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Hypersexuality & Threesomes

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My wife (now 40) is BP I with Psychotic episodes. First dx with BP in her teens. We've been together almost 12 years and married for 2 yrs (no kids). She has dealt with hypersexuality during manic and hypomanic episodes most of her life and common sense generally prevailed. Unfortunately, a couple of months ago she had an affair that became pretty intense and lasted a couple of months while I was away from home. It was her first affair and it ended when I confronted her about it. Now we're in couples counseling and trying to save the marriage. However, she says her hypersexual drive that ramped up a few months ago is still there. And she is sexting with a guy who approached her at Starbucks. This started maybe a week or so after we discussed her affair and agreed to seek help. She's been showing me the messages, so I know what's going on.

Both she and I have always had fantasies about indulging in group sex -- threesomes, foursomes, etc. --- but we've always kept it as part of our sex play fantasy over the years although there were 3 occasions when we broached the subject with either another man or a couple. None of those were realized. Now, though, she has been in a manic phase with enhanced sexual desire for several months and really wants to have a threesome with another guy. She realizes that this enhanced desire is a manifestation of her current hypomanic/manic episode, but she really wants to experience two guys at once.

So, where does this leave us? On one hand, I want to protect her and I believe it would be safer for her, and our marriage if I can channel her hypersexual desire in a "controlled" way. IOW, we pick out the partner or couple together and we all go to bed together. NO individual meetings, nothing happens unless I'm present. She gets two guys and maybe a gal as well. I get my fantasy fulfilled. And maybe it will be a good experience for all involved.

On the other hand, I have to ask myself if this is really a good idea. Especially now when it has only been three weeks since I confronted her about her affair. With the parameters we're setting I think the chance of her becoming emotionally involved again is small to nonexistent. But, if the sensual reality feels as good as the fantasy, will she wind up wanting more and more until she finally walks into a club and starts seducing every guy that looks good to her when an especially strong manic episode hits and I'm gone on an assignment and can't be here to satisfy her myself, channel her desire or protect her from a potentially bad decision. Because, frankly, another affair would be the end of our marriage.

She has admitted that the reality might not be as much fun as it is in fantasy. But she definitely wants to try it. Last night we looked at Casual Encounters posts on Craigslist and discussed the different guys and couples we saw posting there. I told her to make whatever contact she wanted, but to keep me informed.

The last thing she said was to the effect of, "I don't think it's a good idea to share this with our therapist. Because he probably wouldn't approve." I agree with that last part, he probably wouldn't approve. But I didn't agree not to share it, because what's the point of having a therapist if you are going to hide things from him?

So, is there anyone on this list who has been in this situation where you've tried to channel your partner's hypersexuality through controlled encounters? If so, please, I want to know how it worked out.

Thanks,

C
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