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husband having oral sex with other men

I have been married for 5 yrs to a really wonderful husband. We each have children from previous relationships/marriages. Less then a year after we were married, he confided that he had a desire to have oral sex with a man. I foolishly thought that if I allowed it to happen, that it would be a one shot deal (no pun inteded). I gave him permission to act on it. He did, and I thought that, that would be the end to it. Several months later, I found an email on his BB. He was to meet up with another man but couldn't because of work. I confronted him, and he was embarassed and said nothing had happened, and it wouldn't happen again. A year later I was pregnant with out daughter, while I was pregnant I was playing around on his phone and found another email response, only this time it was to a woman... talking about different sexual acts with her and have her husband watch. Once again, hurt and saddend by his betrayal, I believed that nothing happend.... Then earlier this week, I used his BB to go online to look at some banking stuff, I saw in the brower that he had been visiting Craigslist again. This happened on the first night of our 3 day family camping trip with our little gir and my 10 yr old son. I said nothing for the 3 days, but when we came back home, I looked more closely into the browser history and found he had replied to several ads.. some seeking other men, some seeking other women and a private yahoo email account that I didn't know about. I confronted him that evening, and he confessed to engaging in oral sex with 2 men in the last year. My heart feels as though it has been ripped out of my chest again. As I am writing this, I realize how foolish it sounds to have trusted him so much. While I have contacted a marriage counselor, my husband is at this moment attending a Sexoholic Anonymous meeting. I would love for my marriage to survive this but I just cannot see how it can. I am a broken woman.
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First Helper lisa_b
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replied August 1st, 2011
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Hi Lisa_b and welcome to ehealth: Yours will be a tough challenge...However, I think it can be done...IMO, when a person gets into their own sexual trance, it is rough finding their way out of it...It's like the more sex they talk about the more that they want....This is especially true of a man...I believe men do not satisfy sexually like a woman...The older they get the more they look for this missing link in their life...Their orgasms are not the same and it, for many, is as if they are looking for the Holy Grail...Looking for that peak that they have not climbed...And just maybe, as they age they will look back and find that it was there all along...

Give it some time...He is sick, but probably can be cured...I wish you well...

Take care...

Caroline
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replied August 2nd, 2011
Thank you for your reply Caroline, I know that he is sick and I am holding on to blind faith that we can work through this. I have contacted S-anon, so I hope that will help. I also just found out this morning that he has been seeking women as well Sad
Thanks again,
Lisa
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replied August 2nd, 2011
I am confused, you write "I have been married for 5 yrs to a really wonderful husband." Ok here is my question, is he a wonderful husband?
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replied August 2nd, 2011
I am confused, you write "I have been married for 5 yrs to a really wonderful husband." Ok here is my question, is he a wonderful husband or a cob gobbler?
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replied August 3rd, 2011
Nemnok, thank you for your encouraging words and postive feedback!
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replied August 2nd, 2011
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Hi Lisa: My best advice is to see what his Sex Therapist says...I know you want to save your marriage, but sometimes you can't salvage what does not want to be saved...In times like this you must think of yourself and your children...Please keep us advised...Take care...

Caroline
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replied August 23rd, 2011
Hi Caroline,
just wanted to give a brief update. My husband has been attending SA meetings and I have been attending S Anon meetings regularly. They have been so encouraging and supportive! thanks again.
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replied April 7th, 2013
I have had quite the same experience. Only husband of forty years seeking oral sex from a man went to therapy they all say it comes from his childhood. Not believing it
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replied April 8th, 2013
Lets try this again...
Villagepeople,
Sorry to read that you are can relate... It was a very difficult place to be. My husband and I are still together and are thriving.. We both worked very hard and still do. He went so many SA meetings and I reached out to S Anon, both were integral to our relationship. My husband and I have talked at length about why... And while I can only speak to our relationship, his bisexuality does not stem from anything negative in his childhood. I understand from a sexual standpoint. It was infidelity of it that was devastating to me... I felt as though I wasn't enough.
If you need to talk, please feel free.. Good luck to you,
Lisa
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replied May 23rd, 2013
Lisa
Good luck on your journey. My husband of 15 years has a similar problem. We are now 6 years into this revelation. Certainly difficult for a trusting wife to help someone walk through this stuff.
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