I went on a date last week. I didn't go on a date for two months. My date and I didn't hit it off. I'm not upset that we didn't. While on our date, my last girlfriend came into my mind during parts of the date. I’m not bummed that the girl and I didn’t hit things off. I thought I would have recovered after two months by now. I was with her for nine months. She dumped me through text messages. She never said, "I love you." She didn’t tell me that me being six years younger than her would later be a problem (I am 23 while she is 30). She used me for company until another guy would come along that she could consider marrying and having kids with.

She thought she was better than I was (deep down without saying it). She never thought she was wrong about things. She criticized EVERTHING about me-how I sleep, how I walk, how I eat, how I dress. She yelled at me a lot over small things. She made a lot of cruel jokes towards me. When I lost the job I had while I was with her, whenever we would see a Macys commercial, she would say, "Let's go to Macys" and then smile about it. I developed a skin condition on the left side of my face and she called me, "Patch.” I didn’t know how to use her TV remote and she told me, “You’re not really a man.” The last time I helped her fix her bed, she told me, “Everything you do is slow. She would put down her cat and dog. One time when I told her that her dog, Shelby, was cute. She said, “That is all she is good for.” She was nice to her pets in spurts. She didn’t care if I had a problem or told her something good that happened to me because she would not have much to say. She had no confidence in me to do things. If I told her something that I wanted to do with my life, she would say, “I can’t picture you doing that.” She wanted to go clubbing while we were together partly because she likes to dance and possibly because she wanted to find another guy to date. While we were together, she told me a few times that guys would hit on her in clubs.

She disliked everything I liked and wanted me to like everything she liked.
She was embarrassed to talk about me to her coworkers even though she did-one of them, a manager, was telling her to break up with me. She was embarrassed to tell her folks about me and she would freak out if her folks were about to come over to her house while I was there (her father owned the house she lived in). She just wanted me to meet her family at her brother’s wedding this July so she would not be the only person there without a date. She lied to me that I was a "temporary" boyfriend.
She told me all about her exes and that I was the sweetest boyfriend she ever had.

One of the weekends that she was sick, I stayed with her the whole time. I was supportive of her losing weight so she could fit her dress for her brother's wedding this July. I joined her gym because she wanted me to. I comforted her when her grandfather died (I even helped her do a memory book of him and her family). I usually fed her pets so she did not have to. I got us tickets to see Paramore and Jimmy Eat World. She only went because I spent nearly $90 on my credit card. She really wanted to stay home that night to watch her favorite show. I bought her jewelry and she never wore them.

I broke up with her three times but she could not take it. The first time was when she added back her last boyfriend onto her myspace friend’s page even though she stated to me that he was always on there. I told her that it bothered me that he was on her page still so she got rid of him as a contact. Weeks later, he was back on her myspace. When I found out and was upset, she finally left him off her myspace for it. She told me all the things he did to her and that he was the reason she drank a lot and gained weight before we met.

I broke up with her for a second time because I could not take her getting mad at me just because a girl gave me information on a restaurant my girlfriend and I were going to go eat. I broke up with her for a third time for a little bit last November or December because I could not take her getting mad at me over stupid things. I also found out that she was going on OKCupid- a personals website. She claimed that she was going on there filling out questions. Another thing she did was keeping a log of her aim conversations on her laptop. One of them I found. She had some conversation with some guy. He asked her how our sex life was. She said "Okay." The guy also asked her if I was "trainable" and she said "Yes."

I blew up at her over the things she pulled behind my back and one time I pushed her because I was frustrated with her getting mad at me for something stupid. The next day that she dumped me, she claimed to feel bad about hurting me yet she already moved on with her life and was already trying to find another boyfriend. I found out she went back on the personals website that I found out that she had a profile on while I was her boyfriend and has another profile on another personals site. She’s even gone back to talking to her ex boyfriend. I contacted her four weeks ago on AIM (AOL instant messenger). I contacted her not in hopes of trying to change her mind about dumping me but to realize how messed up she was towards me. I told her that if I date again, hopefully the next woman I go out with, will not be degrade me and use me. The only thing she said back was “Ouch.” I take that as sarcasm.

I don’t know why I stayed with her for nine months. I didn’t stay with her for sex because we rarely had sex as she was too tired or not in the mood or she was stressed out about things. She’d always give me some excuse to why we couldn’t have sex often. I don't want to be with this person yet she's on my mind sometimes and I thought taking two months off from dating would get my mind off her. I don't feel like being in a relationship for a longtime to come.
There are beautiful women that smile at me at times but I don’t feel like striking conversation with them and flirting with them.