Medical Questions > Relationships > Relationships and Marriage Forum

How should i get over my husband's past ?

Its been 7months that i am been married. My husband is 10years elder to me and he is a very caring person. He loves me a lot and does every little thing that is even at times impossible for him just to keep me happy and make my life easy. But the problem has started from the 15th day of my wedding when i found a letter from his old books which was addressing him with love and it shattered me completely. I discovered that my husband had a living in relationship 3 years back which lasted for about 6 months. I couldn't take the pain at all but my husband assured me that he is over that relation completely and he married me cos he liked me and he wants a future with me and has seen many dreams of living together....I TRUST HIM AND I KNOW THAT HE LOVES ME A LOT. Before i could actually accept his this past another truth got disclosed. He had another girl friend before the woman with whom he was living.With both these women he was physical and he didn't cheat anyone of them but broke up cos things didn't go so well between them.
My problem is that i understand everything and it would be wrong on my part if i expect a 32year man to be single when he is independent and is doing very well in his life and is very very good looking. But i am not able to take this. I feel as if i am just a replacement in his life and he has enjoyed all those emotions already which i am feeling for the first time ever. Even when we make out back in the mind i keep thinking may be he would had done same with them as well and am not able to tolerate it at all.
I love him madly and just can't live without him but at the same time i am not able to live with his past as well.
I am going completely crazy and doing nothing at all worth in life. Even if i want to divert myself by keeping myself busy i just keep thinking about his past.I have totally lost myself and have started hating myself.
Did you find this post helpful?
First Helper XYZ88
|

User Profile
replied July 23rd, 2011
Community Volunteer
Hi XYZRAO and welcome to ehealth: I would look at it this way....He married you and not the other girlfriends....

Many men have romances before marriage...My husband sure did...However, I consider these times in his life made him that much better for me...Am I mad about them?....No way....But, I do love to really get it on when we make love to show him that I am far better than any other woman he has ever slept with....Believe me, it can make for some nice fantasy sex...

Don't mention the other women...Live, love and be happy....Take care...

Caroline
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied March 3rd, 2014
You wrote in 2011: "I feel as if i am just a replacement in his life and he has enjoyed all those emotions already which i am feeling for the first time ever. Even when we make out back in the mind i keep thinking may be he would had done same with them as well and am not able to tolerate it at all. I love him madly and just can't live without him but at the same time i am not able to live with his past as well."

I got married almost six months ago, and I can really relate to your feelings. How have you been dealing with these feelings? Have you overcome these feelings? I could really use some advice.
|
Did you find this post helpful?