Ok, to start I have been dating a great guy for about 6 months now. He is recently divorced with 2 kids and I have had issues in the past with mentally and physically abusive relationships. I also have recently stopped taking antidepressants/anti anxiety meds so little things are getting to me more. He has given me no reason not to trust him but I am still so paranoid that he is lying to me and doesnt want to be with me. He has been busy the last few weeks so we have only seen each other on the weekends when we used to see each other a little more. He goes out to bars drinking without me during the week, which is something my ex used to do when he would cheat on me multiple times so I cant help but fear the new guy will do the same.
I know th voice in my head that tells me this is wrong because rationally he tells me when he goes out and who he is with and he will text me back when I text him so it's not like he doesn't want to talk to me. I can't help but get paranoid though when I don't hear from him all day and I have to be the one to initiate the conversation. I never used to be like this and it is killing me because all day long I keep thinking that he doesn't like me any more or he doesn't want to be with me. It's almost to the point where I want to end this relationship based on my own insecurities because I feel he is dealing with so much from the divorce that he just can't deal with me right now. I know the best thing to do is give him space when he needs it. I just can't help but think in the back of my mind that he is seeing someone else or he wants to break up with me but doesnt know how.
This could potentially be a good relationship (started out wonderful but now that it;s kind of committed it is getting complicated) but i am at a loss with what to do. Should I sit down and talk to him in person? Should I give him space and let him contact me first even though I really want to talk to him and see him? Should I be concerned that he goes out drinking during the week and totally forgets about seeing me? I don't want to make things too serious too fast but I do want to be with him and I care for him. We went through the same thing about 2 months ago and he came around but I am afraid it's going to end and he won't want to be with me and this is the first good relationship I have ever had and I want to work through it.
I have been single since 2006 and all of my previous relationships have been abusive and I have been cheated on every time. I have no self esteem and many insecurities with relationships which I am aware of and I plan to find a counselor to talk to since I am no longer on medication. I basically don't know how to function in a normal relationship and it usually ends with me walking away because I can't deal with things and I get scared. I don't want to run away this time but it has been my defense all other times and I feel stronger as a single woman than as part of something I have no control over. I know I need to work on myself first and I thought 4 years without a relationship would fix things and I am fine alone, it's just with somebody I am afraid and paranoid. He is the first man in years I have let be physically close to me, I'm just trying to figure out the mental part now.
Thanks to anyone who reads this, I needed to get some things off my chest.
I am exactly the same as all you have just described and am really struggling on what to do here! I'm losing the man i love due to my paranoia and insecurities...I get paranoid if he doesn't answer the phone to me when I ring or doesn't reply to a text (I start wondering wether he's with another woman). I've got no reason whatsoever to be like this as he's given me no reason to be like this....I know he cares about me and I do trust him and believe him when I question him but I just CAN NOT get this stupid paranoia out of my head...It's in the back of my mind all the time and same as you I've been cheated on in all my previous relationships. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I'm pushing him away and know it! I get so angry with myself. Why do i do it? He's good to me and every few months I mess up again to the point where he just can't take it no more. I convince myself and him that I will/have changed and things will be ok this time but they never are, I never change. I want to change so badly, I hate myself with a passion for what I'm doing to this relationship and if I was in his shoes, I would have walked a long time ago. I think if I don't ring him then I wont hear from him so I'm constantly ringing him and abusing my phone...no wonder he gets so P'd off! I need help desperately. I want this to work and want to save what we have got. What do I do? It's easy saying 'give him space' but it's not at easy as that when I think the way I do. I totally empathise with your situation.