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How long should dating last till it becomes 'official'? (Page 1)

I've been seeing this guy for a month and one week and so far everything has been good. I see him almost everyday but we’re still ‘seeing each other’. Does this mean he’s not ready to commit? I don’t want to be a the girl that sees a guy for over half a year and finds out that he’t not ready for a relationship. I’ve briefly talked to him about his when we first started dating and he said to me ‘so a title is really that important to you?” I said "yes" but he seemed unsure.

On average, how long do you think a couple should be seeing each other before they are official boyfriends and girlfriends?
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First Helper User Profile _anime_
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replied September 18th, 2009
Dont push him into it or you just might loose him i have been with my boyfriend a year and 10 days now and to my surprise he wants to be in an official relationship now. But dont push him you might loose him
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replied September 19th, 2009
wow... a year and 10 days and finally official?

when you introduced him to your friends, what did introduce him as?
I know if I push I'll just end up pushing him away. I don't think I can wait more than 2 months though.
did you see other people while you were with him for the year?
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replied September 19th, 2009
He was extremely shy when we frist got together so i pointed each person i knew out to him one at a time or as he asked about them ((mostly about the guys i knew to become friends with them he dont like the girls at our school because they are mostly preps)) or as they came up to us and started talking to me and looking at him I introduced him as my boyfriend I told them This is my boyfriend Aaron.
If you can't wait for more than 2 months talk to him about it just say talk to him about your relationship ask him what he likes about it and what he doesn't and see how long he would like to wait till you become official you can't push him into it if you love him by that time see if he loves you too at that time or you will just have to wait or you should take a break
No I didn't see anyone else in the year and I trust him enough to know he didnt either

I hope everything works out best for you and him
Sorry this is so long
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replied September 19th, 2009
Experienced User
hi, some guys do take soo long to commit!
i met my partner when i was 15 im 23 now, he wasnt offically my boyfriend till i was 18. he broke my heart many times in the first 3 years. but now we are still togther and we have a beatiful son together and another baby on the way. i love my son more than anything and i still love my partner as much as i always have. he still breaks my heart at times just from being horrible due 2 alcohol. but no suprise hear iv stuck by him for 8 years and still not even engaged!

my man is so far from perfect tho and this sure hasnt been a happy love story, but he is my mr perfect anyway 98% of the time!

if you love him and are willing to wait till hes ready you might both be very happy together.
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replied September 20th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
It varies a lot. When I was in high school and really didn't have anything but time to pursue a relationship, I was a little put off if two weekends went by before the guy I was dating was my official boyfriend. Now a lot of my partners are divorces, all of them work, some of them are also parents. I've been seeing a girl now for off and on for just over three years and I've only been talking to her about being monogamous for the last few months.

I think as a general rule you shouldn't be thinking seriously being in a relationship with a guy while you're still concerned that they'll never commit to you. If their availability is on your mind it's unlikely you have the sort of trust you should to be entering a long term relationship with them.
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replied September 29th, 2009
I never knew it was common for people to be 'seeing each other' for a year and more. I thought a month was long! I think the status and title are important to me. Its almost like we're boyfriends and girlfriends but without the title. I see him everyday and i stayed at his place for 3 weeks, he's a sweetheart, makes me food, drives me, helps me move, gives me moral support but we're still seeing each other and i dont like the sound of that. And i know i shouldnt be thinking about what others think but i'm concerned what other poeple will think of me as... the girl that doesnt get the title (thats low class), f*ck buddies, etc. I think thats important to me and i want to end it with him bc of that, but i do really like him.
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replied September 30th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
My father has been seeing his girlfriend for 19 years. It's getting to the point where they're considderring marriage just for legal reasons as they face medical issues that are easier to adress when you're a legal partner, but I don't think in all of that time they've been boyfriend/girlfriend. My mom has been playing the field since her second divorce, almost a decade now I think. Titles and restrictions are there to serve the couple, to give you the security you want and need to be able to build a life together. What other people think of you should never be a reason to change your relationship. If you don't like the sound of seeing each other, try "Immortal Beloved" or "Better half" or "Master" pick a term that makes you comfortable but don't let an obsession about this stuff make the guy you love uncomfortable.
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replied October 5th, 2009
Whenever you date someone I think you should always think that you are in an open relationship until otherwise discussed. After a certain time (differs for everyone), there will be an expectation to clarify what exactly the two of you are. This is often known as "the talk"
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replied October 5th, 2009
I agree with you JMA. I believe i had "the talk" earlier this week.
I told him it was degrading for a girl/woman not to get a title, its like I'm just somebody or a nobody. He said, "why does a title matter when everything is good the way it is? When people get a title, things change and there are more expectations. You know, I do treat you like my gf... and blah blah blah"

If he does treat me like his gf, why can't he just call me that?! AM I ASKING FOR TOO MUCH? *ARGH*
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replied October 5th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
There's nothing wrong with "The talk" but if you bring up that topic you can't get angry if you discover that you're dating someone who is completely satisfied just spending time with you without being in a relationship. The tendency to react adversely to not getting the responce you want when you try to define the relationship is why "The Talk" allways appears in quotation marks. Until there is a ring on your finger or children in your arms relationships are completely at-will. Leave if it's not the relationship you want to be in, but don't allow yourself to feel wronged because your guy likes you but not the responsibility of a comitted relationship.
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replied October 12th, 2009
Usually the talk is just a problem when people want different things, if two people want the same thing it goes very smoothly.

To kandiapple, most likely the guy doesnt want to get serious with you yet either because he is seeing someone else that he likes at the moment or he wants to date around more. Sorry if this wasnt what you were hoping to see but I think that its most likely what is going on...
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replied October 12th, 2009
He told me he loves me and treat me as his gf (and i believe him) but he didn't put a title on me because he was afraid if I left it wouldn't hurt as much as his 'offcial gf'. He thinks it would hurt less for him. I told him he was self fish and if it was that important to me why coulnd't he do it? He agreed on himself being self fish. I told him I feel so disrespected to the point where I dont even want to introduce him to any of my friends anymore because I hated introducing him as 'my friend'. After this whole talk he told me that I was his gf and wanted to move forward. But I know if i never brought it up we would have still been 'seeing each other' right now. I feel like im forcing him to be my boyfriend, he told me he doesnt feel forced and told me to be his gf. (I also think its such a unsincere way to ask me to be his gf, even tho yah I want to be but couldn't he be a little more romantic?) I told him i know a big part of him doesnt want the title so I cannot call myself his gf. THis whole thing has caused me so much pain and tears... I dont know what to do.
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replied November 8th, 2009
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i really believe it has a lot to do with timing and chemistry and how the relationship flows.
for example i remember when my now boyfriend first came over my house, he said when i opened the door was the first time he fell in love with me. there was definately a strong attraction, i also felt like cupid hit me at that moment. i made in my mind that he is mines and he didnt have a problem with it.
i told him he was my boyfriend.
when your dating someone and you fall in love with them. when your in love with someone you only want that person, so that should seal the deal.
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replied November 17th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
it really depends..but if he isn't willing to commit to you and you do want a relationship then don't waste your time...guys like that either a)have commitment issues or b)just want to be able to get some side action if "something better" comes along, because then it isn't cheating bc you were "never together"...i put up with a guy saying he wanted to be with me for months but we were never official..biggest waste of time...if he's seeing other girls, go out with other guys, dont wait around on him.....my current boyfriend and I casually dated for about 2 months before we became official..but i think we both could tell it was getting serious bc we stopped dating other people
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replied November 18th, 2009
Experienced User
Hey Kindapple
He told me he loves me and treat me as his gf (and i believe him) but he didn't put a title on me because he was afraid if I left it wouldn't hurt as much as his 'offcial gf'. He thinks it would hurt less for him.

I say:
Oh well, I don't think your guy is ready for a relationship like how you want it to be. Maybe he has a trauma from his past when it comes to relationship. It may sound selfish but he thinks it's the right way to do to avoid the pain. If he thinks you will leave him (knowing the fact that you were seeing each other oftenly) it means she doesn't trust you. If you love, you take risk.

Give him some time girl. I guess you should stop seeing him for a while or don't expect too much from him. Think about yourself not only the feelings you have for him. There are lots of guys who would love you more than he do. If you give him space prepare yourself to the pros and cons of your descision better not to expect anything. Never initiate to call, email or see him. In this case he may realize your importance and change his mind. But like I said DON'T EXPECT too much from him. This space could also lead him into a realization that he doesn;t need you. You should be ready for the pros and cons.

"If a man wants you nothing can keep him away, if he DOESN'T nothing can make him stay... A man is a man. Nothing more nothing less. Make him miss you sometimes. If a man knows where you are or what you are doing and that you are readilly available for him he will take you for granted..." -OPRAH
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replied November 18th, 2009
Experienced User
Hey Kindapple
He told me he loves me and treat me as his gf (and i believe him) but he didn't put a title on me because he was afraid if I left it wouldn't hurt as much as his 'offcial gf'. He thinks it would hurt less for him.

I say:
Oh well, I don't think your guy is ready for a relationship like how you want it to be. Maybe he has a trauma from his past when it comes to relationship. It may sound selfish but he thinks it's the right way to do to avoid the pain. If he thinks you will leave him (knowing the fact that you were seeing each other oftenly) it means she doesn't trust you. If you love, you take risk.

Give him some time girl. I guess you should stop seeing him for a while or don't expect too much from him. Think about yourself not only the feelings you have for him. There are lots of guys who would love you more than he do. If you give him space prepare yourself to the pros and cons of your descision better not to expect anything. Never initiate to call, email or see him. In this case he may realize your importance and change his mind. But like I said DON'T EXPECT too much from him. This space could also lead him into a realization that he doesn;t need you. You should be ready for the pros and cons.

"If a man wants you nothing can keep him away, if he DOESN'T nothing can make him stay... A man is a man. Nothing more nothing less. Make him miss you sometimes. If a man knows where you are or what you are doing and that you are readilly available for him he will take you for granted..." -OPRAH
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replied February 9th, 2011
Where to go from here...
I havent read all of the comments on here but this was a question Im starting to ask myself. I've been dating a guy for about 2 months now. The first few dates were fabulous then I didnt hear from him for over a week. There was something obviously wrong. Finally, he contacted me and explained he was scared I was wanting more than he was ready to give. I explained to him I wasnt expecting to get married, but I wanted a relationship. After that talk, he apologized and we've been seeing each other ever since. Now the big question... Where to go from here? Should I wait for him to tell me hes ready to be in a relationship? We have a big weekend planned for Valentines Day away together and it makes me wonder why go to the trouble if hes not ready?.. HELP.
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replied April 4th, 2011
Ive been dating a guy for 3 months now. We made it exclusive after two months. We see each other practically everyday and do everything together. We have met all of each other's friends. Still no "bf" and "gf" title. He did tell me when he met me that he wanted to take it slow due to his last break up. Any thoughts on this situation?
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replied April 20th, 2011
When is the right time? When both of you feels like it. One should open it up as soon as possible. Ask something like "where do you think is this going?"

If you do not like the answer, well at least you can back off. People date long because they CHOOSE not to talk about it which is bad. Time wasted is time lost. Ask him directly, you're not gonna push him away. You just wanna know if you're going somewhere or if you need to move on. It's just fair. Self preservation Smile
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replied June 14th, 2011
I totally agree with you. There's no reason to avoid "the talk". Time wasted is definitely time lost!
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replied May 10th, 2012
Should i start dating him?
LOL i have the exact opposite problem. i've been talking to this guy for about 2 weeks and he wants me to be his girlfriend and thinks we should officially start dating..... we're both in our junior yr of college, but i'm only 19 and i don't want to be one of those couples who start going out, and then three days later you hear that they've broken up.... (also i know this may sound lame, but this is my first relationship. i don't want it to be meaningless) I want to get to know him more first. Any thoughts to my predicament?
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