Husband's lack of sexual desire and porn

If it makes you feel badly then it is a problem. Your feelings are relevant. He is dismissing them and that is inconsiderate at best. Have you considered see a counselor for this? Would he go? He sounds like he may have an addiction to porn. Wish I had more to offer you.

If he prefers porn over you, that is a problem. If he completely disregards your feelings when you've tried to talk to him, that is also a problem. It seems to me like the problem isn't with his sexual desire, since he still looks at porn. Are there any deeper problems in your relationship that might cause him to behave this way?

Thanks to those that commented on my post. I did mention counseling to him last night and he didn't say that he wouldn't go but he is also leaving again on Saturday for work and won't be back home until the end of April. He says that everything I feel about the situation is all in my head and that I just want to pick something to argue about. As long as I don't say anything about the way things are and keep a smile on my face then everything is alright. But sometimes I just want to feel as beautiful to him as the women he looks at on the internet. He says that I do still look good to him, but to me I don't see that desire in his eyes, or the look you see when someone turns you on. He has always looked at porn even before I ever knew him, it didn't bother me in the beginning because his sex drive was really high. But as time went on the drive seemed to decrease. He said in the beginning that he didn't see where it was coming from and that he hoped it would last. Unfortunatly it didn't last. He seems fine if we only have sex once every two weeks. But I'm the opposite. When he has been away from home for over two months, and is only home for two weeks I expect at LEAST maybe three or four times. Maybe it is just me and I expect too much. But he still is fascinated with looking at porn/nude celebrities or anything naked but me.

You do not expect too much, don't even let him tell you that. Wanting your partner to find you attractive, and wanting him to prefer you over porn is NOT asking for too much. But on another note, I don't think guys find women in porn "beautiful" in any sense of the word. I think even men who watch porn but are still sexually attracted to their wife make that distinction. It's my impression that most men are sexually attracted to their partner because they find her beautiful (and also sexy), but they find porn models sexy (and not beautiful, because they are more like objects than anything.) I'm not sure if that helps any, but just wanted to give my interpretation of it. But anyway, don't let anyone tell you that you're making a big deal out of nothing. If you are bothered by this, then you have every right to be, and I know if I were in your situation I would be extremely bothered. Your feelings do matter here, and you can't let him tell you that they don't.

Sounds like to me when he's gone all that time he has someone else. He has no interest in you because he has her, but while he's at home with you (sence he cant have the side girl) he looks at porn.
I'm sorry if thats hard... but thats just my interpretation.
Do you have ANY suspecions?

No, I don't suspect anyone else. When we talked about it the other night, he said that he didn't feel physically as fit as he use to. He has COPD and has put on some extra weight, which makes it hard for him to keep up so to say. But 9/10 times I get on top. I am 37 years old and he is 39. He says also that he is just getting older. But I have been married before and been with men and from my own discoveries and readings most men are at their most sexually active state around their 40's. Unless their really young. I don't know what else to do or try. It's always better if the subject is avoided all together.

Sometimes men don't want sex because they are feeling bad- like many women. Perhaps his problem is that he doesn't think he is attractive, or he isn't able to perform as well, perhaps he's experiencing some ED problems. When men age, even if they can still perform well, they don't feel as virile and energetic, especially if he is having health problems. Maybe he needs to see a doctor? This lack of confidence might make him not want sex as much, so he avoids it. And he might not realize this, some people aren't that good at introspection
Thus, he turns to porn because it's easy- he can get sexual satisfaction that his body needs, but not experience the emotional/physical work and risk that sex requires (and intimacy).
Don't think it's about yourself unless there's a reason to, but realize that you deserve sex too. I suggest a heart to heart with him about it, focusing on what he is feeling and needs... and see if you get anywhere. Try not to bring up yourself in it, just see how he is feeling about it. Does that make sense? Perhaps by focusing him on his feelings, he will be more willing to do something about it.

Oh my dear, my heart goes out to you! I was in a marriage once and my husband was the same way. Except he wasn't looking at porn. I wanted sex much more, and more kissing and cuddling and it was upsetting to me that we only had sex about once per month.

I truly believe counseling is the only way right now for you both. My husband and I are divorced now because we didn't go to counseling and I built up a lot of sadness and resentment because my needs were not being met. I ended up having an emotional affair with a man that cared about my feelings and when my husband found out, that was the end and there was nothing I could do.

I feel he is being very insensitive to you and he may not realize it. Counseling will help, it's a good sign that he wasn't opposed to it when you brought it up. Remember, too, that when he gets back in April and you both go to counseling, it will not be a quick fix, so stick it out with the counseling and things may get much better!