|Wow, this is a new one. Like you, I think that men normally love the slippery feeling. It is a sign that they can still turn their partners on. But then every human is different and is influenced by different things in their lives. We all have different fobias and likes and dislikes. Even though he does not like the feeling of slippery 'stuff' on his fingers, he should still enjoy the experience of pleasuring you, and his desire for that should be stronger than his dislikes. The primary advice should be for him to seek therapy for his phobia. Maybe couple therapy.
Did you sit down with him and explained to him what you need? Emotionally and physically? How what he does makes you feel? Have you shown him what your vulva and vagina looks like in a non sexual unthreatening way. Explained to him how you like to be touched and where? Maybe he is really just extremely shy and unknowledgable. Men does after all not get born with this knowledge and compared to a penis, our sexuality is like a nuclear power plant in complexity. And if you do not tell him, how will he ever find out?
Aside from seeking some psychological help, you can try to manage it. It sounds like you are already on that course. If you do not shave, find out if that will make a difference, you can have sex in the shower or bath where the sensation on his fingers will be totally different.
He can rub your clitoris without entering your vagina and you can get a sex toy that he can use on you. Either an insertable one or a small clitoral vibrator.
You can try to take the lead. Get on top where you can rub on him and touch yourself before inserting his penis. You can ask him if he would mind holding you while you masturbate. Explain to him that you crave the intimacy and that sex with him would be your first choice but until such time as he feels comfortable, you would like the intimacy with him while you orgasm.
Some men does not like oral sex, just like some women do not like to perform oral sex. There is no reason to force him to like oral sex. it is never going to be a happy thing, so just accept that that is not going to be a fun thing unless something changes.
His reaction can also be because of some other earlier experience, not with you.
If you don't mind me asking, how old are you and how long have you been married? It does not sound like you ever experience orgasm during intercourse? How does he take care of his own sexual needs?
As a grown woman, you are entitled to sexual pleasure. It is as much a part of your well being as eating, breathing and exercising. About 50% of women never experience orgasm from partner sex. This is even with their parners not having the problems you have. It is important that you take care of your needs. There is absolutely no reason to feel guilty or failed when you masturbate. That should be some quality time you spend with yoursel,f for yourself. It is not there to please anybody else or conform to some social norms. It is your very own pleasure time and you are fully entitled to it. Spoil yourself with some personal lubricant and a sex toy and enjoy it knowing that it does not take anything away from your marriage. Get some erotic reading material if you like that, and fantasize. It is true that it does not provide the intimacy that you need, but it does provide you with the sexual relief while you work your problems out.