how to get pleasure with man

Hi, i really need some help. Basically, since the age of about 10 i have masturbated (not realising what i was doing when i was younger) by holding myself up on the kind of pole thing at the end of the stairs rails, and humping against it. this is the only way i have ever recieved any pleasure, i have never reached orgasm, but i would like to. i have a boyfriend of a year and have been faking any sense of pleasure when he fingers/licks me out because i feel too guilty to speak up about it and i dont want to be rejected. i really want to experience pleasure with him but he never has given me any, and i know its not down to him because he has had sex with other girls. what should i do?