i m sorry you have to go through this! a year into the marriage, you should still be in the honeymoon stage.

what is his reason for not wanting to have sex?
did you know he was like this before you met him?
is he taking any medication that will destroy his libido?
do you believe that he is in love with you?
do you think that he is gay and married for convience?
i dont know what to say, it sounds like you basically force him to sleep with you.

I'm really not sure what the reason is. I'm not sure what he was like before me, I'm assuming the same. He's not taking any medication and I'm positive that he's in love with me. For a while I questioned his heterosexuality because of the whole no-sex and he would never point out who he thought was 'hot' when I would joke about it and ask (like movie stars, etc.). But, I used his computer once and the automatic fill in on google came up with a site for large breasted women. So, I didn't think about it again.

I don't know what to do.

Does he masturbate? If so, that may be satisfying his sex drive without intercourse. Masturbation is fine, as long as it doesn't interfere with someone's regular sex life.

Could he be depressed? One of the symptoms is low-libido. Does he have any other symptoms of depression? It could also be due to some other underlying medical issue, like a thyroid imbalance or something. Ask him to go to the doctor and get a physical to make sure everything is alright. When you do have sex, does he get a full erection? Does he have any difficulty with ejaculation or orgasm?

Many couples don't have sex until they get married (I'm assuming that's what you guys did, since your story started with your honeymoon). However, some people are also raised with a lot of guilt and shame surrounding sexuality. They are taught that it's dirty and shameful, something that should never be talked about or even thought about. It's only for procreation, and that's it. Maybe he just can't bring himself to think of you in a sexual way because you're his pure, beautiful wife. I know this sounds extreme, but some people really do think that way. Was he raised in a very strict or very religious environment?

Could he have been sexually or otherwise physically abused as a child? That can also give people (men and women) an aversion to sex or even to just physical affection/contact in general. Is he otherwise affectionate? Do you hug, kiss, hold hands, say "I love you"? What does he do when you try to be affectionate in a non-sexual way? Does he turn away from you? Does he recoil?

It's understandable why he would be embarrassed about this, regardless of the cause. Sex isn't everything in a relationship, but it is very important because it helps build the bond and create intimacy that carries over to the rest of the relationship. Without it, partners can feel unloved and lonely.

I think it might be time to consider couple's counseling. I would suggest a sex therapist, but that would probably be too far too fast, especially when you don't really know the reason why he isn't interested in sex.

Please know that you are not alone. We have seen many other women on this forum with the same issue. I would encourage you to seek out support from other women who are going through the same thing you are.

If you have any more questions or information, please post again. If you just want to talk or vent, this is a great place to do it. I wish you all the best. I hope you can at least get your husband's cooperation in starting to find the cause of the problem. Good luck.

How did you not know what his sex drive was like before marriage??
To be honest there are a lot of different reasons he may not want sex but the end-line is that he understands that your needs are not being met and he's indifferent to it when you're not nagging him. I'm guessing you don't like the idea of nagging him for sex. Call a lawyer, throw in the towel now before things get more complicated in the marriage.
Couples counseling is great but it isn't going to do what talking to him didn't in this case. It's not going to magically give him the libido you need. They will either make him feel like a failure because a third party tells him he's not doing enough or they'll try to convince you that you really don't need sex.

I agree with the above posters hun you need to discover the reason behind this before you can tackle it...And i hope you do sort it out soon...Jenny

Wolf, I normally think you give great advice, but I'm going to have to disagree with you on this one. I suggested couple's counseling because this may be a symptom of a deeper issue for him, like past abuse. If that is the reason he is having this problem, then it's understandable why he doesn't want to talk about it.

What if this were the other way around and she didn't want to have sex. Would you tell him to get a lawyer and get out? What if that was because of past trauma she suffered? You can't judge until you know the reason.

If all avenues are explored and still nothing changes, then it might be time to consider moving on. Then, she won't have any regrets and wonder "what if we had tried this or that...?". Don't get me wrong, no one should have to go through life (married or not) without love, affection, and a feeling of belonging.

Maggie: by no means should you go through the rest of your life feeling alone in your marriage. I'm just saying to explore some of the possible reasons and see if this can be fixed.

I knew from the night that we met, that my husband and I were connected...We couldn't keep our hands off each other...It was hot...Same libido...What I can't understand is how you could have married him not knowing this...You had to have vibes...Either your mated or your not...Why would you go into a marriage with a friend and not a lover?...If he was like this before, then he shouldn't be a surprise...

Some people are born with a very low libido...They don't think so, but they are...They are content...They like the person within themself...He probably thinks he is great, as he is content...Then how do you change someone who is content being who he is, into someone like who you are?....

IMO, what and who he is, is what he was before the marriage...The mistake was made long ago...Either get used to it or get a good vibrator....Many people are born slightly asexual...Guess this is what makes the world go round...

If she was just horny, a vibrator would be the answer. The real issue is that she feels lonely and no mechanical device is going to fix that. It's not just the sex, it's the intimacy that she wants.

Sounds gay to me. Dump him quickly. Life is too short for this type of BS.

...I read her first post and I saw a very sexually hungry woman....This is what I based my answer on...You can't change a man.....I guess I think of intimacy and sex in the same sentence...One begets the other...

MyrahU I appreciate the compliment and I'm often appreciative of your advice too, but I really think MaggieRoan deserves better than what she's been dealt.

The issue here isn't just sex and gender has no place in it. MaggieRoan is in a marriage that isn't fulfilling to her fundamentally. Sex is only unimportant in a relationship until it's important. When you are crying because you're not getting the intimacy you need then it's become about as important as it gets. If her husband has suffered abuse or was injured and unable to perform regularly or abducted by aliens, it doesn't change her situation. She is still unfulfilled. If something is going on beyond her husband simply having a very low sex drive, if he was abused or suffering a medical problem or under alien mind control, then by not disclosing something that important before taking vows his actions somewhere between fraud and simply being incredibly inconsiderate to her by not letting her know.

I do agree with the fact that if there is something in his past that may have caused it, he should tell her because she's his wife and he should be able to trust her with anything and this is something she needs to know. But maybe he doesn't know it's affecting him or maybe he's even suppressed it. If it is a medical issue, he may not realize it, either. I think the greater issue is him not trying to find the reason for the problem, when it obviously bothers his wife so much.

I think finding the cause and possibly fixing the problem is worth trying, but it can be only done with his cooperation, which he may or may not give. If he won't try to fix the problem, then she has to determine if this is a deal-breaker for her. If it is, that is completely fine and understandable.

IMO, your lonely because you are not connected...He didn't marry until he was 27...He is used to a certain kind of life...One that doesn't include a lot of sexual contact...This you should have seen before marriage...You don't just marry and explode into this new person...Marriage doesn't change anything...I think he is content being who he is and justifiably so...He has not changed as he is who he used to be...However, you want him to change to be the way that you expected...Neither of you is wrong and I am sure you love him and he you, but he just doesn't share the same vibes...Your challenge will be to try and delicately bring him around to your way of thinking....That is if you can....Take care...

Caroline

I agree, MaggieRoan this problem your husband has to be committed to solving because while you can help him ultimately this is not within your control. When you are engaged in a committed relationship, be it marriage, a domestic partnership or even boyfriend/girlfriend, you take on a commitment and a responsibility to the sexual needs of the person you are making monogamous. Taking care of you sexually is as much his responsibility as yours is letting him know what you need sexually. Certainly give him the opportunity and the help he needs to take care of you but if he's not committed to doing the job he's taken on as your husband please don't hesitate to fine someone that will.