I've been married for 26 years my spouse who is retired military. For the last several months, he has become close friends with a guy up the street (neighbor) and at first I thought this was great. I felt he needed a good friend to watch ball games with and go with him to Home Depot. Now they have become virtually soul mates and my husband tells him just about everything including details about our personal life. The friend comes over every evening to be with my husband and to watch baseball - he says it gives his wife a break. Well, I feel like I need a break! I'm disabled with a severe illness and also take care of my husband who is disabled with heart failure, prostate cancer, diabetes, and depression. I've taken care of him and our home for all this time but he seems to treat his friend with more respect than he shows to me. When he's angry at something, no matter what it is (like today his shoulder hurt) he gets furious at me and looks for something to blame me for in order to read me the riot act. I take it for as long as I can but then I get furious, especially when he tells me I'm stupid which he has called me three times in the last two days. I invested a lot of time and money getting an advanced degree so I don't believe that I'm stupid. Unfortunately, he knows how much this hurts me so he uses this weapon all the time. We've been to marriage counseling several times in the course of our marriage and have short periods where everything seems better but he always ends up resorting to name-calling and rage. I was married before to an alcoholic who used me as the proverbial punching bag so I left that marriage. I was younger then and also healthier than I am now. I guess most people would tell me to just leave but it isn't that easy if one can barely walk.
If you live near Austin, I know who this neighbor is. Joking... But seriously, find out if the friend has borderline personality. My husband had a friend who pulled the same stuff. The friend manipulated to stir discontent in my husband. He wanted my husband to be in the same unhappy boat as himself for the company. The former friend has borderline personality disorder, which makes everyone around them feel crazy. He is also a misogynist. It took years for my hubby to get it. He eventually cut off the friendship. So glad he is now out of our lives!