Why can it not stop? This bulimia of mine has become so bad that it is impairing my ability to go to work, to do the normal things people do! I am afraid, I can not even go to work for fear of other people thinking I have gained weight and I measure myself all the time. It is freaking me out, every time I start to get better...a mere few weeks is the longest I have been able to control it for. Why? I want OUT of this eating disorder and it seems to have become a ticket to hell. I hate my body...it is so out of proportion and my thinking has become warped. I can not bare the thought of seeing people who I knew before when I was skinnier. I can not. The anxiety is overwhelming. I eat, and I worry and I fricken eat and eat and then spew it all up and then I STILL gain weight but I can't stop it now. I want OUT.