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How to deal with my Bipolar Husband?

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Hi,

My husband suffers from bipolar disorder and I don't know what else to do to deal with his moods, anger, lack of feelings, changing of mind and depression.

He has had so many bad episodes since we got married. I have change my life for him and he is always making promises. But when he is having one of his episodes he always blames me for everything, gets angry with me, shutters me down, don't want to talk or tell me what is wrong and make me so angry to the point I start having anxiety symptoms.

The biggest issue is that now he is in another country and we had a big fight a day ago and I have tried everything to make him talk but he just don't answer his phone and don't want to talk. I have tried everything and I'm even thinking about leaving him without saying anything, so by the time he comes back he will see that I'm gone, but the problem is that all my family and friends are in another country far away and I love him soooo much. I always get scared with the idea of leaving him, because when he is not having his bad days he is a lovely and caring husband.

Please help me!!! I don't know what to do next..... he hasn't called me, or emailed me, or messaged me since yesterday. I really need to know what should I do, because I don't even know the reason why he is angry with me.
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First Helper katbertolino
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replied June 4th, 2011
Experienced User
My friend, Bipolar is a disaster. My ex is BP as well, he has all the symptoms you listed.im his 4th woman, meanign he has lost 3 relationships already. He presents lack of feelings, shutting me up when i want to explain something, changing mind every five minutes, anger for nothings, breaking up with me, switching the phone off,disappearing for days, etc. I dont communicate with him any longer. Only you will know what is the best now, I also love him soooooo much and find hard to live without him, but it was getting a little too hard too to live with him.
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replied June 4th, 2011
Thank you so much for your help!!
I'm already thinking what to do next....
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replied July 20th, 2011
My husband is bi polar too
Remember that bi polar is a sickness, not a choice. My husband and the father of my son is just like your husband. I am at the end too but am not sure that leaving is the right thing to do. Find a doctor and talk to him/her and tell all about what is going on. Then somehow get your husband to see the doctor. I know that this will be the hardest part for me to make happen but I love my husband and when I said I do I meant it in sickness or health! I pray that all works out for you, I really do! Good luck!
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replied June 6th, 2011
Well first of all you already recognized that its bipolar and that he cant control his mood swings. I would say that communication is the key to most relationships. When hes not in one of his episodes try talking to him about how you feel when he is going through a mood swing. My boyfriend of 3 years isn't bipolar, but he is surely hot headed! When he gets angry I would apologize and allow him to cool down. And once hes not as upset he will see things clearly and if they were his fault he would apologize to me. Its difficult at times to be the one to always calm yourself down, but if you love him its definitely worth it! One thing that would help is for him to realize that hes getting too worked up and to take a moment to breathe for 10 seconds. I have a friend who needs to do this and it usually helps. People would try to help him when hes trying to calm down which would make him more angry so just let him have his space for a few and it should get a bit better. Right now it seems like your husband is taking more than just a few minutes to calm down. I would send him one text message or voice mail telling him that you two need to have a serious talk. Not trying to threaten him, but you honestly feel like you two need to talk about things and ways to improve your relationship. If he doesn't respond, try keeping yourself busy until he does? I agree with Reggiane though, only you will know what truly is best for your relationship. I could be wrong about you leaving 1 text and maybe you feel like you should continue to keep trying to get a hold of him. I hope my advice was of some help to you. The best thing to do is to prevent the huge arguments and to work on ideas on how to calm down and talk about things rather then scream and shout. Good luck!
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replied July 21st, 2011
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try to adjust with him
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replied July 22nd, 2011
My husband is bipolar. we've been married for over ten years. I wished I had left. He is now in a nursing home. If you are going to stay with your husband. You will need to do a few things.

1. Evaluate yourself
1a. Give yourself space and enjoy time with friends and family. If not family, friends.
2. evalute your relationship with him. It is a disease and he will not change. He needs constant medication as well as counseling.
3. Communicate, communicate, communicate.
4. When he has his episodes, do not let it get out of control.
5. If you have done all you can, do yourself a favor and go. Love does not cure bipolar, nor does it change a person to do the right thing.

This is not the best advice. Please do not blame yourself and do not feel guilty when you can not help him. He will always need medical help and it will get worse if he does not address his disease.

Best of Luck!
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replied July 22nd, 2011
My husband is bi-polar as well and if you are getting anxiety then its time to go. Its not your fault that he is sick. I know that it is hard to leave but you need to put your self first or you will go crazy. I have decided to finally leave my husband yesterday because he goes through crazy points of leaving, lying and distroying so if your husband doen't get help and stick to it you need to leave.

I hope that everything works out for you!!!
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replied December 16th, 2015
Bipolar Husband any help please
I totally understand every ones situation for I too am dealing with a husband who is bipolar and it is hard especially when it is Bipolar-Depression with Anxiety and anger. He has been seeing several counselors and a psychiatrist too are on meds and I have maybe 1-4 days every 2 weeks when he is the guy I married the rest the times he can go from being nice sweet gentle to down and feeling worthless to such anger. I have cried hysterically because he can go with the anger name calling put downs saying stuff about my family and my son to seeing the hate. The tone in his voice is not him and he can go for hours and days non stop except to sleep but wake being on it. He blames me and I have changed to help him from being at every doctor and all appointments even surgical procedures sleep deprived and always helping non stop even with his schooling and all. See he is also deaf/severe-profound deaf with hearing aids and cannot use a phone either. In the beginning all was amazing then 6months after getting married that is when the first episode happened and no help. I worked calling places and getting so many doctors and counselors to see him and yet I am told I do not care and never have and that I am the one that changed not him and he has no problems its everyone else. He accuses me and my family he compares his life to others especially my son to say how stupid and uneducated he is as well as my family since he has an AA and 2 BS and then had the nerve to jump to conclusions and add and also change my words to start an argument. He said only learn the basic sign language not to communicate d carry a conversation but little things like numbers letters colors phone coffee want or need help like that and now I am told I do not care because I did not learn more. His family don't even sign since he can lip read too. I am tired of it all and so fed up with hurting and feeling like my heart is being pulled out due to his ways and its getting worse not better. He had 3 back surgeries a neck and gall bladder surgery many skin cancers surgeries and I have been through each one with him and helped him and put my own pains and hurts from injuries to the side to care for him and help him. His physical therapy after his back surgeries I did with him around the house since the doctor was to send him and then said no damage is done. I fought hard and got all I could help him with moving and bending some what to now he can walk little longer then he could he can do more but know limits to stop at and yet I am told because I have an unaligned hip causing problems and cant get in to have it took care of that I am lazy and do nothing and that I need to get my own stuff from drink to food. He is mean and hateful and hurtful and doesn't care you can hear it in his voice and see it in his eyes. He talks all is listen but when you talk he cuts in he expects you to shut-up and listen and then arguments escalade from there. Its not right. He says we have a communication problem but he isn't at fault. He says his money is his not mine and tells me its over then wants to know why I start pack then says like a kid but I need you and is nice. Im going bonkers and my heart is feeling it. I stayed up and gathered ever piece of paperwork and doctors he had had and addresses dates for all and you name it and got it typed in and submitted for him to get SSDI since unable to work and he wants no part of bills or groceries unless it is what he wants or needs and then I have to figure how to pay what I can to keep on because he doesn't get enough to cover all the bills and get groceries gas and his meds. I have to borrow and figure how to pay back because I am unable to find a job and work around his appts and his falling as he does many times. I am more than a wife and yet I don't feel that role anymore because of how he is and talks to me. But I don't want him to be alone either. Any advice from anyone, please send and thank you too God Bless you all.
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replied December 27th, 2015
Active User, very eHealthy
HB,
I can only imagine what ur going thru. and I admire u. The only thing I can say is hold on to your faith, and have a support group. Somehow I hope having the occasional place u can vent, aside from your prayer group I suppose, could help. If someone could sometimes come over even an hour or so, an old friend or relative who is also patient and can help bear the burdens for a while. And here's hoping husband recovers soon, would that not be good.
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replied March 15th, 2016
Does anyone here have a relationship with God? My husband was recently diagnosis do believe he should take the medication right now but would Hope after sometime his relationship with God would overpower this. God has put him in a place of peace before but then my Husband stopped his walk. Just curious if anyone has tried the spiritual route or just meds?
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