Whatever you do, please, please don't kill yourself!!!! Someone who has played you for a sucker isn't worth ending it.

I don't know if she is your first True Love, but your situation sounds like my first True Love. He was my sun, my moon, and my stars. I'd never felt like that about anyone else and I worshipped him something fierce.

However, he was insecure about himself (I graduated from college, he dropped out after a semester and took a job at a local steel mill) and every chance he had he never failed to tell me what a bad person I was. Silly me, I believed him because I thought he wanted the best for me and if I was a bad person I must have been.

This went on for just over four years and you can bet I did a great deal of crying. I knew the end was coming but I was still devastated when it happened. There was still a great deal of pain because my self-concept, like yours, was shaken to the core. After being with someone for all that time I was terrified of being alone (sometimes a bad relationship is better than none).

What she did to you was beyond reprehensible. She couldn't stand up to her parents? That should have been the first warning sign. When I finally married (I was 3, my mom gave me a very hard time right up to the night before the wedding. I stood up to her on more than one occasion about this. Why your ex couldn't do that is absolutely beyond me. And a promise to divorce after a year of marriage? If she would do that to him, how do you know she wouldn't do that to you?

So, what to do? Get rid of everything, but EVERYTHING that has any ties to her. Remove her telephone number from your cell phone, block her calls, don't reply to her texts. That sounds incredibly cruel but you have to take the first step towards wellness and the first step is the most difficult to take.

It's OK to mourn the loss of the relationship, but you need to remember that you are NOT a doormat for anyone. She walked all over you and you didn't realize it (I speak from experience).

Now you have a chance to start over with a clean (albeit tear-stained) slate. Get yourself involved with something new--a new hobby, a new interest. Do you have a support system? A group of friends that you hang around with? Time to call in favors and have them help you get through this. More than one person that has responded to this forum has suggested getting into exercise. It will give you positive results and you'll be too tired to do much of anything else when you finish.

When the walls start closing in, go out for a walk, do a mall crawl, just anything to be around people. Anything to get you away from your misery. Go to the dollar movies and enjoy something.

Are you living in your own apartment? How about rearranging your furniture? It's cheap and the layout will be a reflection of you. Maybe something new for your walls?

Give yourself a goal to work towards. Having something to look forward to is a great help.

Only time will help you heal, but you have to do something for yourself. It took me six months or so to get over him and I had several dreams about him over that time. That's normal.

Feel free to pm me if you need a shoulder to cry on.

I completely agree with everything entecies said. Also added, you may want to go see a psycho therapist to help you get through it.