for the third time I'll try to post this comment. I know you're having a tough time bro, but there are many many out here like you. A woman could have one eye and a peg leg and some guy somewhere would want her. Granny porn, midget porn, fat porn, hairy porn. There is a desire for all kinds of women. But if you are average looking guy and have poor social skills, there is no girl that wants you. Men think sexually and women think socially. I was where you are once. After high school I was so angry I was almost Satanistic and suicidal. I'm surprised I didn't become a serial killer I hated so much. But one day I just said, "I don't hate life, I just hate my life" My favorite food, my favorite interest, ejaculating. Those are things I don't want to lose. I want those things. Life can be good, women are only some of it. You just got to go out and live it. Do the crap that you like and the women will come to you eventually. It's totally important that you find a girl into what you're into anyway. Sex is the main motivation for most relationships, that and attraction. But sex becomes boring and routine after awhile. I don't care what anyone says, or how beautiful the girl is, eventually it gets old. You need to find something that you have in common with your mate so when the sex dies you can do things that you enjoy together. Sure you can rekindle the sex thing, but having a certain interest together is going to pull you through the rough times. Remember everyone eventually gets old and unattractive. Now I'm sure it would be nice to be with a model, but most of them are superficial and pathetic. It's not something you want. Sorta like those Easter eggs that you blow the yolk out of. Beautiful on the outside, empty on the inside. You want something attractive inside and out. I don't want to say go for unattractive women, that would be stupid, you'd grow to see all the things that made her unattractive and hate being with her. You need attraction when the relationship is new, it's important. When you get old hopefully you'll be so in love that won't matter. Yet, maybe you could redefine what attracts you. Most woman have something that makes them attractive. Find that beauty and focus on it. This girl that attracts you that's a model, don't just throw away that friendship, all girls have friends, one day you might find the friend of hers that is right for you, maybe not but it's best not to burn bridges. If you're lucky she tells her friends what a good guy you are. That can be a plus to some women. Besides it's not her fault she's not attracted, you can't force love, it either is or isn't. Move on and find Mrs. right. Her loss right bud? When some abusive drunk boyfriend kicks the crap out of her you can say, "that wouldn't have happened with me" and smile. Just try to focus on what you like to do, have some fun and don't dwell on the girl thing. You're too young to worry about dying alone, leave that to us older guys. But I'm telling you no matter what your thing is, there's a girl that is into it. Eventually you will find her. Don't just sit at home dwelling on not getting the girl or you won't get her. If you need sex, get a hooker, but watch your back, wear protection, and don't fall in love, they only want the money. I know there are some whiny Christians that will hate that one, but they can go F themselves unless they want to loan out their wife. What, only the guys good at getting girls should get some? SCREW THAT!! Just have fun kid, you owe yourself that much.
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replied December 7th, 2011
So use her as a source & take enjoyment if she gets hurt?
"This girl that attracts you that's a model, don't just throw away that friendship, all girls have friends, one day you might find the friend of hers that is right for you, maybe not but it's best not to burn bridges. If you're lucky she tells her friends what a good guy you are. That can be a plus to some women. Besides it's not her fault she's not attracted, you can't force love, it either is or isn't. Move on and find Mrs. right. Her loss right bud? When some abusive drunk boyfriend kicks the crap out of her you can say, "that wouldn't have happened with me" and smile.

Read more: Single and Struggling Forum - I am lonely and depressed http://ehealthforum.com/health/i-am-lonely -and-depressed-t178613.html#ixzz1fqXAyCT9"

Seems like you still have a lot of hate in you.

Keeping the "friendship" only to use her as a source to get girls.

When a situation arises when she needs a friend aka the possibility she gets abused you take enjoyment in her pain smile & tell her it wouldn't have happened with me.

Quite interesting you pull out abusive boyfriend card since he posts that she dates & dumps for 2 months.

Guessing it's the whole nice guy...if she doesn't like me she likes to be abused mindset huh?

Or the nice guy mindset that if she rejects me she deserves to get beat however despite my ill wish & enjoyment of her pain I'd never treat her like that huh?
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replied September 6th, 2010
I am also the nice guy, i wish i had a girlfriend, i would listen to her all the time i would always want to be with her and help her with everything, but it seems girls either don't like guys like me or they just don't like me, i have never dated or kissed or anything,i have been told that i am good looking but i don't believe it, like i just want to know that other people care for me and think i matter and that i actualy mean something, but all i get i rejected back to reality when i gather the curage to ask a girl out, or told to F off, i just don't know what to do anymore, i have fell into depression about a month ago and have been battling it ever since, i am beginning to hate myself, and think i'm worthless, i don't want someone for sex or some selfish thing like that i just want someone to hold tight in the middle of the night, like too me love is pretty much the whole reason on which we are on this planet to love and to be loved, and i pretty much know i will always be alone, and that there is no one out there for me. This is the first time i have wrote or said what was deep down in my feelings, so i hope this makes any sense to the reader, and if you think you have any advice or anything please share.
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Users who thank minichopper for this post: 3pid 

replied August 21st, 2011
it is NOT your problem
minichopper and everybody, you are 100% right and the world is 100% wrong! they trample love to drawn in their perversion. how animalistic and sick. i had this same problem, or better say, THOUGHT it was my problem. it is THEIR problem and such relationships make miserable marriages later. i was so pissed that i had to register to reply, because so many lovely people suffers because of majority's twisted point of view. you will find someone who wills to LOVE like i found. God prepared someone for you! rely on Him and you will find her, you should try dating a Christian. But watch, true one, many profess Christianity but are fakes and wouldnt be ready to die for love. my beloved is true Christian, i am Christian too and we live to love... God is Love and He is yay. Bless you!!!
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replied March 14th, 2014
I wish you were in the UK,so we could go on a fun date and be friends.at least
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