So my dilemma is this, I just recently discovered that my husband has been communicating with his ex-girlfriend via facebook and email. When we first got together 7 years ago this female contacted him via email to allegedly catch up. He told me about it at the time and even let me see the email he sent back to her. We agreed then that communicating with exes was something we didn't think was appropriate for our relationship and that we would not do it. Since then, I never thought that changed. About a month or so ago I noticed a girl who was commenting on my husbands facebook posts and looked at her profile. I thought it was his ex, this same girl, but at the time I was not sure. So I specifically asked him that night if he had any of the people he had slept with as friends on his facebook. He said no...and I believed him.
A couple of days ago however I was in my husbands email looking for a message from his ex-wife regarding the child support arrangements. I would not have needed to look there, but I had deleted the message out of my box but thought he might still have it so I checked his. While scanning the list I saw a message from this ex-girlfriend. (We have always mutually allowed access to our emails) It was archived and I don't believe he realized the email trail was still there. So I talked to him later the same night and though I was talking about a mutual friend (seriously), and the fact that she still talks secretly to the man she cheated on her husband with, he apparently felt guilty so he deleted this girl as a friend on fb and then deleted all the messages he had sent back and forth to her. He never mentioned anything to me about it so I called him on it the next night. His explanation was she had sent him 5 or 6 friend requests on FB over the years and he had previously denied them all...but this time her name had changed so since she was married now he thought her contact was innocent. I would by that except for these things...
1. In the emails he had with her he called her by the nickname he used for her while they were together.
2. He said "I miss you and I think about you alot" "I remember how hot you always were" "You have always been so put together, that's what draws me to you" and "you're still looking as fine as ever" and that she should contact him on his work email instead of fb or this email address.
3. She said "I still look at your pictures and think about all the time we spent together" "I never looked at you as just a fling" "You were and are a really good person" "I miss you" "I really want to be in touch with you more."
4. There just seemed to be something else behind everything that was said in the email and FB messages.
5. He lied to me about being friends with her.
6. He leaves for work at 530 gets home well after 7 ever ynight and is asleep on the couch by 930 each night.
7. Dramatic drop in our sex life. (I am pregnant, but that didn't stop us the first time so this is unusual)
8. He treats me differently...has less patience with me, says things he never would have, doesn't hold me at night when we go to sleep (before couldn't fall asleep not holding me) to name a few...
I just feel like he is a liar and would be a cheater (IF he isn't already). I feel like the writing is on the wall about him and if I try to let this go I am setting myself up to be played. He claims they never communicated beyond the stuff that I saw, but that's just too convenient in my mind. Why would she reach out so many times just to not say anything when she finally gets his attention? I've asked him to explain why he did this knowing how it would hurt if I found out and he says he just wasn't thinking. I asked him why he told her to contact him on his work email (the only email of his I don't have access too. Not that he couldn't just make another account) and he has yet to even try and respond. I just feel like I can't trust him anymore.
Am I over reacting...do I even have a problem? I am mostly bothered by the lie. I really can't believe he would lie to me about something like this...and then the fact that the emails seemed sexually charged (but the trail was incomplete) makes me think he's done more than I know.
Sorry this is so long I felt like I had to give all the history...
Hi thisbrowneyedgryl and welcome to ehealth: I feel that where there is smoke, there is or could be fire...Keep an eye on him...The problem being, IMO, nowadays a woman no longer pushes the married man away...Instead she welcomes him...Men are more in demand than women...I, too, even at this age in life, see this in action...They want one thing...Again, IMO, sexual fulfillment...And they don't care who they hurt along the way...Take care...
I am actuaaly in almost the same exact situation. I think Facebook has definitely made this more of a problem......exes finding contact. I found facebbok, text, and phone calls between the two of them and today just found out he went and met her behind my back. I don't have any advice for you unfortunately, since I'm in the same boat. I am an ob nurse and I really hope this is not negatively affecting your pregnancy. If anyone passes along any good advice on my situation I will pass it to you.
My husband to is communicating with her ex and what really made me furious is they're talking about their past. Facebook really sucks !!! And what more my husband is asking the girl to talk in their native language so that if ever I read the it I won't understand a thing... It really pissed me off. As if they are hiding something from me. Friends huh kiss my ass.
I'm in the same boat, his ex is blocked from his fb, but he created a fake name email account and I found it after our computer crashed and the email address surfaced. I was able to hack into the email account and read emails that spanned 6 months before the day of our wedding and up to 3 months AFTER we got married, he too was like, I often think if we had stayed together if we would have had kids and how many, etc. She also, apparently got breast implants and since they still have friends in common, he asked her about them and she sent him first a pic in her bra, then second a pic completely nude. I'm devastated, but I have NO IDEA what I'm going to do, we're now married almost a year, and we have 3 children (2 from a previous relationship and 1 together) he said it never went further than emails, none of the emails suggest they saw each other, although he REALLY pushed the issue from "let's meet for lunch" to "let's spend one final night together" a lot of my friends say it was probably cold feet he got, and that I should give him a chance, he said he was willing to go to counseling and that he doesn't want to lose me, but all my trust is completely LOST and at times I feel like going out and cheating on him, but two wrongs, don't make a right. I wish there was a simple solution to all this, or an easy fix, but every time I stop and think about all the emails that I read, it makes me sick to my stomach and I get pissed off all over again...hold your head up ladies, I think these types of situation are going to be a long haul :'(
sorry to hear that, men dont think of the long term hurt. till they see the hurt in ur eyes... but either he can take it two ways... either truly be yours and work it out. or break it off with you... but alwasys stay strong huni... it sucks. dont lower urself. if you think of cheating its time to go single and do ur thang.. hope things work out for you.
Similar situation with myself, husband infatuated with his ex fiance after they found each other on facebook. They had a tragic break up and he needed "closure" and now they are "good" friends but I have seen some of the emails and friends don't say things they were saying to each other like "show me your boobs" and " I like giving blow jobs in the middle of the day". I feel used and betrayed because I no longer have a best friend, only a house mate. He shares all of his fantasies, hope, dreams and secrets with her. He got very testy with me when things were getting bad and we separated for two weeks because I found him flirting with other women online. If you can get out..try too or else you will feel like you are second best for the rest of your relationship... believe me, I know. I went back to him and I have tried to make it work but every day I doubt our relationship and that is no way to live.
Hi mothernatureknowsbest....I agree with you...You don't need a third party in your relationship...He is looking for trouble and she just may make this happen...Let's face it, there is a shortage of men and many women in need...Keep an eye on him...Take care...
Hi ladies, I am in the same boat too. We have been married for 7 years and I found out about their so called friendship 2 years back and confronted him of it and he said he will stop all contacts with her however I later found out he gave her his work email address so they can keep in touch. I recently found it gas turned in to an affair. He has created a secret email account and skype account and viber so he can talk to her. They talk about sex and found that he's so called business trip six months ago was just to meet her. The business trip was for 3 weeks. By the way we have 3 kids n she is married and has 3 kids of her own.
He sends song lyrics saying how much he miss her n love her.
She even tells him to stay away from me and not to do anything with me. This relationship started when I was pregnant with our twins.
After I found out about the email n other accounts, he promised he will never continue and will stop all contacts with her. But she keeps emailing her and sending pics of her self naked. But says she will try to move on. She comes up with all sicknesses as once she had a coma after he said and the very next day she was discharged and later her husband had to airlift her to the hospital but now she is all ok and if my husband does not send her an concerned email she is back in hospitals in the ICU.
I think she just makes up all this excuses to talk to him. I saw an email where he has said we have to think about our kids and stop.
By the way she lives in another country n we live in another and that's why the skype n viber accounts for as phone calls would be costly.
But the relationship is much stronger and I don't know whether to believe what he says or not.
He still does not admit he had an affair with her and says it's complicated to explain as she is going through a rough marriage and he is just helping her. He says their just friends.
Sorry for the long email, I just wanted to tell someone who is in the same position as I am.
I want him to forget her and end it and does not know how I can do that?
My husband says there is nothing..they are just good friends. But i accidently saw an email from him to his ex grilfirnd saying " you forgot to give me a goodbye hug". He says he does it with friends...is not in touch but resists my telling him of not keeping in touch eith her. What should i do...