hey, I grew up with child abuse from the family that adopted me. Lets not go there. It is a time in my life where Im deciding a future as a teacher of early childhood education and am presently living with my boyfriend who is 18 and im 19. He does not communicate very well and is a wee bit selfish but only because he learned early on that in life he has to fend for himself. He is super smart and I hope to hell we stay together because i will crash and burn without him.
My question is for someone to help me take steps into learning how to treat myself. My entire life Ive learned the world of drinking, smoking, cutting and just plain pain and depression. Im not an emo, my public self has worked with churches, children and I used to be a professional athlete. I dont wear makeup, dont have many friends and if so they are guys.
Im worried about me and my boyfriend because hes hardly ever there. I need to learn how to take care of myself rather than destroying myself mentally and physically. Ive tried talking to my boyfriend but the changes are very temporary. If the situation wont change, i must.

Please, I dont have a family to fall back on and my financial state is very very low. If I cant find a way out, (it will be very hard and thats why im willing to try) then I have no reason to continue. I really need someone to care and someone to teach me. My boyfriend loves me but he really does not know how to help. I cant afford a psychologist.