Joined: 03 Jan 2008 Posts: 3521 Location: Earth..usually, USA
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How To Have A Great GLBT Relationship Posted: 04-23-08 13:27pm
1. Date first. More than once. A common
mistake that people coming into first LGBT
relationships make is getting way too
involved way too early. Before you find
yourself waking up with someone you
realize you barely know, go out to
determine if you are really compatible.
It's not enough that both of you are gay.
You need to know if you have common
interests, similar values, and plans for
the future that compliment one another.
2. Keep each other informed of
happenings. Sharing and supporting one
another are key. If you're being harassed,
or if you've been promoted at work, if you
got an award, if your best friend just
told you that they are moving - share it
with your partner. Remember that your
partner should not only be your lover,
they should be your best friend, too.
3. Be honest, loving, truthful and
caring. Being honest means being open,
too. Don't keep things from your partner;
it's a lie of omission if you fail to
disclose things - it's nearly as bad as
outright lying. When you have something to
say, sit down with your partner, let them
know how much you love him or her, and
then take them to that wonderful place
called "Say It Say It Say It". Your
partner loves you, and will be glad you
trusted him or her enough to confess or
share, whatever you need to do.
4. Choose whether your relationship
will be exclusive or not. Good
communication in this area is really
important. If one of you believes your
relationship is "open", in other words,
that other partners are okay, and one
believes the relationship is monogamous
and exclusive, you have a problem. When
the "open" partner starts flirting with
someone, the "exclusive" partner will be
angry, hurt, and confused.
5. Stick up for each other. Don't leave
your partner twisting in the wind -
particularly if you're not out, and it's a
member of your family making a gay joke or
insulting gays. It's your right to love;
no one has the right to tell you
otherwise. If you're not out, then take
your partner and leave, saying that you
are not comfortable with that sort of
bigoted joking. If you want to come out,
then tell your family that as a person who
has realized his/her sexuality, that that
sort of joke isn't funny to you. And if a
joke is made at the expense of your
partner, let your friends, family, or
whoever made that joke know that it was
not acceptable to you, and ask them to
keep remarks like that to themselves in
the future. Don't let others upset your
partner - or trash your lives.
6. Know your rights. If any such issue
arises at your place of work, there may be
organizations is your area that you can
contact for advice, such as the
Gay/Lesbian Center or GLAAD (Gay/Lesbian
Alliance Against Defamation) in the United
States. They can help direct you to help
in your area.
7. Enjoy yourself. You only go around
once in life. Have a great time living and
loving; share your life and love with
others, and surround yourselves with
loving and caring friends and family
members who are supportive and positive
influences as you make your way through
life together.
Tips
* Being honest and loving and caring
is so important to a relationship.
* Come out, if possible. Living out
can help you and your partner to be
accepted as a true family unit, and can
really ease things if one of you becomes
ill or injured; it can also be inspiring
and helpful to a younger family member or
friend struggling with issues of their own
sexuality. Plus, living openly takes the
burden of secrecy off your relationship -
relationships are hard enough without
adding additional baggage.
* As in any relationship, considering
your partner's needs and wants before your
own, even if not every time, can really
let him or her know how valued and loved
he or she is.
* Do something to make life wonderful
for your partner, each and every day.
* Go to a LGBT group for latest info.
Warnings
* In some societies, be prepared to
encounter some social tensions and
conflicting views.
* Don't allow people blinded by
prejudice to get you down or stop you
living the life you want to--it belongs to
you and no one else.
Hope this helps any one out there looking
for a relationship and struggling.
Peace and Love and Pride,HomerX
Joined: 09 Sep 2007 Posts: 1104 Location: Toronto, Ontario (but only a private message away)
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Posted: 04-24-08 14:00pm
I'm just going to share my own personal
experience. This could apply to straight
relationships as well, I suppose... but
when I first hit the gay dating scene, I
noticed how many relationships are
classified as 'open'. I can't emphasize
enough that you need to establish exactly
where you stand when it comes to your
relationship and whether or not it is
committed, open, monogamous etc. An open
relationship is NOT my cup of tea
personally... I could never do it, nor do
I need to. Make sure that if you're like
me and don't like being in open
relationships, you make sure you know
where your boyfriend/girlfriend stands.
It's a very tempting scene sometimes and
there is a LOT of infidelity that goes on
if you don't make your boundaries known.
Be open (no pun intended) communicators
and you'll be fine.
In addition, if you do like open
relationships and/or you're with someone
who has been in past open relationships...
make sure you BOTH get tested for sexually
transmitted infections REGULARLY! There's
nothing worse than a surprise STI. Yes,
protection helps, but it is NOT 100%
reliable.
Ray and I, even though we made ourselves
exclusive as of the second date, and
probably went a tad too fast, are enjoying
life over two months later. We both
despise open relationships, have only eyes
for each other, and do things to make one
another feel loved and wanted each and
every time we are together.
I already have some special plans up my
sleeve to show him my thanks for the
support he gave me from recent stressful
events in my life, and he always welcomes
me into his home to spend the night, share
a meal, to talk, watch a movie, cuddle,
etc. We remark all the time about how we
enjoy being around one another, and there
is already talk about me moving in with
him in two years, after I finish my
Bachelor's. Although I'm thinking about
going for my Master's afterwards, so I may
extend that, but who knows what the future
will bring.
We actually had one small spat about a
month ago, but that was me putting my own
foot in my mouth, but we're all human. We
also plan to celebrate our birthdays
(since they are six days apart) by going
away and making a weekend out of his
niece's wedding. Lets just say I'm about
to experience some hot tub action
I'm just going to share my
own personal experience. This could apply
to straight relationships as well, I
suppose... but when I first hit the gay
dating scene, I noticed how many
relationships are classified as 'open'. I
can't emphasize enough that you need to
establish exactly where you stand when it
comes to your relationship and whether or
not it is committed, open, monogamous etc.
An open relationship is NOT my cup of tea
personally... I could never do it, nor do
I need to. Make sure that if you're like
me and don't like being in open
relationships, you make sure you know
where your boyfriend/girlfriend stands.
It's a very tempting scene sometimes and
there is a LOT of infidelity that goes on
if you don't make your boundaries known.
Be open (no pun intended) communicators
and you'll be fine.
In addition, if you do like open
relationships and/or you're with someone
who has been in past open relationships...
make sure you BOTH get tested for sexually
transmitted infections REGULARLY! There's
nothing worse than a surprise STI. Yes,
protection helps, but it is NOT 100%
reliable.
I am in full agreement with you. I am not
one to want an open relationship with my
current boyfriend, and he feels the same
way. We do joke about it often (as in,
watching a Red Sox game, and wanting to
have Varitek and Youkilis in bed with
us... *drool*), however, the reality of it
is, we find the concept absurd.
Why? Well, simply put, why would I want to
have someone that I say "I love you" to
that goes out with other guys? What is the
point of those three words then? Love, to
me, is something exclusive and mutual.
That special bond between two people.
I made a huge post / lecture about open
relationships before, but it is the one
thing about the gay dating scene that
really irks me. Especially with married
couples.
|
homerx
Moderator
Joined: 03 Jan 2008 Posts: 3521 Location: Earth..usually, USA
Thanks: 431
Thanked:1270
Posted: 05-12-08 21:09pm
straight people do it 2
|
kappa_nz
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Jun 2008 Posts: 2
open relationship Posted: 06-01-08 01:12am
I still dont get how people can be in a
relationship ? Does it mean they're being
honest with each other rather then being
in a monogamous relationship and still
cheat on their partner ?
|
kappa_nz
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Jun 2008 Posts: 2
typo in previous post Posted: 06-01-08 01:13am
I still dont get how people can be in an
OPEN relationship ? Does it mean they're
being honest with each other rather then
being in a monogamous relationship and
still cheat on their partner ?
|
homerx
Moderator
Joined: 03 Jan 2008 Posts: 3521 Location: Earth..usually, USA
Thanks: 431
Thanked:1270
Posted: 06-02-08 11:21am
I think its freedom of choice. A lot of
people say they are monogamous when they
aren't because they think thats what there
partner wants to hear...others say it
because they cant handle there own
truths..I personally am monogamous but I
don't insist that my partner be that way,
just be safe and don't give me any STDs
and be honest...although I never have
asked if he has cheated, I don't care
about that, its just sex, not love, and I
KNOW for a fact that he loves me..14 years
proves that.
Re: typo in previous post Posted: 06-02-08 11:21am
kappa_nz
wrote:
I still dont get how people
can be in an OPEN relationship ? Does it
mean they're being honest with each other
rather then being in a monogamous
relationship and still cheat on their
partner ?
Yes, they are pretty much being honest
with each other - they are a "couple", yet
people in open relationships tend to have
sexual partners on the side. Some even go
as far as having multiple relationships.
|
JYoungBear
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Dec 2007 Posts: 158 Location: , MA
Thanks: 41
Thanked:16
Posted: 06-10-08 10:25am
homerx
wrote:
I think its freedom of
choice. A lot of people say they are
monogamous when they aren't because they
think thats what there partner wants to
hear...others say it because they cant
handle there own truths..I personally am
monogamous but I don't insist that my
partner be that way, just be safe and
don't give me any STDs and be
honest...although I never have asked if he
has cheated, I don't care about that, its
just sex, not love, and I KNOW for a fact
that he loves me..14 years proves
that.
Before I met my current bf, the guy I
dated previous, I had very safe
assumptions that he was cheating on me.
And my current bf has slept with the past
guy, right around the time I was dating
him. But does it hurt me now? Nope,
because that is in the past, and I refuse
to dwell on it.
As for my current bf, we are monogamous.
This was one of the first things we talked
about on our second date, as we were
laying down to sleep. We hashed out
everything, and told each other that we
only wanted to see one another, and noone
else.
Almost four months later, we are still
together, and the future looks very
bright. At this point, sure, we will spot
guys that we think are cute looking, but
that's just it... eye candy. We don't
have any ambition to fool around behind
each other's backs, even with the
temptation there. I will always be
faithful to my bf, and he will do the
same.
Joined: 03 Jan 2008 Posts: 3521 Location: Earth..usually, USA
Thanks: 431
Thanked:1270
Posted: 06-10-08 10:40am
I know what you mean, its been 14 years
and I have no desire to have sex with any
other guy...at this point, I think sex is
fine but there are more important things
in life...I must be getting old..LOL
