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how to get over him?

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where to start ... my ex broke up with me a year ago, and i was heartbroken. and right after that i found out i was pregnant with his baby. 5 months later, at his insistence, we got back together and he told me he loved me and that we would raise the baby together. he told me he wouldn't help pay my medical bills unless i moved back in with him, so i did. it went fine for a week or so but then he just started acting weird, he was gone every night with his friends till 2AM and he went away for 2 weeks and never called me. we never had sex after the first week and he stopped even touching me. if we ever talked at all it was mostly him insulting me. "what would it be like if you were fat, like if you were like this all the time" (i'm not fat at all, i never have been.) "i think this kid is going to be 10 lbs you're so huge" (when i was 7 months pregnant and not very big, since i am tall and this is my first baby.) and i don't mind if he looks at porn but i don't need him to tell me how hot the girls are are go out to the strip club with his friends.
after about 6 weeks he told me while i was visiting my grandparents that our roommates were fighting and he had to leave, so i had to move out. when i heard that i was not sure what to think because that's how he broke up with me the last time, is just suddenly telling me to move out. except this time he told me he would find another place in a few days and told me to just take the stuff i needed for a couple days. so i did, but i don't know what he was talking about because he just put it in storage, minus my guitar which i still don't know what happened to it.
so i lived with my grandparents until the baby was born, but he never called me or answered my (occasional) calls. i couldn't even get ahold of him while i was in labor or at the hospital and he wasn't there, even though i told him i really wanted him to be there. he came a few days later and signed all the paperwork and told me that he was sorry but he was in nevada and didn't get phone service when i tried to call.
after that he still never called me and i could barely get him to give me my stuff back that was in storage. he still has about $200 worth of textbooks of mine and i can't get him to give it back or even answer my calls when i try to call him.
so here's the thing, one time i tried to call him to get him to give the books back and a girl answered the phone and told me to stop calling her husband. and she wouldn't tell me anything else. now i knew he had been married before, but he had always told me he was divorced. but i talked to some of his friends and they took pity on me and he never was divorced, he was lying the whole time.
he has never said anything about wanting to "break up", being over me, etc., and when i do talk to him he still tries to pretend everything is fine. it is making me so angry and so sad, and even though he promised to help me with my medical bills from the baby he hasn't helped me at all.
my son is 4 months old now and i am trying to move on, but if anybody has any advice on how to get over this i would appreciate it.
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replied January 19th, 2010
Hello Clintona9,

I am sorry to hear about your pain. As a woman, I understand you as I have been through disappointments as yours.
I am sorry to be harsh on you, but he never loved you. A person's actions are worth more than a thousand words. He does not need to say it is "over" or that he wanted to brake up with you, as his actions are saying it all.
Now, you have another person to think about to be wasting your time with this man. Your baby needs you, even more now, that he does not have a father figure next to him.
I suggest that you take a piece of paper and make two colums, write the goods and the bads, and I assure you will have more negative things than positive as in the post along everything is negative with him. This will help you to forget about it... How can you be in love with someone who treats you wrong?
Also, try to move on my dedicating to your son. Again, this man is not even worth your time!

I know it is too late now, but for future relationship, you have to be sure who you are dating. I am not telling you to hire a secret detective, but try to get to know the person very well; Get to know his family, his friends, and get involve in his life, that way you'll know a bit more about that person.
As far as the money goes, child support is the best option. You have a son together and he needs (besides love) clothes, food, diapers, and he needs to provide, or help with these things.


I wish you the best!

KC
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replied January 24th, 2010
Extremely eHealthy
I completely agree with kadriana89. Your ex was also responsible for bringing this young child intot he world and he needs to step up and help take care of it. Given the way he has treated you you shouldn't feel any embarassment in having the courts require payment of him.

As for moving on, realize that this man has failed you as a partner. Despite is best efforts or because he lacked effort the relationship failed. If you got back togather there's no reason to think things would be different. There are millions of men out there that are better suited for you. focus more on finding someone better than someone who didn't work and move forward in your life.
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replied January 24th, 2010
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First of all sue him for child support!!! if you have his phone number, address, or where he works. the money can come out of his check.

He wasnt doing anything but playing games with you by not being honest.

If he treated you badly with his mental abuse, then im sure he is treating his wife the same way. What goes around comes around.
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replied February 11th, 2010
Experienced User
This is terrible. Someone brings a life into this world and refused to be responsible. Getting over him is not going to be easy because he is the father and you'll have to interface with him unless he turns over all rights. The best thing to do is to surround yourself with loving and caring people. Try to keep yourself busy and occupied to prevent thoughts of him. You will heal however it’s going to take time.
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