I think I have depression, and I don't understand why, everything in my life seems so perfect, yet I constantly have recurring suicide thoughts and I have five total past attempts, no one knew though, and I don't understand how they didn't see it? I don't know how to stop these thougthts from occurring or even if I want them to stop anymore?
I have the same problem, except my circumstances are a little bit different. The thoughts are intrusive and they seem to come more frequently when I'm out of my comfort zone. I am diagnosed with and psychosis. I'm on medication that helps, a little. If your thoughts are intrusive or unwanted they can be a sign of several disorders. This is what wikipedia has to say about it...
intrusive thoughts are associated with OCD or obsessive-compulsive personality disorder, but may also occur with other conditions such as post-traumatic stress disorder, clinical depression, postpartum depression, and anxiety. One of these conditions is almost always present in people whose intrusive thoughts reach a clinical level of severity. A large study published in 2005 found that aggressive, sexual, and religious obsessions were broadly associated with comorbid anxiety disorders and depression. The intrusive thoughts that occur in a schizophrenic episode differ from the obsessional thoughts that occur with OCD or depression in that the intrusive thoughts of schizophrenics are false or delusional beliefs (i.e. held by the schizophrenic individual to be real and not doubted, as is typically the case with intrusive thoughts) .
So if they are of that nature you might want to seek treatment for one or maybe a combination of those conditions mentioned. I'm not a doctor or medical professional. From reading what you posted it sounds like you have involuntary, macabre (intrusive) thoughts of self harm. I have these also and am being treated for PTSD, Depresion, and Psychosis. And don't forget that some of these disorders affect people regardless of circumstance. Make a promise to yourself that you will call somebody who can talk you down from feeling suicidal. If you tend to isolate, like me, you can always call a suicide hotline(1800suicide or 1800827talk). I have before and it has always helped. You have to get out of thinking that it[suicide] is the right and proper thing to do when you are in the throes of suicidal ideation. I have three attempts and multiple incidences of self harm( stabbing, burning, and cutting) not to mention a serious substance abuse problem. It is nice, however, to hear that this condition isn't just unique to me. Thanks for sharing and stay strong!
I think I have , and I don't understand why, everything in my life seems so perfect, yet I constantly have recurring suicide thoughts and I have five total past attempts, no one knew though, and I don't understand how they didn't see it? I don't know how to stop these thougthts from occurring or even if I want them to stop anymore?