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Hymen and vaginal tightness

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Dear Doctor scared

Sorry but I have three separate questions that I need urgently and sincerely addressed by a trained doctor please.

Question 1:

My wife claims to be a virgin but yet on our wedding night I did not see any loss of blood which I was told should usually occur if her hymen has not broken.

Can her hymen be broken in any other way aside from penile penetration?

Such as if she was penetrated with a finger as I have done that to her before hand?

Or through vigorous exercise? Eg volleyball etc

And if her hymen did break, would she not have known about it? Would the blood loss be any more than say when she gets her period and would there have been considerable pain that she would have been aware of it being broken?


Question 2:

As mentioned above her vagina was very tight such that I could only stick 1 finger in fully whilst 2 fingers (widthwise) seemed to cause her pain.

Does this necessarily meant that she must be a virgin?

I know that she has had a previous relationship over a year ago which she claims was non- sexual. However my question is could it be possible that her vagina was larger then and got tighter now as she has not had penetrative penile sex for over a year. And maybe also because her previous boyfriend could have had a much smaller & thinner penis than mine? ( Note my penis is above average broad and moderately long)


Question 3:

Lastly I might add that although I penetrated her I did not go very deep and only did one or two/three thrusts as she was sreaming in pain. Would this be enough to break the hymen or could it be possible than her hymen is still intact until I penetrate her more fully and forcefully?

If I do this it is going to cause her a lot of pain so is there anything I can do to minimise her pain or is this just the way it is and she will just have to grind and bear it given its her first time?


Your sincere thoughts and comments is greatly appreciated.

I would appreciate it if you could please address each point.

Thank you so much!


Anxious 01
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replied March 26th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
Why are you doubting the sincerity of your wife? You do not always see blood when a woman loses her virginity. Yes, she could have ruptured the hymen prior to intercourse with physical activity. Horseback riding is one of the activities that can rupture the hymen. You could have ruptured it with your finger as well. If penetration was not deep enough you may not have ruptured the hymen. It may still be intact. Your wife was in distress during intercourse which is common when a woman has not had intercourse before.

Your wife does not need to just grin and bear it. You can do plenty to make the experience more pleasurable for her. Try some romance. A warm bath, candles, wine. These all help to relax her and put her at ease.
You can work your way up to the act of intercourse with foreplay. This will allow her to become naturally lubricated which will help with intercourse. Hand and oral stimulation are very helpful prior to intercourse. Buy some lubricant and have it available. This helps with penetration and will help with some of the pain. The vagina is a muscular organ. The muscles need to be stretched in order for penetration to be pleasurable. You may need to proceed as above for some time, not just the first time.

Most women need the romance and foreplay. We are not wired to just jump into intercourse. Most women find little satisfaction in the wham, bam method of sex. Spend some time with her. Show her your love by giving her a massage and working your way into the sex act. The more relaxed she is the better the experience will be for her.

There are many books about how to pleasure a woman. If you are not sure of how to pleasure her a book can offer many hints and tips on how to do this.

I hope this helps. I am not a doctor but a nurse and a woman.
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replied March 26th, 2008
Especially eHealthy
Re: First Time-Hymen and Virginal Tightness
You sound pretty uneducated about sex and female anatomy. Let me try to answer your questions as best I can.

Anxious01 wrote:

Question 1:

My wife claims to be a virgin but yet on our wedding night I did not see any loss of blood which I was told should usually occur if her hymen has not broken.

Can her hymen be broken in any other way aside from penile penetration?

Such as if she was penetrated with a finger as I have done that to her before hand?

Or through vigorous exercise? Eg volleyball etc

And if her hymen did break, would she not have known about it? Would the blood loss be any more than say when she gets her period and would there have been considerable pain that she would have been aware of it being broken?



There are many possibilities. She may not have even been born with a hymen. She might have broken it as a young girl running or playing, perhaps vigorous exercize, or inserting a tampon, or yes, your finger. Most women do not have intact hymens by the time they have sex. Similarly, most women do not experience bleeding the first time they have sex. This is a good thing, it means you weren't hurting her!

Anxious01 wrote:

Question 2:

As mentioned above her vagina was very tight such that I could only stick 1 finger in fully whilst 2 fingers (widthwise) seemed to cause her pain.

Does this necessarily meant that she must be a virgin?

I know that she has had a previous relationship over a year ago which she claims was non- sexual. However my question is could it be possible that her vagina was larger then and got tighter now as she has not had penetrative penile sex for over a year. And maybe also because her previous boyfriend could have had a much smaller & thinner penis than mine? ( Note my penis is above average broad and moderately long)


The tightness of her vagina has nothing to do with her sexual experience. It is more likely that she was nervous, scared, or in pain. A woman's vagina loosens, swells, and lubricates when it is aroused. If she is not aroused for some reason, because she is nervous or whatever, maybe there hasn't been enough foreplay or she's not "in the mood," she will feel tight and dry, and it will hurt if you try to penetrate her.

Anxious01 wrote:

Question 3:

Lastly I might add that although I penetrated her I did not go very deep and only did one or two/three thrusts as she was sreaming in pain. Would this be enough to break the hymen or could it be possible than her hymen is still intact until I penetrate her more fully and forcefully?

If I do this it is going to cause her a lot of pain so is there anything I can do to minimise her pain or is this just the way it is and she will just have to grind and bear it given its her first time?

Anxious 01


It hurt her for the reasons I stated above. Her body was not ready to be penetrated, perhaps she was afraid because she's heard it's supposed to hurt, or perhaps she wasn't in the mood, perhaps she was just nervous. Either way, this is why it hurt. It probably has nothing to do with the hymen, and you should NEVER be more forceful if she is in pain, you will hurt her. In fact, quite the opposite.

You need to first make sure she is 100% comfortable, turned on, and ready to have sex with you. If you do it right, it WILL NOT hurt her. Make sure she knows this. Use lots of foreplay across her whole body, not to mention her clitoris. If you don't know what her clitoris is, please look it up. You will need to know that!! It's very important. Make sure she is relaxed, kiss her whole body, use your hands, fingers, tongue on EVERY INCH of her. Don't leave any part out. When she is really ready and turned on, her vagina will be loose, lubricated, and ready to have pain-free and enjoyable sex.

PLEASE, PLEASE, don't ever just keep going if she is in pain. If it hurts, there is something wrong. Stop, fix it, and try again.

If sex is continuously painful for her, you NEED to get her to see a doctor.

Hope that helped.
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replied April 8th, 2008
Re: First Time-Hymen and Virginal Tightness
To Georgia59

Thank you for your response but please spare me your personal opinion. I was only interested in your medical opinion if in fact you are a doctor. Yes there is a lot I don't know about sex which is why I am on this F**** site as are most people here. So please spare me your personal judgement about what you think I should or should not know.

Yes I do know what a clitoris is and unlike some women themselves, I actually know where to find it!

What is it about women that they take everything so personally and become so defensive when it comes to their own gender?

I consider it highly chauvinistic pig of you to suggest that if a woman experiences painful sex than its all the guys fault coz he obviously has not done everything “right” to make the experience as “pain free” and pleasurable enough…like not making her feel comfortable enough , not getting her turned on enough ...not putting the right music on ...yada....yada...yada.

I mean for God's sakes when are women going to admit that they need to take some responsibility for their own sexual pleasure without expecting the guy to do all the work for them including knowing how they are feeling and thinking?

For your information we spent over an hour on foreplay and she was sopping wet and begging me to penetrate her when I tried to enter her and yet she experienced considerable pain.

I came to your website with a genuine need for some professional medical advice and yet I get is some flim flam, chauvinistic, female gender biased opinion.

Perhaps next time I should ask for a MALE doctor's opinion as at least I can be assured on more objectivity and less emotion!


A1
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replied April 8th, 2008
Especially eHealthy
Frankly, aside from my initial comment about how you seemed uneducated about sex, I don't think any of what I said was chauvenistic.
I'm really sorry if it came off to you that way.

Really, the only reason I was stressing your involvement is because I'm talking to you, not your wife. Of course I think she should also be more educated about her sexuality, of course this is not only your fault. And I am totally 100% for women taking charge of their sexuality and knowing more about their own bodies.

I made the assumption that you were not educated about female sexuality simply because many people on here aren't, and because you made the mistake of assuming her hymen was related to her virginity and that sex should be painful for women, at least the first time. this isn't true, and that's what I was trying to tell you.

And really, that's all I needed to know is exactly what you told me- if you spent time on foreplay, she was well lubricated, and all that, then the painful sex could be indicative of a medical condition and she should probably be seen by a well-qualified gyno.

respect
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replied April 8th, 2008
Active User, very eHealthy
Georgia59 wrote:
Frankly, aside from my initial comment about how you seemed uneducated about sex, I don't think any of what I said was chauvenistic.
I'm really sorry if it came off to you that way.

Really, the only reason I was stressing your involvement is because I'm talking to you, not your wife. Of course I think she should also be more educated about her sexuality, of course this is not only your fault. And I am totally 100% for women taking charge of their sexuality and knowing more about their own bodies.

I made the assumption that you were not educated about female sexuality simply because many people on here aren't, and because you made the mistake of assuming her hymen was related to her virginity and that sex should be painful for women, at least the first time. this isn't true, and that's what I was trying to tell you.

And really, that's all I needed to know is exactly what you told me- if you spent time on foreplay, she was well lubricated, and all that, then the painful sex could be indicative of a medical condition and she should probably be seen by a well-qualified gyno.

respect


Georgia:

Sounds like some people don't appreciate help. I didn't detect much of anything you said that sounded like flim flam advice to me. I'm sure you were tempted to slam him for his derogatory post, but you showed more restraint than I would have.

Good for you. I think all of your posts are very informative and I just can't understand posters like this. Don't change a thing, you're as helpful as anyone on here.

LSG Very Happy
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